Posted on | March 29, 2011 | 11 Comments
There are things that I hate… and usually I can mask my disdain for them but one week out of every month, my hatred rises up into the back of my throat and threatens to gag me with sheer distaste and disgust. This is that week.
These are things I hate:
1. Girls who have thighs that don’t touch when they walk. This is closely related to my hatred of people who own jeans that don’t wear thin in the thigh area.
2. The plastic surgeon who invented cosmetic breast implants. Seriously, dude? You couldn’t let us fat chicks have ONE THING? Let me press my button.
3. People who wear sunglasses when it’s either cloudy or after sunset. Unless you are blind. Then it’s okay but you should have the decency to tell me you’re blind so I don’t press my other button.
4. People who protest at funerals. Special. Place. In. Hell.
5. The plastic they use to put around toys and batteries. Really? Toys and batteries? Not, I don’t know, light bulbs? This hatred is also closely related to the hatred I have for people who look at me like I’m crazy when I ask them to open something for me in the store when I have a screaming child flailing on my right side.
6. Skinny jeans. Just on principle, I will also hate you if you are wearing them. Especially if you are a guy.
7. Emo. Just the phrase. WTF does it even mean? Is it short for emotional? IF so, are you SOOOOO emotional that you can’t add in the rest of the word? Are you just soooo cool that you don’t, like, need that “-tional?” Whatever.
8. Peel top aluminum cans. They ALWAYS splash. Always. No matter how you hold them. No matter how carefully you pull the tab. See also, yogurt.
9. The Old Navy mannequin commercials.