Hello, My name is Law Momma… and I’m a mom.

Posted on | March 15, 2010 | 9 Comments

There is an over sized, over-zealously colored alphabet mat in my kitchen. There is a Rain Forest swing in my formal dining room, just next to the cherry finished table and across from the china cabinet. Inside that china cabinet, there is my wedding china and crystal along with some pieces of china brought over from Ireland and the silver goblets my Great-Aunt gave me. There is also a silver rattle and a Christmas ornament with a tiny, three month hand print lovingly inked on it that I’m terrified of losing one day.

In the den, there is an Exersaucer, aka Poop Chair, and sometimes a Jumperoo, set haphazardly around the glass-top coffee table that my gut tells me to get rid of STAT before J becomes mobile. The guest bathroom has a giant blue whale tub in the shower basin and the guest bedroom has an outgrown bouncy seat next to the bed and below the framed picture of Frank Sinatra. (Don’t judge, I love him.)
In short? This house is now, an perhaps forever will be, entirely J’s. There is no doubt when you enter either the front or back door that a baby lives here. And I wonder how that happened and why it happened to me. Not the baby part, I remember how that happened. I mean the complete and utter hostile takeover of all things that used to be mine.

I worked as a nanny during the summers when I was in college. The family I worked for was absolutely fantastic. They had a three year old boy and a one year old girl and they lived in a perfectly lovely house outside Chapel Hill. Seriously, the house was lovely. It was… orderly. The toys were always in the toy area. The kids rooms never felt cluttered or messy. And I never really appreciated how much work that must have taken. Because I look around here at this fiasco of a house and I think “How on Earth do I reclaim any rooms?” Husband’s and my bedroom is the closest thing we have to a baby free zone and even that room boasts a stack of burp cloths on the bedside table for mornings with Husband. Every time I think I can rearrange things and maybe, just maybe, have some baby-free space, J expands his realm again and we end up with something like the giant playmat in the kitchen/breakfast room.
The thing is huge. I think it’s 8×8? And it’s primary colors. And foam. You know, classy. His toys are scattered all over the mat and usually our dog is somewhere nearby or even on the mat, taking his morning, noon, or evening nap. As I sit typing this, there is a teething ring next to my computer and I still have a Boppy Pillow in my lap. There are baby shoes sitting on the lamp table next to me and a mini-Mickey Mouse stuffed animal is peeking out from behind one of my sofa cushions.
Seriously? What happened to my dreams of hosting fancy dinner parties and hopes for a perfectly coordinated living room. Now I’ll settle for ordering pizza with friends and hoping no one notices spit up on the sofa. My whole life revolves around nineteen pounds of pure energy and that includes my wardrobe, my diet, and now every single part of my house. I swear, he’s like Kudzu. I used to love having everything in its place; everything organized and placed “just so.” I used to like nice things… fancy dishes, fancy food, fancy clothes, and dear God fancy shoes… when did that give way to eating PB&J over the sink in a rush and wearing spit up covered sweaters? There isn’t a single aspect of my life that he hasn’t touched. And as cluttered and messy and crazy as it is, I’m learning to adjust. I think. My house will never be as perfectly lovely as that house I babysat in… at least not for a while, so I’m learning to make the best of the situation.
There are bottles of milk in my fridge, stacks of “Stage One” baby food on the counter next to my sink, and Technicolor plastic spoons in my dishwasher. I’ll get over it… I’m a mom, now. Please take off your shoes before you step on the new foam carpet, ‘k? Thanks.
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Comments

  • amy

    hilarious post :)
    It, in my opinion, seems to get less cluttered as they get older. They need less big bulky things, and they like to go play in their rooms. Also, in my house, we are big fans (as you know) of BASKETS. Looks less cluttered, but kid stuff has a home no matter where in the house we are :)

  • Cybil

    Soooo true! I remember when my kids were infant/toddler stage and they owned the whole house! I agree with Amy – it gets better as they get older. We also bought these leather-like (not sure if they are real leather, but they look nice) foot stools that open and have storage inside. They are great for de-cluttering very quickly – they are really like toy boxes, but look nice for adults.

    I used to be sooooo organized – that ended and I don't think it will return until these kids leave for college. I have given up on it. on a lighter note, I am halfway to the oldest leaving for college. And as I have told him, he IS leaving!

  • Rebekah

    A day is coming, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, when J will look at you and say "I loooooobbbb uuuuu Mommy!". And you will not only let him spread his possessions from one end of the house to the other, but you will hand him your checkbook and car keys and the PIN to your 401K.

    And then. Baby Domination will be complete.

  • Mrs. B

    There for a minute I thought you were describing my house…but I realized mine would have been worse, with two. It does get better….in about six years…lol. Hang in there.

  • HarmSkills

    so true! And I live in a 2BR, approx 1000 square foot apt (Huge by NYC standards of course!)

    I'm glad we have fancy dining room chairs from Crate and Barell that cost over $200 each, which are now being used as a make shift "gate" to keep baby C confined in the living room! and there is a pop tent in my living room!

  • Ali

    I love reading your blog! You are a working mom like myself and I can totally relate!
    The clutter gets less as they get older, then you have another child and well never mind!
    We love our bookshelves made to storage unit. Just a book shelf from Ikea and I got cute cloth baskets, holds all the little baby toys and legos for my older one and when the room is picked up it looks cute because it is all stored in a nice area…

  • Mitzi G.!!

    Sounds about like our house except we got rid of one of our spare bedrooms to make a playroom for B & now he has that room all to himself, his nursery & the rest of the house………kids, gotta love them & all their stuff!!

  • Mommy C

    You mean it gets worse? :) I can't believe how quickly our house was taken over by our baby…he is only two months old! Yet, we have the pack-n-play in the corner of the living room; the tv stand has the diaper cady, spare clothes, books, and a few toys on it; the end tables are covered in books that make me feel inadequate, nursing stuff, saline, and my breast pump; the dining room table is covered in every possible thing we might need if we choose to leave the house; my kitchen counters are covered in bottles and pumping supplies….what is going to happen when I add actual toys? Yikes! I am glad to hear that it gets better eventually, until then bring on the clutter- I am going to go play with my baby. :)

  • Eliza

    So true, so true! It's amazing how someone so little needs so much stuff! It really does take over. Then baby proofing. I can only imagine what my house will look like once I baby proof. Yikes!

  • Creative Commons License
    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
    Based on a work at http://www.law-momma.com.



  • I'm a divorced, single mom to a pre-schooler, a full-time attorney, and a semi-reluctant vegetarian. I work hard and when given the chance, I play hard... but I'm almost never given the chance.

    I think fart jokes are funny, I'm pretty sure magic is real, and my life long dream is to buy a farm and write a novel while watching horses run around at a respectable distance. (Because horses are scary up close. Seriously.)

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