Getting Stuck

Posted on | March 5, 2012 | 4 Comments

When I am knee-deep in work or a phone call and J want’s my attention, he works himself into a very tight space and then calls for me:

“Mommy! I’m stuck! I need your help!”

He’s never really stuck, he’s always quite able to get himself out of whatever situation he’s in, but he refuses to even try to extricate himself until I extend a hand and offer to help.

This morning, we’re watching Nick Jr. and waiting for babysitting aid so I can go to work.  J had a fever all day yesterday and a ridiculous runny nose so he’s banned from daycare until tomorrow, and I’m still reeling from Jen’s death, so it’s sort of nice to take things slow today.  I opened my laptop to check my work email and get some things done while J watched television and immediately lost myself in a slew of emails and things that needed immediate attention.  I was so engrossed in what I was doing, I stopped really paying attention to J at all.  Suddenly, from just below me, I heard a little voice:

“Help! Momma! I stuck!”

He had piled the sofa pillows up around him and slid halfway under the sofa.  His big blue eyes were peering up at me from beneath his sweet blond curls and I couldn’t help but smile.  He wasn’t stuck.  He wasn’t even remotely stuck.

But he wanted me to help him, anyway.  He was feeling lonely.  He was feeling left out.

Suddenly it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe,  I was piling up my own metaphorical pillows around me.  Maybe a lot of my sadness stemmed from wedging myself under the heavy curve funeral plans and the aching weight of loss, reaching out a hand and begging for someone to help me get… unstuck.  Only I’m not really stuck.  I’m not really unable to get myself out of this self-imposed prison.  I’m not as helpless as I feel, not as motionless as I appear.   Maybe, I just need to remember, I just need to know, that if I really do get stuck, if I really can’t get out, that someone else will be there.  That just because Jen is gone, doesn’t mean I’m all alone.

I looked down at my son and shook my head.

“You’re not stuck, buddy,” I smiled.  “You can get out.”

And instead of extending a hand to help him, like I normally do, I closed my laptop and sat down my phone.  I watched him pull himself out from under the sofa and then hugged him close.  Because he wasn’t really stuck…

 He just needed me to remind him that if he’s ever really stuck, I’ll be there to help.  He just needed the reminder that he’s not alone.  He just needed my attention, my love, my support. 

He just needed a reminder that someone would be there if he needed them. 

And maybe that’s all I need, too.  Maybe all I need is a reminder that just because my husband is gone, just because my go-to friend is gone… just because I feel alone, doesn’t mean I really am.  Despite my sadness, I drew in a deep breath and realized the truth:

I am not as alone as I feel.

Comments

4 Responses to “Getting Stuck”

  1. Kreeper611
    March 5th, 2012 @ 10:39 am

    My heart breaks for your loss and the loss your friend’s family is going through. You’ll get through it. It won’t ever be the same, and part of you will always be missing, but you’ll get through it.

  2. Jana A (@jana0926)
    March 5th, 2012 @ 1:15 pm

    You’re not alone. I know it has to feel like it sometimes, but you have so many people who love you and want to be there for you. I think I need another run to M.

  3. molly
    March 5th, 2012 @ 2:05 pm

    No, you’re not alone. And you have all these crazy internet people out here rooting for you.

  4. Maija @ Maija's Mommy Moments
    March 6th, 2012 @ 10:27 am

    Amazing what our children can teach us if we just take a minute to watch and to listen. Sending hugs !

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    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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