Posted on | April 8, 2011 | 17 Comments

My head has been encapsulated in fear, anxiety, hurt, doubt, and the ever present worry for the better part of seven days.  Beginning last Saturday, everything I thought I knew about my world, my job, my marriage, my family and myself, crumbled down around me and left me motionless.

I’ve never felt so alone, so helpless, and so utterly broken.

And to say that this week has been hard would trivialize things so much, that I can’t even use that familiar word.  Saying I was and am in a rough patch was like saying World War Two was a minor disagreement.

I feel lost.  I feel ravaged by a flurry of emotions and words and actions. 

But as I sit here today, for the first time in a week or maybe longer, I also feel the barest hint of hope.  I have hope that I will find my way through, around, over, or even under this mess.  I have hope that what emerges from the shambles of my life will be a lustrous phoenix of a reality that will carry me through the hard times ahead. 

I have hope that I will be okay.

And hope? Hope is a powerful thing.

This morning, I reached out a hand and felt the secure grip of my toddler’s fingers wrapping around mine.

This morning, I remembered that I am not alone. 

This morning, while one had reached down for my son, the other reached up into the heavens and found a hand outstretched and waiting.

And I remembered I am not alone.

This morning I found hope and warmth and safety in the strong grip of my son and in the strong arms of something greater than myself. 

And I have hope that things will be okay.


17 Responses to “Hope”

  1. MamaHudd
    April 8th, 2011 @ 3:14 pm

    Hope is a powerful thing. I hope you are able to find your way through your “rough patch” as easily as possible. I don’t know your circumstances, but I am always available to chat! And on a side note: I was incredibly sad that you were taking a hiatus from blogging. I know its selfish because you clearly deserve a break, but I love reading your writing. In fact, reading your blog inspired me to start my own (which is not nearly as well written as yours, but I try :)).

  2. Eve
    April 8th, 2011 @ 3:19 pm

    Law Momma, I’m sorry for what you are going through but I am so happy that despite the acute stage, you have found hope! Already! That’s incredible and speaks to your strong character! Prayers for you as you continue through this valley. Remember, if it’s not fine, it’s not the end!

  3. Jessica @ Raising an Owlet
    April 8th, 2011 @ 4:03 pm

    Law Momma,
    As someone who works for a living with people struggling through terrible things, I can say without question that hope IS an incredibly, powerful thing. I can hold it for my clients when they often don’t have it for themselves, but those that do have hope tend to come through their own rough patches a lot faster than those that don’t. Sending you lots of positive thoughts, and holding some hope for you too.

  4. Mom on a Line
    April 8th, 2011 @ 4:14 pm

    I’m glad that you have hope. With that, you can begin. I will keep you in my thoughts.

  5. Cybil
    April 8th, 2011 @ 4:23 pm

    I am thinking about you my friend… I have had some very dark times in the recent past, and holding onto hope is so important…

    Please let me know if you need to talk one-on-one.

  6. krlr
    April 8th, 2011 @ 4:26 pm

    I (am sorry I) never comment but I’ve been enjoying your stories for a while. Big virtual hug. Hope & feathers & a stiff upper lip.

  7. Ginger
    April 8th, 2011 @ 4:35 pm

    I’m sorry you’re having to deal with such turmoil. Having hope in the face of turmoil is amazing–and the beginning steps toward whatever healing you need.

  8. Mrs. MidAtlantic
    April 8th, 2011 @ 6:38 pm

    I am so glad you found your hope. No, you are not alone. You are never alone.

  9. Sara
    April 8th, 2011 @ 6:51 pm

    Just want to say I’m sorry things have been so bad for you lately, and I’m praying for you.

  10. sarah
    April 8th, 2011 @ 10:41 pm

    Hey, I’m really sorry you are having a hard time. Just know that you are not alone, you have an adorable wee tot that loves you, and everything eventually gets better no matter how shitty they are now.
    Oh, chocolate and wine are helpful, too.

  11. KristinaYellow
    April 8th, 2011 @ 11:02 pm

    I am glad you have found hope-I’m still looking for mine. However, you are making it easier for me to think I can find hope–and am going to hug my not-so-little baby.

  12. Nichole
    April 9th, 2011 @ 12:43 am

    I know that there’s really nothing that I can say here…
    But I wanted you to know that I am here if you need anything at all.

    Hold onto your hope and sink into your baby’s hugs.
    Much love,

  13. Alexandra
    April 9th, 2011 @ 2:57 pm

    Hope will carry you through.

  14. Suniverse
    April 9th, 2011 @ 3:09 pm

    If you can find the barest hint of hope, you will persevere.

  15. Katie
    April 9th, 2011 @ 3:15 pm

    Hope is a thing with feathers, my friend.

    so much love to you.


  16. Miranda
    April 9th, 2011 @ 9:46 pm

    I was coming to say what Katie said. But…well…she said it first.

    Thinking of you.

  17. Erin
    April 19th, 2011 @ 4:57 pm

    you are in my thoughts and my prayers. and you are never alone.

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