My (almost) Cousin Law Momma

Posted on | June 3, 2010 | 11 Comments

I drove to Monticello, Georgia, this morning for what I hoped would be my first full Workers’ Compensation hearing.
If you’re not familiar with Monticello, that’s alright… neither was I. It’s just another in a long line of small towns I travel to in the course of my job. Like most of the places I “visit,” Monticello’s downtown is centered around the town square. The town doesn’t boast much. My client and I met at the only place that appeared to open for breakfast… a little hole in the wall “cafe” where we were the only two customers. The cook had clearly sampled too much of his own food and presented with the type of stomach that can only be achieved by beer, food, and poor genetics. It bulged out like a pregnant woman, creeping over the top of his too small pants and WAY too large to be adequately supported by what can only be described as “chicken legs.”

The menu highlighted “homemade biscuits” so I politely asked the server if they contained lard. He immediately yelled back to the cook:

“HEY! Them biscuits ain’t lard, right?”

The cook peered out around the corner, laughed a cigarette-stained laugh and yelled back:

“NAW. They’s PIG FAT!” He followed this with a cacophony of laughter which was supposed to signal he was joking, but I still had to ask him to clarify.

To be fair, the food wasn’t terrible, but it was the perfect beginning for the rest of my morning.

When we walked across the square and entered the courthouse, I felt a certain deja vu. I couldn’t put my finger on it because I knew I’d never been there. Then it hit me. I was about to try my first hearing… right. here:

Yep. Monticello’s claim to fame… they hold the courthouse where My Cousin Vinny was filmed. I was pumped!  I spent a good five or ten minutes trying to think what, if any, lines I could flip out during my case to amuse myself. I mean, could it have been more perfect? What a great place to start trying cases, right?

Wrong.

My case settled.

When we approached the judge to give her the news I told her that had I known I was going to be in this courtroom, I would have worn something made of animal or a lovely red tuxedo. She laughed and indicated that had she known, she would have brushed up on some Judge Haller quotes and railed on people.

It would have been such a great story to tell. But oh well… maybe next time.

And hey, while you’re here? Have you entered to win the awesome Other Penguin thumb cards? You should. They’re super cute. Check out the giveaway by clicking HERE.

Comments

11 Responses to “My (almost) Cousin Law Momma”

  1. Mommy Attorney
    June 3rd, 2010 @ 3:47 pm

    That is too funny! I had no idea it was filmed there. Congrats on settling your case (even if it prevented you from calling your husband as an expert witness on tire tracks). 🙂

  2. Nikki
    June 3rd, 2010 @ 3:49 pm

    Mmmm, now I want biscuits!

  3. Alena
    June 3rd, 2010 @ 3:52 pm

    I love that movie! We've watched it about a million times I think.

  4. ~*Jess*~
    June 3rd, 2010 @ 4:37 pm

    Biscuits = yum.

    Settling is good, not good for billables or all the work you've already done, but at least you got to pack it up and drive home!

  5. Sara
    June 3rd, 2010 @ 5:18 pm

    This? Is awesome. Do you think you could have gotten away with referring to anyone as yoots?

  6. Eliza
    June 3rd, 2010 @ 5:28 pm

    Hopefully being there didn't get your biological clock a tickin like this (insert foot stamping)!

    Awesome story Law Momma!

  7. Elizabeth
    June 3rd, 2010 @ 6:51 pm

    That's hilarious! I'm a lawyer and I have to watch that movie every few years because it's so hilarious.

    By the way, I wanted to say how much I enjoy your blog. I went to Emory for undergrad and I haven't been back to Atlanta since 2004. It's so nice to read about all the places that I dearly miss.

  8. Rebekah @ Mom-In-A-Million
    June 3rd, 2010 @ 8:37 pm

    I would have paid you cash money if you had done that monologue about "my biological clock is ticking like this ::stomp stomp, stomp::!" that Marissa Tomei did while you were in the courtroom!

  9. Megan (Best of Fates)
    June 3rd, 2010 @ 10:12 pm

    I'm bummed on your behalf – that would have been an amazing story!

  10. Diana
    June 3rd, 2010 @ 10:18 pm

    I now need lard biscuits. I wonder if our grocery store sells them?

  11. Natalie
    June 3rd, 2010 @ 11:36 pm

    Lard biscuits probably would've been VERY good!

    I was thinking of a witty biological clock comment, but see a few others have already done it. I'll just quit now 🙂

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