Posted on | December 30, 2010 | 6 Comments
There are three words that I have learned to despise when they appear at the start of any sentence in any conversation. Those three words?
“Does your son…”
Or, in the alternative “does your kid” or “Does J” or whatever… you get the picture. The reason I hate them? I am never prepared. Take, for example, a facebook status that appeared in my feed yesterday. In it, a well-meaning mother asked for advice on how to teach her children to use silverware. I thought it was a great question since our kids are around the same age and told her to share the advice she gets. Only I wasn’t prepared for the actual advice. It seems that other parents, namely not me, have been plodding away at teaching their children how to use spoons and forks and knives.(and hell, probably potty training them at age one and teaching them the periodic table for all I know.)
Meanwhile, I’m still teaching J where his mouth is and how to insert food, close mouth, chew and swallow. It’s the swallowing that troubles him most. He’d prefer to store it away in his chubby little cheeks for some cold day in February when maybe we’ll forget to feed him. But silverware? No. Silverware is for big kids. Silverware is for children that say “Please and thank you” not “peas and Tak-oo.” I mean, I give J a spoon sometimes, but more often than not, I just put his food on his tray and let him have at it. Is that bad? Am I supposed to be portioning it out onto little plates, tying his napkin around his neck and teaching him to swish his milk before spitting it to check for flavor?
I’ve tried the suction cup bowls. People? There is not enough suction in those cups. Without resorting to cementing the bowl onto his tray, there is NOTHING that will keep a bowl, cup, plate or spoon fastened down when J is in the room. He looks at the suction cups as a challenge. I can see what he’s thinking. He looks at the bowl and then back at me and suddenly we’re in a really bad over-dubbed Japanese movie: “Ah ha! You thought you’d fool me, mama! Ah ha! I will pull this up and… HIYA! Your suction is no match for me.”
So you can see why silverware seems like a lost cause. Maybe by the time J grows up, we’ll have all moved past silverware and everything will be eaten by either fingers or straws. That’s what I’m banking on because he’s got straws down pat.