Posted on | April 2, 2010 | 9 Comments
As if I haven’t already gone completely gaga over Mandy on previous blogs, let me just tell you that she has one of the cutest kids… EVER. Seriously. She’s freaking adorable. And Mandy? Well she’s super cool, super funny, super pretty and well… I should totally hate her for having her stuff so together that she can parent AND craft. I should hate her, but I can’t because she’s just too awesome. Check out her hilarious self and pictures of her adorable daughter at Harper’s Happenings and if you’re not already, you should totally be following her tweets because they will make you spit milk.
Enough from me. Here’s what she has to say about
the movie made of her life her marriage after Harper.
imma be honest. whenever i get an email asking to do a guest post, my heart stops. someone thinks i’m cool enough to be on their blog and omg what will i write about and OMG THE PRESSURE. it’s all easy peasy when you can write on your own blog whenever you feel like it, but to be responsible for someone elses blog for a day? YIKES. which is why i extra-freaked my freak when i learned my topic here would be who would play me in a movie about my life and how would the movie go?
you guys? i tried. really, i did. but apparently as much as i loooove talking about myself, i couldn’t come up with anything good enough to put here. so instead? i’ll tell you about the biggest change in my life after i became a mother:
i’ve touched on this a bit in my own blog. but i’d like to formally send my complaint to the world for not advising me on how my relationship with my husband would change once our daughter was born. people told me about bleeding raw nipples. the ring of fire. postpartum poop (mine, not the baby’s. p.s.? NOT COOL). all that jazz. but yet? no one said there would be times i wanted to RIP MY HUSBANDS FACE OFF.
my husband and i? do not fight. we never have. we disagree, but in our almost 5 years of knowing each other, we have never once yelled, screamed, slammed a door or called each other a name. EVER. it’s just not how we do. maybe we’re lucky. maybe we’re in denial. maybe we are just perfect for each other. but regardless? that doesn’t mean we never have ill feelings towards each other.
the lack of sleep in those early months were enough to drive anyone to fight (or drink), but we never did. nooope. instead we’d do something like this.
my internal thoughts: i’ve been up the last 3 times. SURELY he will get this one.
husband: SNORE (lie. he actually doesn’t snore. he nose whistles. almost as bad, trust me)
my internal thoughts: wow. she’s pretty upset. ::roll around loudly, possibly “accidentally” kick
husband: NOSE WHISTLE
::get up, throw comforter on the ground huffily, turn on water loudly to make bottle, slam things around, feed and change baby, swallow a resentment pill::
yeah. so productive. don’t even get me STARTED on him not looking at her at every second like i was, so he’d miss the superduperuber cute thing she just did with her wittle nose. football? really? JERK.
let’s be honest, i have my faults (i guess). maybe if HE did a guest blog somewhere he’d complain that my hair is a hot mess some days and that i often am pulling off the “letting myself go” thing pretty dang well. or that i’m ya know, spending a little too much at the Tarjay. the fact of the matter is, i never once thought about our new baby changing our dynamic. naive? perhaps.
a few things i found helpful were a) a book and b) actually telling him my feelings (GASP!). i bought the book “babyproofing your marriage”, and really, it hit home. i highly suggest buying it and reading it. it’s not only GOOD but it helped me feel not crazy (hard to do with the hormones and whatnot) and that most women who just thrust a mini-human from their nether regions feel the same seething feelings for their husbands at some point. secondly, instead of bottling up my feelings to the point where i actually imagined ripping his face off (something i am SO good at…the bottling of the feelings, not face ripping – that i’ve never done), i decided to tell him how i was feeling. and don’t ya know, he really made more of an effort. the thing about dudes? they aren’t mind readers. oh i wish they were, but you guys? their brains are different. i know that is hard to understand in a 2am haze with a tiny chicken legged person flailing and screaming whilst you TRY to get mustard seed poops out of it’s um, cracks, and SOMEONE is NOSE WHISTLING away peacefully. trust me, I KNOW. it can be infuriating. but a quick “hey you blew the big one last night, throw me a bone, would ya?” the next morning goes further than i ever thought imaginable.
these days we are the Ultimate Harper Tagteam Champions. all that communication stuff really works. we work together instead of assuming, or mind reading or the worst one, resenting. we talk often about our roles as parents, we switch off, we are a team.
this isn’t meant to scare any soon to be moms, i just don’t want anyone living in the fantasy world i was living in. yes, having a child with the person you love most in this world is by far the coolest thing ever. it makes you stronger, but not without some bumps along the way. i wish i had been better prepared for it (along with that first after labor poop) but that is the thing about parenthood – it likes to throw you the curve ball. it’s kind of it’s THING.