Pity Party of one, your table is now available…

Posted on | February 27, 2010 | 5 Comments

I can’t believe that J has *another* ear infection. What is this madness? This is his third (well, fourth, if you count the double one as two separate) ear infection in three weeks. No wonder the poor child isn’t sleeping! Yesterday afternoon I was too scared to even take his temperature because he was so warm. I waited for the Tylenol to kick in and then took it… it was still over 102. I hate this for him because I realize he’s probably been miserable for the better part of February. That’s not a way for a baby to live, you know?

There has to be something I can do. Wasn’t breastfeeding supposed to help prevent this very problem? Why have I been stressing myself out pumping at work and on the road and freaking out if there is less than 5 ounces of breastmilk in a bottle for if it wasn’t to help protect my son and give him valuable immunities? Seriously?! Could it be that I not only gave him a B12 deficiency but also failed to protect him from ear infections? Because that’s just rotten. It makes me really really mad at my stupid milk. I kind of want to put it in time out or at least force it to listen to the first round of guys singing on American Idol.

But what can I do at this point. I’ll just keep pumping him full of my toxic milk and hope he doesn’t develop some strange new disease that will once again be the fault of me. At least I know that J is going to have a fistful of ammunition for future therapy sessions. And this time, it really WILL be all his mother’s fault.

Don’t mind me. I’m throwing myself a massive pity party this morning. I feel like nothing is going right. You know the feeling? And on top of everything else I have recently started noticing that I am *never* clean. I haven’t been clean since August 21 of last year. It sucks!!! My hair has started fallilng out and if that’s not enough, J likes to assist in the process by yanking out fistfuls whenever any hair slips out of my ponytail. I haven’t had a haircut since October. I have a giant knot on my jaw which is being monitored by my dentist after J clocked me one morning with his head. I literally feel like I am falling apart… physically, emotionally and definitely mentally. Having a baby is HARD!!!

I’m so exhausted that I boo-hooed when I tried to read Husband a piece of the article on Joannie Rochette. Literally… big crocodile tears. I couldn’t even finish explaining the story. I mean, that’s a sad story but I’m not sure my reaction was entirely appropriate. Maybe sleep-deprivation has robbed me of appropriateness…. I also pawned our weekend houseguest off on someone else. Tacky, but whatever. No one should have to see me like this except Husband who deserves what he gets after foolishly marrying and procreating with me. Hmmm… is there a way I can make all this HIS fault? 🙂


5 Responses to “Pity Party of one, your table is now available…”

  1. ACE
    February 27th, 2010 @ 2:08 pm

    Honey, hang in there- you are deep in the trenches, more so than many have been or will ever be! Stay the course, stay the course –

  2. Rebekah
    February 27th, 2010 @ 2:27 pm

    know the ear-infection pain of whence you speak. C. got them every 8 weeks like clockwork – sometimes more frequently – and I breastfed for 12 months. Ask for a referral to an ENT, preferably one with an audiologist on site. If the gunk stays in his ears all the time, it'll make it hard for him to hear. No one wants that. C. got tubes when he was 18 months old and I wish we'd done it sooner. It stopped the ear infections, helped his overall health since he didn't have ears full of bacteria-attracting gunk, and his speech began to improve immediately.

    And none of this is your fault – it's anatomy and physics. Adult ears drain vertically. Baby ears are still kind of horizontal and can't drain so gunk gets trapped (gunk is a medical term by the way, coined at the Medical College of Mom-In-A-Million). So don't blame yourself for any of this.

  3. Cybil
    February 27th, 2010 @ 2:50 pm

    Ah sweetie – I wish I could be there to help you! This is not your fault! This is the harsh reality of that first year of motherhood. If you ever need to talk, please just let me know! I have been there!

  4. Cyndi @ 6 Ring Circus
    February 27th, 2010 @ 6:24 pm

    I don't have all the answers on motherhood (just ask my kids, they'll tell you!) but I have to say – there will ALWAYS be something you'll feel guilty about. And it seems terrible at first but before you know it you'll just shrug your shoulders, roll your eyes and go on to the next catastrophe. :o) As for the Joannie Rochette thing – anything that has anything to do with kids, mothers and especially kids losing their mothers (or the other way around) will make you fall apart from here on out!

  5. Ali
    February 27th, 2010 @ 9:13 pm

    Ask your ped. for a referal to an ENT, I am by no means a ear expert but with that many infections… My nephew needed tubes and he has been ear infection free since! (Like 5 years)
    Hang in there, this to will pass, there are always highs and lows.

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