Moving On Up

Posted on | August 6, 2012 | 8 Comments

On my way home for lunch, I made a quick call to J’s daycare to check on him.  He’s not been feeling well and I just wanted to be sure that I didn’t need to schedule an appointment for him to get to the doctor this afternoon. I knew they’d call me if anything was wrong, but I figured if he’d been coughing a lot I might ought to get him in to beat the chest cold.

The director was as nice as always and even told me she was glad I called.  She said she’d been meaning to talk to me about something kind of important.

“We’re moving a group of kids up to the Owl room,” she said, casually, “and while I was going to wait a week or so for J to move up, he seemed so heartbroken that his friends were moving up, that I think we’ll let him move up, too.” 

At that point she paused, as though waiting for the news to sink in.  I was fine with it… it was just another step up, just a new class with new teachers.  J is adaptable and his friends would be moving with him, so I wasn’t even slightly worried.  Only there was more.

“So you need to stop sending him to school in the Pull-ups, now, okay?”

At first I protested, my child is still in Pull-ups at home! He still doesn’t poop on the potty! He only pees on the potty when I remind him!

They fell on deaf ears.

“He’s doing great here, Momma.  He’s been keeping a dry diaper with minimal accidents and,” she paused again, this time sympathetically, “it’s time.”

The words hovered over my head for a moment and then rained down on me like tiny, painful nails of truth. 

Please to be filing this under things that absolutely, 100% should not in any way make you cry.  She’s just telling me that my days of changing diapers are behind me.  That’s a good thing right?

Only in my head, she was holding a gun to my face and forcing me to put big boy underwear on my child, strap a back pack on his back and send him off to battle the world at college in his brand new car, courtesy of The Price is Right.  When did my baby get big enough to leave diapers behind, not to mention pull ups? And how did I miss that? He’s not even THREE yet? When did he step so close, toe this tender line of not so much toddler and so much more little boy?

But what could I do.  I agreed to send him to school in underwear tomorrow.  I thanked her for her time. 

Then I hung up the phone and fought off the urge to cry.

Because this is my baby.  This may be my only baby.

And he is so very very close to leaving baby behind.   I called my mom, but she didn’t answer.  I thought briefly about calling his father but realized that to him, it would be a celebration.  So instead, I put my phone and my head down and I let myself cry silly, sloppy tears over the fact that my child is taking one more step away from the world where I am Queen.  He is taking one more step toward the world where I am not really all that necessary, though I hope to always be loved.

So today, I cried over my child becoming (almost/pseudo/sortof) potty trained.

And tomorrow, I fully intend to cry over my child pooping on the floor.

Ahhhh, motherhood.


8 Responses to “Moving On Up”

  1. Jenna
    August 6th, 2012 @ 2:36 pm

    As always, and strangely so, I’m right there with you Law Momma. I always thought I’d have another baby – nowhere in my picture of what would happen did getting divorced at nearly 40 figure into my plan. What did figure into my plan was having another baby this year. Instead my only baby is becoming a boy – an amazing almost potty trained, articulate little boy. I’m so thrilled but I’m so sad. And the possiblity, probability that mine will be my only does make me focus and try to appreciate every little thing just a litte more, even when it’s poop on the floor 🙂 Hang in there Momma.

  2. Allison
    August 6th, 2012 @ 2:37 pm

    Ohhh, this made me teary eyed too. They grow too fast.

  3. Delia
    August 6th, 2012 @ 2:45 pm

    Hugs! I struggle daily with wanting to hold on to the baby stage, but also loving the excitement that comes with learning new things. I love watching C get so excited over picking out a pair of underwear. Every day he can’t wait to make the big decision – Buzz Lightyear or Superman. Oh to be two again! I’ve loved seeing him so proud to use the potty & get a little prize for going two weeks accident free. Those are the things I look to now, even if I still miss the baby he will always be.
    Though, I’ll add, I’d trade part of that back to keep from having to see every single public bathroom in our very large city. 🙂

  4. Lauren Lloyd
    August 6th, 2012 @ 4:12 pm

    Oh, this is such a bittersweet moment. I completely empathize with wanting to hang on to the baby stages. I have a three year old and don’t intend to have any more kids…so every new phrase and every new milestone makes me cringe. My husband laughs when I cry (no maliciously…just thinks it’s funny that I’m so emotional) so I never feel like I have an outlet for these feelings. It will be okay though. J won’t stay a child forever, but you’re raising him well and he’s always going to need you. You’re a great momma and the relationship is going to keep getting better and better. You can get through this. 🙂

  5. MaconMom
    August 6th, 2012 @ 4:40 pm

    Oh I’m crying with you! Oh my goodness.

  6. Jess
    August 7th, 2012 @ 10:32 am

    Aww, hugs. This is a great thing! You’re doing an awesome job. And with the money you save, you can buy ice cream cones and Tonka trucks 🙂

  7. mesomama
    August 7th, 2012 @ 2:29 pm

    LOL. We’re lucky in that my son is in a 2.5-3.5 year old class, so there’s a chance he may just stay in the same class. But I don’t even OWN big-boy underwear yet, so I would have to tell the day care to stick it if they told me that. But it sounds like even though our boys are only a month or so apart, yours is much further along.

    I definitely feel you, since it is definite that my baby will be my only, thanks to cancer. I find that I alternate between being very excited that he is growing up (yay, he put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket!) and wanting to cry (what do you mean my baby only takes showers and not baths now?), so boy do I know how you feel. I feel like it’s completely normal to want to cry some days and be okay some days. We’ll get through this!

  8. KeAnne
    August 8th, 2012 @ 1:16 pm

    Our daycare urged us down the potty training road too, and I’ve been amazed at how quickly D picked it up. As of today, he’s been completely (to my shock) out of diapers for 3 days. His choice. It’s very bittersweet because potty training seems like the last major milestone before kindergarten. He might be our only, so every milestone is even more poignant.

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