A Hopeful Beginning

Posted on | January 3, 2012 | 3 Comments

For all my “it’s just a tick of a clock,” somewhere deep down, I think I expected magic with the dawn of 2012. 

Let’s face it, 2011 wasn’t a banner year in my household.  I don’t know what I wanted to happen, but greeting the day with ever-increasing back pain, a toddler who prefers to treat me like a rented trampoline than a mommy, and a slight headache from splitting a bottle of wine the night before was… well, not it.  What is it about the dawning of a new year that makes us think everything starts fresh and clean?  If it’s just another day, why do we insist on marking it with a countdown and resolutions and … hope?

I guess it’s more than just a tick of the clock after all.  I suppose it’s more because we make it more… we make it about starting fresh, wiping the slate clean, beginning again.  I suppose we all need a reason to hope that things will change… that things will get better… that things will heal.

And don’t get me wrong, I still have hope for this year. 

I still have hope that I will meet a nice guy who will take me out to dinner or drinks and who will not turn out to have a girlfriend.

I still have hope that I will wake up to a healed back and a healed heart and a healed psyche.

I still have hope that 2012 will be the year that finds me stronger and healthier and happier.

But at the beginning or end of the day… it’s hard to put a finger on hope, right? It’s hard to wrap your arms around it and cuddle it close at night.  It’s hard to pour it a glass of wine, ask it about its day, or expect it to kiss you goodnight.  Hope isn’t exactly the warmest of bedmates or the tidiest of housemates or the sweetest of next-door friends.

Or is it?

Maybe, just maybe, hope isn’t about holding out for what we don’t have… Maybe it is simply the recognition of what we already have… wrapped up in different packages.  I may not have a man to kiss me goodnight on New Year’s Eve… but I have a little boy to kiss me awake on New Year’s Day.  I may not have the tidiest home, but I have a home that is warm and cozy and packed so full of love that it tumbles and soars out of every nook and cranny.  I may not have the nearest of friends… but my God, I have the dearest.

So maybe I have a little more than “just” hope that I will stand straight and tall and weather the coldness that lies ahead in order to find Spring again.  Maybe I have, laid out in front and within, all the tools I need to build a life for myself and my son.  Maybe I have, spilling out across the front lawn of my life, everything I need to be happy and healthy and strong in 2012. 

I guess, as it turns out, having hope was and is the only thing I really needed anyway.


3 Responses to “A Hopeful Beginning”

  1. Mom-nom
    January 3rd, 2012 @ 10:20 am

    Happy New Year, friend! Here’s to a healthier and happier 2012!

  2. Maija @ Maija's Mommy Moments
    January 3rd, 2012 @ 12:32 pm

    Wishing you many wonderful happenings in 2012 – including a man who treats you properly and doesn’t turn out to have a girlfriend.

  3. Dawn
    January 3rd, 2012 @ 9:52 pm

    Oh man…I take it opposing counsel had a girlfriend? Not cool. Not cool at all!

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