Breaking the Rules

Posted on | July 10, 2012 | 10 Comments

You know what I realized?

I used to be funny.

No seriously, bear with me… I did.  I read back through some of my old blog posts and I’m all “Where the hell did that funny chick go and who is this whiny self-important ass who is writing in her place?”

See, divorce sort of sucks the life out of you for a while.  You go to sleep this awesome, funny totally average girl, and in the middle of the night your spouse sneaks up on you and rips out your core so that when you wake up you’re just this shell of a person grasping at straws that you think will make you look more like a real person.  Only they just make you look like, well, a total asshole.

And some of the posts I read lately… some of my posts… make me think that I wouldn’t much like myself if I were to stumble upon me on the street.  I’d probably be the woman dressed in an ankle-length skirt and librarian hair holding a sign that said something like “WOE TO YE!” or some other obnoxious saying.  Get what I’m telling you? Do I need to spell it out?

Lately I’ve been sucking.


It was never more apparent to me than when I was at the beach last week and my sister was all “Let’s poor beer in a cup and take it on our walk” and I was all “OHMIGOSH THAT’S AGAINST THE RULES YOU SINNER.” Like a stick in the mud.  Like a freaking cut scene out of Mad Men. 

Like an asshole.

I didn’t used to be an asshole.

I used to be fun. 

I used to think sipping a beer out of a solo cup on a walk was totally acceptable and awesome.  I used to think that rules were meant to be bent a little at the center… just enough to see how much of a crack could be sustained before they snapped.

I used to be awesome.

And then I got divorced and suddenly I felt like I couldn’t be awesome anymore.  I was a single mother and that meant saying goodbye to everything else, right? I couldn’t be wild and crazy. I had to be secure.  I had to be staid.  I had to be tried and true and very, very, boring.

I hate being secure.  And staid.  And I double dog hate being boring.

In one month from Friday, I will have been divorced for a year.  Today marks the one year and three month mark to the day that I left my husband to regain myself. 

Surely all that trouble wasn’t just so I could be all self-righteous and boring.  Surely all of the angst and heartache was for more than just a neatly pressed blouse and bobby-pinned bun.

It’s time to let my hair down, y’all.

It’s time to reclaim my awesome. 

It’s time to pour beer in a solo cup and take a walk… because you’re never, EVER too old to break a few rules.


10 Responses to “Breaking the Rules”

  1. Jenn Matiyasic Bennett
    July 10th, 2012 @ 2:25 pm

    AMEN! I remember the day I looked down at the speedometer and realized i WAS obeying the speed limit on a BACK ROAD!
    I remember asking my 12 year old at the time how long have I been in this deflated state of mind.. and she answered “for a few months”.

    Cheers girl – here’s to breaking the rules! well, the rules that should be broken.. like beer drinking in public and speeding on back roads.
    Whatever it takes for me to stay out of the “lame mom” category.

  2. Law Momma
    July 10th, 2012 @ 2:27 pm

    RIGHT?! I was on the verge of getting a merit badge in lame-assedness. Must correct that STAT

  3. Aim
    July 10th, 2012 @ 2:25 pm

    ‘kay. Next year its a date. Beer in a cup for a walk with the kiddos 😉

  4. Law Momma
    July 10th, 2012 @ 2:26 pm

    I’ll be there! 🙂

  5. Alena @Charmingly Chandler
    July 10th, 2012 @ 2:26 pm

    And you made me cry.

  6. Law Momma
    July 10th, 2012 @ 2:28 pm

    There’s no crying in awesome land. See you there in a few months, lady. We’ll go booze it up and act like the hot single ladies we are!

  7. Michelle Stibbs
    July 10th, 2012 @ 3:01 pm

    I needed to read that. I think I’ve gotten a little unfun lately too.

  8. Law Momma
    July 10th, 2012 @ 3:36 pm

    Let’s go be crazy…. 🙂

  9. Heather Griffitts Clark
    July 10th, 2012 @ 3:39 pm

    FWIW – being that I don’t know you in “real” life, only one of your voyeurs….I’m thinking that given what you’ve gone through in the last year, that you’re even slightly funny ever (Do you read your own tweets? There’s humor/lightheartededness there on a pretty regular basis) then you’re doing damn well. I’d kinda be scared of the person that wasn’t a bit caught up in Miseryland if they’d been married, had a child, changed jobs, moved all in the space of a few years. That’s some serious shyt. Awesome that you’re on your way back to your former complete awesomeness, but don’t beat yourself up TOO much on the way. P.S. I don’t like beer, but I just recently started putting a little “weekend’ (and by little I really do mean little and by weekend I mean Baileys) in my weekend coffee just like I did pre-kids. And my oldest is older than J. And I haven’t gone through a divorce. So….yeah. It happens to everyone.

  10. Lola M.
    July 11th, 2012 @ 5:04 pm

    You know, beer and wild dancing might be even better. And, you made me laugh myself silly with your “poop story” today. You are awesome and funny.

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