When Being Southern Sucks….

Posted on | August 10, 2010 | 8 Comments

I am a lawyer.

It’s true and it should come as no surprise to those of you who either read regularly or who comprehend English. (Law Momma = lawyer + Momma) But the thing is? I’m not THAT kind of lawyer. I didn’t go to law school and come out a hardened thought-process nazi (I don’t think this word should be be capitalized. They suck.) with the ability to turn my hormones off and on at will. I didn’t take the class on how to shut off my heart and, well, I’m sort of proud of my heart. It’s one of my very best attributes. And I don’t WANT to learn to shut it off.

Well, on most days.

But today? I would have liked to turn the whole thing off and run in rote mode. Because by 9:45 am, I was sitting at my desk in my quiet office, wiping away tears and hoping to God that one of the two other people in my office didn’t come in and force me to make up some terrible lie about a dog or cat or friend of a friend who died in a terrible freak accident. (Judge me. Go ahead. ) Luckily no one came in, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that I was a 32 year old attorney. Crying. At my desk.

This is why restaurants serve alcohol at lunch. Too bad I lunched at my desk. And well, yeah, it’s also frowned upon.

I feel like I’m starting from scratch. Like I just erased the last three years of my life and went right back to where I was… only this time, I have a baby. But I’m back in an apartment, starting a new job… and it’s like I never spent three years working at my last job. I have to learn everything all over again! Not the law… but the phraseology. I have to learn how THIS boss wants things. How THIS firm does things. Everything is different. And I’m having to learn it all fresh.

And my pride says THIS SUCKS. My pride wants to stand up and say “I know what I’m doing and I am a good lawyer so NYAH NYAH NYAH.” But the Southern woman in me says “Yes sir. I’ll do better, sir” and “Yes ma’am, you’re right… I will fix it.”

My pride and my Southern Woman are not friends right now. In fact, my pride would very much like to kick my inner Shelby in the ass.

But instead? I do what a good Southern Woman would do. I cry. In private. And keep saying “Yes Ma’am” when anyone is looking.

Comments

8 Responses to “When Being Southern Sucks….”

  1. Cybil
    August 10th, 2010 @ 11:31 am

    This is definitely a difficult time for you – new job, new town, plus add a baby in there…

    Sometimes I feel like I am re-living my 30s through you! Been there / done that! You WILL get through this! And you WILL be stronger for it! There is no crime in taking a few minutes to shed some tears.

    Things will slowly improve, and your confidence will build back up! This firm would not have hired you if your weren't great at what you do! Just remember – you ARE a DAMN GOOD ATTORNEY and you are an AWESOME MOMMY!

    I am thinking about you my friend!

  2. HarmSkills
    August 10th, 2010 @ 11:42 am

    southern or not, in the end you get more flies with honey. good luck! I hope you have a better day soon.

  3. Bink
    August 10th, 2010 @ 1:13 pm

    Before moving to DC to finish law school and then moving to Savannah in April, I was owner of my second home, had a fantastic career as a a Sr. VP of a tax firm as well as freelanced with a Texas hospital group on their mergers and acquisitions.

    Not being married or having kids, my career has always been my "pride". It's the only place I felt worth and not like I was a failure at… well everything else in my life.

    Moving to Savannah has had the same effect on me in that I feel like I was closer to my goals/more put together three years ago than today. Starting this job in wrecked havoc in my confidence.

    I just keep telling myself that what I KNOW has to be stronger than what I FEEL.

    I have faith in you! You are amazing, and my inspiration because you seem to balance and have a great handle on everything.

  4. Cristy
    August 10th, 2010 @ 1:28 pm

    Aw, I'm so sorry it's tough at the new job, but from someone who recently graduated from law school and decided not to pursue law after all, I just want to COMMEND you on that first paragraph of loving your heart!! I saw myself slipping and becoming those horrible people that you talked about. Honestly, I admire you for knowing how to do it all!! That is so inspirational!

  5. Nikki
    August 10th, 2010 @ 1:28 pm

    I'm in the same boat. Well, not the same boat exactly, I guess I'm in troubled waters with you and our boats are just floating along. Anyway…it's hard to stand up and say what you really want to say or do what you really want to do when you know it's best to just keep your mouth shut. Why does it have to be so difficult?

  6. D
    August 10th, 2010 @ 1:47 pm

    This is why we are here – to let you cry and not judge you. You will learn the tricks of the trade at your new firm. And you will figure it all out and use those past 3 years to get you there. (((hugs))) Feel free to let it all out. Then get back to it. Because you can do it!

  7. Anonymous
    August 10th, 2010 @ 4:32 pm

    I am also a 32 year old lawyer with small children…two actually. A nearly 3 year old boy and a 9 month old girl. Just living the dream…

    Family law…working for all men who either have no children, their children are all grown up or their ex-wife cares for the children. Very little understanding…which translates into a dream scenario most days since little understanding generally means too nervous to comment on what I am or am not doing.

    But on "those" days – I have also shut my door, shed more than my fair share of tears and have enjoyed a cocktail or two. It always gets better. Would have been nice in law school if someone told me that a full time career would make marriage and children that much more difficult…but even more so rewarding.

    Overall…I suggest a few cuss words, followed by a couple cocktails and hugs from your baby. I find that seems to make it all better in the present.

    Good luck!

  8. Cowgirl in the City
    August 10th, 2010 @ 5:00 pm

    Just keep plugging along, you'll get back into the swing of things… stupid law phraseology.

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