Working Mom Fail…

Posted on | March 16, 2010 | 9 Comments

Yesterday was not the best day of my life. It all started with a deposition where I had to question a woman about her sex life. You don’t know me, but I can assure you that I am NOT comfortable talking about sex. With anyone. Much less a random stranger who I am forced to question while she pleads with her lawyer to tell me to stop.

I felt dirty. It didn’t help that she was my mom’s age.

And what’s the best solution to feeling bad about yourself? Well, if you’re a mom, it’s getting a dose of reassurance from the little bundle of joy who owes you his very existence. So I went by daycare.

Terrible choice. Terrible.

J had just woken up from a nap and he was sort of dazed. I picked him up and he stared blankly at me for about five minutes and then began crying and reaching out for his teacher. Yeah. For. His. Teacher. And the worst part? She kept trying to help by saying “J, that’s your mama! Be nice to your mama!” which only made it so much worse. I would have preferred it if she had pretended as though he wasn’t blatantly reaching for her.

I know I should be happy that he loves his teacher. I rationally realize that it is a good thing. But it was like having a knife plunged into my heart to feel him reach for her from my arms. Cue massive anxiety attack about how my son totally hates me. I was freaking out about it, seriously. It was pretty pitiful. I was wandering around the office telling people about how I had upset myself and a 60 year old woman by asking her about preferred sexual positions and that even my son was disgusted with me. What? I’m a drama queen. Get used to it. I even considered calling Husband and asking him to pick J up in the afternoon But, despite all my anxiety, I went to pick him up after work. And you know what?

He lit up like a Christmas tree and reached for me as though he hadn’t seen me in days.

So I’m an idiot and he’s still my little boy who loves me; even if I am a dirty lawyer who asks terribly personal questions. I decided that I needed to stop getting so panicked about the little things like him liking his teacher, how much he’s eating and how often I change his diaper and spend more time just enjoying the fact that he’s adorable and small and still falls asleep with a part of my shirt clutched in his left fist. Because you know what? Those are the things that should matter right now.I went to bed feeling like I could tackle the world.

Cut to this morning…  Dear God is this week over yet? Because I’m failing left and right. Yesterday it was a legal fail and a mom fail, today? I let the dog out to go pee and … FORGOT ABOUT HIM. Seriously. At 10 til 8 I opened the back door and said “Go pee!” At ten after 8, Husband went to get a shower and I was putting J in the car. All of a sudden, Husband threw open the back door and said “Baby? Where’s the dog?!” Yeah. I forgot about my dog. My baby who has been with me for 12 freaking years. Poor thing was just hanging out in the backyard looking forlorn and forgotten. I can assure you that in the 12 years I have had him, I have NEVER forgotten him anywhere. Oh how the times have changed for my first little baby.

So I apologized profusely with lots of treats and petting and head out to work. When I got to daycare, one of J’s teachers tells me that yesterday, my precious little son put a hand on both sides of her face and leaned in to try and kiss her on the mouth. She thought it was hysterical. When I handed him to her this morning, he proceeded to do it again. What have I gotten myself into with this little guy.

Happy Tuesday!

Comments

9 Responses to “Working Mom Fail…”

  1. Ms. Diva
    March 16th, 2010 @ 1:31 pm

    I don't think you have failed at all!! That depo must have been terrible and then with your son, whoa!!! I would have gone back to bed for weeks! So you rock! I hope today is better for you!!!

  2. Anne
    March 16th, 2010 @ 1:58 pm

    You're doing great! Noelle used to call her teacher momma…yes, momma! It sucked, but in the end I am still her real mom 🙂

    Hopefully your depositions in that matter are complete!

  3. ~*Jess*~
    March 16th, 2010 @ 2:07 pm

    Lol. You're a busy mom. I've actually been working on a blog about the dogs…they are the poor little bystanders that just watch us going by after we have babies. You totally didn't fail. Hey, at least you didn't forget J 😉

    When my daughter was with our friend while I worked part time it killed me to see her having so much fun with her! Granted like you, glad she loved her, but that's MY kid. Normal.

    And you're not a dirty lawyer. At least you are doing amusing stuff and not talking to people with "genius" questions like I do all day. Ahhh can't wait for transactional law…

  4. Rebekah
    March 16th, 2010 @ 2:10 pm

    There's no way to win as a working mom is there? You're not along; I'm really feeling the strain this week myself. I often wonder if there are really enough hours to be good at being a mom, a wife, and an employee.

  5. Blair
    March 16th, 2010 @ 2:15 pm

    I'm emailing you this afternoon. STAT.

    We're going to be okay.

  6. Jocelyn
    March 16th, 2010 @ 2:41 pm

    We left Sam outside all day a couple of weeks ago. And he's a Maltese. And it was cold. He is not used to the cold. The good thing about it was that David and I rode to work together that day; so we were both packing the baby up and letting the dog out. It wasn't one person's fault. When I let Sam in the house after 5 that night, he ran around the house like a crazy man – jumping all over the furniture, etc. Would not let me pet him for a full 15 minutes. He was truly crazed. We do have a couch/futon outside on the porch so I like to think he sat out there and sunned himself most of the day. But really, he was just cold. And forgotten about. Because we have a baby and don't sleep anymore. 🙂

  7. Mommy Attorney
    March 16th, 2010 @ 10:59 pm

    I guarantee you that J only cried because you saw him right after a nap. You weren't what he expected and it scared him.

    And I'm sorry about the depo. Yikes.

  8. JillyB
    March 17th, 2010 @ 4:54 am

    We all have mom *fail* days, but they really aren't failures…just valleys on the way to the next peak! Hope your Wednesday rocks!

  9. Rachel D
    March 19th, 2010 @ 8:41 pm

    I just stumbled across your blog a few days ago and I wanted to tell you how much I am loving it! I have a 6.5 month old daughter (my first) and returned to work at the beginning of this year. I was terrified of being a working mom because my mom never worked while I was growing up and I didn't have any idea what to expect. Returning to work was way better than I expected but I am still finding it really useful read about your experiences. It's comforting to know that other moms feel the same way I do occasionally. Thank you for writing!

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    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
    Based on a work at http://www.law-momma.com.
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