I’m no Perry Mason

Posted on | November 11, 2010 | 7 Comments

Yesterday, I left the house at 7:30 and didn’t get home until 6:30. I spent over six hours of my day inside my car. I met with four different people in two different locations and took a lot of scrawly notes on my trusty legal pad. I got lost three times thanks to Mapquest. I discovered that there is a place in Georgia called McBean. Seriously. McBean, Georgia. Look it up.

And all of that was just my day job.

If I were Perry Mason, I would have come home to a quiet home, poured myself a glass of something… probably Brandy… that seems Perry Mason-ish, put on my house coat and flipped on the television. I’d have put my feet up on the ottoman and sipped my warm beverage and watched something intellectually stimulating while maybe finishing the Times’ Crossword.

Since I’m not Perry Mason, I came home to a kid covered in honey glazed carrots and ketchup. There was a dog barking anxiously at my feet, hoping to God I was going to let him go to the bathroom. When I tried to go to the bathroom after my long drive back, my son screamed like a banshee, wondering (without words) why I was leaving him again when I JUST GOT THERE. I had to leave the door open and sing to him while I peed. Relaxing. Then Husband went to go get us pizza because that was better than any other option we could come up with and I got to read Is Your Mama a Llama seventeen times to a child whose favorite part is when there is a cow on the page and he can yell MOOOOOOOO!!!!

Then, I rocked my child to sleep and at approximately 8:15, I sat down to enjoy some lukewarm pizza and a glass of water while Husband flipped the channels on the television until he could find something suitably mindless. And to top it all off? I have a giant zit on my chin that is really starting to piss me off.

I will wager a guess that Perry Mason never had days like this.


7 Responses to “I’m no Perry Mason”

  1. legallyinsanemommy
    November 11th, 2010 @ 2:24 pm

    You have just described my day except substitute "There's a wocket in my pocket" for "Is Your Mama a Llamma."

  2. Anne
    November 11th, 2010 @ 3:04 pm

    I bet the fact that daylight savings makes it dark when you leave and dark when you come home doesn't help either.

    If it helps, I have a giant zit too…how old are we again?

  3. Dre
    November 11th, 2010 @ 3:56 pm

    hee hee… my youngest screams like that when I try to go hang my coat up after I walk in the door, or if I walk back out to the mailbox to get the mail. Peeing? Forget it. I just keep the door open because he frantically waddles after me so that I can't get away again.

    I love those days of interviewing folks… try having to sit for six hours in the dressing room of a strip club, interviewing girls who do not care that they are jiggling their bare tatas in their hands while they talk to you before they have to go onstage, all while trying not to choke on the heavy cigarette smoke in the air. Then going home and smelling like smoke and ten different types of perfume and hearing your oldest yell about how "stinky" you are. Bet Perry Mason didn't have to do that either.

  4. Jennifer
    November 11th, 2010 @ 5:05 pm

    BUT, does the little man have an ear infection? Did he make it alright through the day at school?

    We all have those days as working mothers. As he gets a little bigger it will get easier. I promise.

  5. Anonymous
    November 11th, 2010 @ 5:24 pm

    You kind of just described most of my days. But you know what? They're not so bad…I kind of like my days. How boring would life be if we just sat around in the evening in lounge jackets doing nothing?!? And honestly, even pre-baby, my evenings were not that relaxing…

  6. Hoosier Momma
    November 12th, 2010 @ 1:39 am

    That sounds like so many of my days…I travel for work (daytrips) and have also sung while peeing many a time to entertain my daughter. Plus, I also am currently growing an absolutely enormous and painful zit on my chin. Fun times.

  7. erobell
    November 12th, 2010 @ 10:20 am

    The day sounds so familiar – granted I get home earlier b/c I'm a teacher BUT I still have the "door open bathroom experiences" and "lukewarm pizza as the best option" dinner –

    Perry Mason could only hope to hang with the likes of us…I'm not "sexist" but…VERY few men could!!

    You ROCK and you are doing great – take a deep breath and know this!

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