Midnight Madness

Posted on | April 21, 2011 | 2 Comments

My arms are open but my eyes are closed.

These arms betray me.  They reach out when I want them to lie still.  They plead with their openness, offering up the unhappy truth that I want too desperately to fall into a familiar embrace.  I want to feel warmth wrapped around me, a safety net against the storm.  I want to press my face into a familiar shoulder and breathe in the sameness of my world before.

These eyes protect me.  They are closed to the scene playing out around me.  I stumble blindly, hoping that when and if my tear-streaked eyes find their way, the world will be right side up.  For now, they are sewn shut; fluttering dams against the onslaught of tears, begging absence from light and color and truth.  I can not open my eyes to the truth of this.

My arms are open but my eyes are closed.

It is backwards and upside down.  It is the opposite.  It is the undoing of me.

And so I reach deep, searching for the answer.

My eyes peel open and I tumble headfirst into grief. Into truth. Into pain.  In a freefall, the tears find their way out and down, up and around, washing me clean, drenching me through and through with the ache of alone and the throb of broken.

And then, without warning, my arms close tight around me.

I am held.

I am loved.

My eyes are finally open…

and my arms are finally closed.



2 Responses to “Midnight Madness”

  1. Casey
    April 21st, 2011 @ 3:36 pm

    You write so beautifully about the pain; I remember with such clarity as I read your words exactly how it felt. And, God, did it suck ass. It was truly horrible. You will find a new shoulder, a new familiar embrace, and a new warmth that will make you wonder why you were willing to settle for the one you used to have. You experience and wisdom will guide you to the right person. You just need to trust, which will take time, and be patient, which is the hardest. Enjoy this time with your son now, you will find a companion to share your family in time.

  2. Geana
    May 12th, 2011 @ 7:11 pm


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