Broken

Posted on | April 11, 2011 | 37 Comments

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, I’m sure you’ve noticed a turn of events lately. Things got a little dour. Things got a little sad. Things got a little… miserably depressing and sad and mopey and heart-breaking and …

Well.

I don’t need to go on.

Here’s the scoop: I’m gonna try not to wallow in the fact that my marriage may be irretrievably broken. I’m gonna try to focus on the fact that my marriage, as sad as it is right now, produced something wonderful in my darling son. I’m gonna try to focus on the fact that I have friends and family who support me on the phone, in person, online, and over email. I’m gonna try to get through this as whole as possible.

My heart is broken.

My soul is wounded.

My faith in other people is shaken to the core.

But the human heart is resilient. The immortal soul can heal. Faith can be restored even when it is so dark that the only thing I can be sure of is that my tears are the source of the puddles around me and the cries in the night are no ones but my own.

I will get through this.

I will smile again.

I will be okay. Because at the end of the day, there is still beauty in the world. There is still the laugh of my son to get me out of bed. There is still the sweet sight of two chubby little legs powering towards me when I arrive at daycare to get me through the work day. There is still the soft half-sigh and snuggle to prepare me for bed. There is, after all, still J.

I will be okay.

Comments

37 Responses to “Broken”

  1. mrshiggison
    April 11th, 2011 @ 4:55 pm

    Hugs.

  2. Tiffany @MomNom
    April 11th, 2011 @ 4:58 pm

    You are loved. Beyond words. And you know where to find me…

  3. Verna
    April 11th, 2011 @ 4:59 pm

    I’m so sorry! ((HUG))

  4. Kitty
    April 11th, 2011 @ 4:59 pm

    ….If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
    And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”…

    hold on, and keep on holding on.

  5. KristinaYellow
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:07 pm

    Must be something in the water. Sigh. I hope your little one gives you lots of hugs and lots of hope–the light at the end of the tunnel will arrive.

  6. Caroline
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:12 pm

    We’ve never met but I’m an attorney too, a mom of one, and I identify with you so much and I too feel broken right now. Thanks for sharing.

  7. Jess@Straight Talk
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:22 pm

    hugs. hugs. hugs.

    You are an incredibly strong woman. You WILL get through this. And power on.

  8. Stephanie Appel
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:24 pm

    Oh my darling. Hang in there… you are a fountain of strength, and a brilliant woman and mother. Hold out for only the best, even if the journey is painful. 🙁

    All my thoughts and prayers are with you.

  9. Elizabeth
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:27 pm

    Sending lots of prayers your way for the strength to get through this. I know you will.

  10. Jana A
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:28 pm

    We all love you. Sending lots of love and peaceful vibes your way. xoxo

  11. Mrs. MidAtlantic
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:29 pm

    Lots of love through the interwebs to you and little J.

  12. Irina
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:33 pm

    Hang in there! I am so sorry you are going through this.

  13. Jennifer
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:33 pm

    Big, big, big hugs to you and Little J.

  14. Tyler-Ashlee's Mama
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:35 pm

    Sorry, you’re feeling so sad. {HUGS}

  15. Heather
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:37 pm

    E-mail support and hugs are here for you… *hugs*

  16. Jessica @ Raising an Owlet
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:54 pm

    sending you and J tons of hugs. You are so incredibly strong. and you will get through this.

  17. Sara
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:54 pm

    Praying for peace and healing for your broken heart. Take care of your self and your boy and I hope the rest falls in to place soon.

  18. Jennifer
    April 11th, 2011 @ 5:58 pm

    oh, law-momma, i’m so sorry. i’ve been there – though i didn’t have the sweet smiles of a child to get me through. i’ll be keeping you in my thoughts.

  19. Ginger
    April 11th, 2011 @ 6:01 pm

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sending you strength!

  20. Jo
    April 11th, 2011 @ 6:48 pm

    I’m a lawyer and a mom to a boy a little older than J. My marriage fell apart when I was pregnant, divorce was finalized by the time my son was 6 months.

    I can tell you for certain that you will get through it, you will smile again and you WILL be okay.

    So sorry you are going through this.

  21. MrsMcDancer
    April 11th, 2011 @ 7:05 pm

    I am so sorry that life has given you lemons. You will find the strength to get through this and you will come out a stronger person {not that you aren’t strong to begin with!} Eventually you’ll be able to sip that lemonade in happiness.

  22. Delia
    April 11th, 2011 @ 7:07 pm

    Lots and lots of hugs.

  23. katie
    April 11th, 2011 @ 7:11 pm

    Hugs!

  24. MamaHudd
    April 11th, 2011 @ 7:20 pm

    Lots and lots of love and hugs to both of you. You helped me through one of the worst times of my life and I know you’ve got the strength to get through this. When you’ve made that sweet lemonade I’d be happy to provide the vodka!

  25. Melissa
    April 11th, 2011 @ 7:32 pm

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

  26. Shanon
    April 11th, 2011 @ 7:37 pm

    Sad times. Thinking of you and hoping the support and the love of family and friends will help you through this.

    You can and you will move on. Just remember that healing takes time. Take care and be patient with yourself.

    All the best,
    Shanon

  27. Truthful Mommy
    April 11th, 2011 @ 8:33 pm

    Hugs mama! Life can be a mean ugly bitch sometimes but ,as you said, all you have to do is look at your sweet little boy and know that there is good in the world. This may feel like the whole world is crashing down on you now but know this, when you come out the other side of this, you will be stronger and life will be much sweeter.I am very sorry that you have been so hurt and have to go through such a painful ordeal.

  28. Keiko
    April 11th, 2011 @ 8:58 pm

    You are an amazing woman/ mother/ writer/ friend. I love you.

  29. Luna
    April 11th, 2011 @ 9:33 pm

    We think you are an amazing amazing woman. Let us know if there’s anything we can do.

  30. Mama Fisch
    April 11th, 2011 @ 10:34 pm

    “You’ve got a friend in me…” Whatever that means, I am here for you. You are a strong woman and I know that you will follow your heart, trust your gut and find your way! Take some time for you…to sip coffee, clear your head and take care of yourself. J is one lucky boy to have you as his mama…

  31. Beth
    April 12th, 2011 @ 12:51 am

    I am thinking about you Law Momma. ::Big Hugs from Indiana::

  32. Eve
    April 12th, 2011 @ 1:44 am

    Prayers for you…

  33. krlr
    April 12th, 2011 @ 12:17 pm

    I’m so sorry. I wish I had more words for you, or something quirky & uplifting – but no, just my sympathies.

  34. monk
    April 12th, 2011 @ 1:31 pm

    love you bunches.

  35. Hollee Temple
    April 12th, 2011 @ 10:39 pm

    So sorry for all you’re going through. You are stronger than you think.

  36. Kimberly
    April 13th, 2011 @ 10:31 pm

    I follow you on twitter and noticed your more recent posts… hadn’t been to your blog in awhile… I am so sorry. My husband suddenly announced he was “all done” being married last March, when I was 10 weeks pregnant with our second son. He never looked back. It’s been a nightmare of a year with a LOT of beautiful bright spots, not the least of which is my precious now-almost-6 month old boy and my big 2 1/2 year old boy… Shared custody does indeed SUCK in the worst way, but I’ve come through this horrendous experience stronger, better, and actually kind of thankful… sending you lots of good wishes and prayers… stay strong!

  37. New Leaf… try #2 for blogging « Struggling For (Happily) Ever After
    April 17th, 2011 @ 1:05 am

    […] – that until now has been saying great things about her husband – that her marriage is broken.  I didn’t have a clue from her other posts… it seemed like it came out of the […]

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