Somebody’s Got a Bad Case of the Mondays…

Posted on | August 9, 2010 | 11 Comments

I’m tired.

And I don’t mean in a “I haven’t slept in weeks” kind of way, although that is true, too. I mean that I’m just… tired. I feel totally run down and out of shape and just, well… tired.

I feel spent. Like every ounce of energy I ever had in my life has been depleted and I’m left with… nothing. 

On Friday night, I found myself begging Husband not to spend the night at his parents’ house on Saturday. His original plan was to drive back to Macon and fix up the yard at the old house and pick up things we left behind and then drive to his parents’ house and go to his family reunion on Sunday. I don’t remember the last time I begged my husband to do anything for me. (Leave your dirty thoughts at home, folks.) But there I was, two half steps away from a full on cry and BEGGING him not to leave me with J overnight.

How the mighty have fallen.

I think I might be in the midst of a retroactive breakdown. Everything around me is making me feel sick. The apartment, the weather, the baby, the husband… everything. And because everything is making me feel sick, I’m feeling even worse about myself. Like I’m just failing at life because I’m not a shiny happy person.

Being a working mother is so. effing. hard.

Our apartment is about a 20 minute commute from J’s daycare and my office.  Which means that I’m pretty much out of commission from 6:00 am when I get up until 6:00 pm when I get home from work. There is no “me” time. There is no gym time. There is no time for anything except feed the baby, bathe the baby, put the baby to bed, pass out cold. Because if I don’t go to sleep about the same time as J then I might as well just go back to work. I’m on the clock all night. If J wakes up? I’m the one he wants.

No rest for the weary.

I want to remember what it feels like to be me again. And to be honest? I’m absolutely terrified I never will. Is this normal? Is this what all mothers feel like… forever? Because it’s starting to feel like that.

On a lighter note? My son has learned to take his pants off without using his hands. I’m terrified of what type of future this will lend itself to. He’s already managed to teach the rest of his daycare class how to blow kisses in one week flat. To quote one of my favorite little bats… this can only end in disaster.

Comments

11 Responses to “Somebody’s Got a Bad Case of the Mondays…”

  1. amy
    August 9th, 2010 @ 11:23 am

    oh my god….seriously, besides all the rest that you have on your plate…getting near birthday #1 is h.a.r.d.

    Things will get better….you will sleep, and then you'll feel better. Promise. Soon you'll hit your stride in the new life you are making and then watch out! You'll feel great.

    Also, get some St Johns wort tincture….great stuff to "take the edge off" when you are feelin' down.

    Love!!!

  2. HarmSkills
    August 9th, 2010 @ 12:09 pm

    everytime i read your posts, I think one thought. Sleep Training. I know you attempted it. It sucks. Its awful. But it will take about 3,4 5, nights and once you are done with the night nursing, you will sleep and life will feel better again. I have been there. 8 months of my son waking up to eat every 2-3 hours, I was on the brink of divorce or further disaster. Sleep training was the hardest thing I had to do as a parent, but to save my sanity, it had to be done. And I felt my son did not need to be eating all night. FWIW my one BFing mom friend who will not sleep train, her son is 20 months and still waking up 3, 4 times a night. good luck. i know how hard it is

  3. HarmSkills
    August 9th, 2010 @ 12:43 pm

    sorry for the unsolicited advice. i know we hate that. but i could not have done sleep training without first having talking to many friends who lived through it, and seeing how their kids turned out fine. without their support, and encouragement i would never have made it thru the first night.

  4. Law Momma
    August 9th, 2010 @ 12:43 pm

    Harm… J is actually sleeping better. Last night the difficult thing was getting him TO sleep. Once he fell asleep he slept until 5 am. It's just the initial process that needs work. 🙂

    And Aims… I'm gonna go score St. Johns wort on my lunch break. I dont' know where, but somewhere!

  5. HarmSkills
    August 9th, 2010 @ 1:51 pm

    oh thats good! at least he is giving you long stretches! sorry for the long comments, ive just been following your blog and feel so bad for you esp with the sleep. Know that others have been there!

  6. ~*Jess*~
    August 9th, 2010 @ 3:59 pm

    I emailed you…but anyway, pants off without hands? Very cool 😉

  7. Elizabeth
    August 9th, 2010 @ 5:13 pm

    Although I'm not a working mom, I am a working wife…trying to keep together a house, take care of a husband, attend graduate school, work at my practicum, work at my real job, do homework, and attempting not to die.

    If it makes you feel better, I chronicled my awful schedule here: http://permanentlyatlunch.blogspot.com/2010/08/never-ending-birth-process.html

    You are not alone in your lack of sleep… 🙁

  8. Ry's Mama
    August 9th, 2010 @ 7:26 pm

    I was exactly where you are about a month ago. I had snapped at my husband one evening after work, he totally called me on it and I didn't talk to him for the rest of the evening. I just reflected and all I could think about was how unhappy I was with myself. I wrote it all down in a letter to him. Then I cried and cried and cried. Sometimes, it just gets to be too much. Life is hard. We all go through it. If I could send you a virutal hug, I would.You will feel normal again. I promise.

  9. Janelle
    August 10th, 2010 @ 1:46 am

    Moving sucks. Plain and simple. It will, of course, get better, but in the meantime…I'm impressed you manage to pump out a well-written blog post after everything else you have to do in a day!

  10. KLZ
    August 10th, 2010 @ 2:00 am

    would it help if I start emailing you a dirty joke a day?

    It would, wouldn't it?

  11. Metta1313
    August 10th, 2010 @ 4:21 am

    Well, I think you know my thoughts on the issue…the "me" time thing…the "no time" thing really. Does it make you feel better to know that you aren't alone in this. Abby's sleeping is still sucking it up and we are venturing into sleep training soon since I go back to work in less than a month. So yeah, I'm right there with you, though I'm sure this comment didn't help.

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