Friday Faves — Guest Blogger Edition

Posted on | March 12, 2010 | 2 Comments

Oh Cybil. Cybil. Cybil. Cybil. How do I love her, let me count the ways! She is seriously funny. Not just sort of amusing but absolutely send milk out of your nose funny. And she gets me, which really should scare her a lot but actually seems to amuse her. Her blog, A Big Pot of Crazy keeps me cracking up on a daily basis so if you’re not following her, you should be. She’s fantastic. Given my deep and abiding love for all things Cybil, you can understand why I was thrilled that she agreed to guest blog for me! Below is what she knows about pregnancy from her mom… it’s a wonder she was able to even birth a child!

I am so excited to be Guest Blogging here at Spilled Milk! Law Momma and I started blogging around the same time, and I quickly learned that she and I may have been separated at birth! Sometimes I read her blog and think that she is talking about MY life, though she describes things much more eloquently than I do.

I thought and thought about what to write about here. My daughter and I are getting ready to travel to my sisters house in Illinois for her baby shower. As my sister has been going through this pregnancy, I was reminded of all of the maternal guidance from our Mother (NOT!)
My Mother… Where to begin… My Mother is a wonderful lady – truly! I am telling you this up front because as you read on you may wonder. We just have kind of an odd relationship.

She rarely has a bad thing to say about anyone. She NEVER butts in or gives advice unless I ask for it. She lives 600 miles away from me, and this is not a mistake! She comes to visit me a couple of times a year, and we go to her house at Christmas time. But I have never lived near her as an adult. She and I have never been really close – I don’t even really remember her kissing me as a child, though we do hug under duress now. We have never really talked intimately about ANYTHING! Seriously name a subject you would expect your mother to review with you, and I guarantee that I have never had a conversation about it with my mother. So I remember when I found out I was pregnant and I thought I might be able to glean some knowledge from her on pregnancy and baby delivery – I mean c’mon she is my Mother!

I was wrong! My Mother has blocked out everything related to being pregnant or having a baby. I remember when we told her we were having a baby. Her first reaction, and I am not exaggerating, “Well I thought your ass looked like it was getting wider.” That’s the spirit Mom! Keep in mind, my Mother says she gained all of 12 pounds when she was pregnant; I gained 55 pounds. She was absolutely mortified! I used to call her and tell her I was eating the chocolate icing right out of the container just to freak her out!

Then there was the whole hospital experience. I was really scared about the labor and delivery. I mean obviously the kid is coming out, and women have been having babies for centuries. But I was just a little concerned about how a baby was going to squeeze out of what I thought was a tiny little opening (turns out the opening really ain’t so tiny anymore!) . At one point I asked her about taking the drugs during the labor and delivery, “Drugs, what drugs – I didn’t take any drugs, and there was no pain – I couldn’t even feel the contractions!” Really Mom? I thought they gave you a spinal?? Hell no – she doesn’t count the spinal tap they gave her as drugs! She was completely numb from the neck down!

Then a few months before my son was born, she gave me frilly satin pajamas to wear at the hospital after the baby was born. I said to her,”wow – aren’t these kind of fancy – what if they get blood all over them – I heard that after birth there is a lot of bleeding.” What was her response (and this is my personal favorite)? “Blood?? There’s no blood! I don’t know who you have been talking to, but I didn’t have any blood.” I love that! I told her that I thought I would just stick to the hospital gown. She was glad she wouldn’t be there to see me in it! Ha ha!

I realize that it had been 30+ years since my Mom had birthed a child, but honestly the memory of the labor and delivery of my kids is seared into my brain. Every. Horrid. Detail. I have really not forgotten any of it. Now that my sister is pregnant, and my Mom is “educating” my sister! Ha ha! When we were really rotten as kids, she would tell us she picked us up on the side of the road – I am thinking there may be some truth to that, or at least that is how she remembers it!

Comments

2 Responses to “Friday Faves — Guest Blogger Edition”

  1. Ms. Diva
    March 12th, 2010 @ 2:25 pm

    I love both of you guys!!! Your post cracked my up, but I guess I'm lucky, because I am on the phone with my mom at least three times a week getting advice and my duaghter is on the phone to me almost every day asking questions about Mater!!! My grandmother lived with my mom the last few years of my grandmas life, so I guess it's a family thing!! 🙂

  2. Diana
    March 12th, 2010 @ 5:37 pm

    Love it! Seriously, sometimes I would get so annoyed with my "I did it natural and gained 20lbs" mom. Glad to know others are in the same boat. 🙂

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    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
    Based on a work at http://www.law-momma.com.
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