Posted on | January 29, 2010 | 1 Comment
J is a professional farter. He makes noises that I have never heard made before and he makes them with great force. I don’t know where he gets it from (cough… Husband… cough) but he seriously has adult-sized farts. And they wake me up at night. Hell, they wake HIM up at night and that’s more important.
I know I’ve mentioned it before, but I don’t know what to do for him. He seems fine during the day but once the PJs go on, the boy turns into the whole Klump family rolled into one. I can’t figure it out. He cries so hard and then literally begs to eat to help relieve the gas pains. He’ll turn on his side and reach for my boob like it’s a life preserver and he’s toppled off a cruise ship. So of course I feed him. I give him everything he wants, remember? I’m in the process of spoiling him into perfection. He’ll eat for a while and then draw up his little legs and let loose the loudest and rankest fart I’ve heard since I moved into the nursery and out of Husband’s morning ritual.
Poor little guy. I tried to ask my doctor about it, but I discovered that I don’t quite know what to call “farting.” It seems inappropriate to ask a doctor about “farts.” But saying “toot” or “poot” just feels like I’m speaking babytalk. What the hell do you call it?!?! I’m not going to say “flatulence” because the word makes me sound like an old lady with spectacles, and I can’t just say gas because I wanted to stress that it was ass gas and not burps. So I went with the stand-by… I said “fart” but I dropped my voice like I was saying a naughty word. He didn’t seem to take me seriously. But then, it probably didn’t help that I giggle a little when I say “fart.” He said it was normal. But really? Is it normal for something so little to have such massive farts?? And what about the fact that it’s ONLY at night and is waking him up?
*sigh* I’m never going to have an answer for this problem because I don’t know what to call it. Maybe I’ll just have Husband ask. He might be able to express himself more clearly… or at least he might be able to say “fart” without the giggle.