Posted on | December 29, 2010 | 16 Comments
I have a lot of decisions to make.
As the year comes to a close, I have to make some difficult decisions about where my life is heading and where my career is heading. And I don’t know how to make those decisions. Because when I went to law school, I wanted to be this high-powered New York City lawyer. I wanted to work long hours and make big money and be… important. I thought I would be a career woman; always taking the next jump, then next promotion, the next big case.
And then I became a lawyer. I married Husband. I had a son. And suddenly, those things just don’t seem to matter to me any more. I don’t know that I want to be a high-powered lawyer. I don’t want to bill 2500 hours a year and work most nights and weekends. I don’t want to have a stack of things to do on my desk that keep me burning the midnight oil until I look harried and sick. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being a lawyer. I actually like the work that I do. I just don’t know that I like the amount of work that I’m expected to do. I want a life outside the law. I want to be able to consider the law my day job. And I’m not sure that there are options like that for lawyers. Are there options like that for lawyers? Are there options like that for anyone? I just don’t know.
All I know is that I have some decisions to make. Because I’m slowly losing my mind over here. Yesterday I washed my hair with body wash and this morning, I got out of the shower and started my morning ritual only to notice that I still had all the shampoo in my hair. Not the conditioner… the shampoo. Just another reminder that I don’t know where my head is. My heart? I’ve got that covered. But I’ve got to locate my head and fasten it tightly to the rest of me.
And so I have decisions to make.