There Are Only So Many Words for “Piss” and “Crap”

Posted on | August 12, 2012 | 28 Comments

I can not get the smell of pee out of my nose or the feeling that I have poop on me somewhere out of my head.  It’s like going back in time to when I first became a mom, only so much worse.

There is pee on our sofa, pee on our rug, pee on the blue recliner, and pee on the small, brown, J-sized recliner.  There are two pair of underwear soaking in the bathroom sink and yet another load of laundry running through the washer/dryer routine.

To say that potty training is in full force and NOT going well would be the understatement of the … era.  To say that at one point Saturday I was sitting on the floor outside the bathroom with my head against the wall, eyes closed ,while J lay prostrate across the bathroom floor sobbing his eyes out because he didn’t want to sit on the potty and try to poop? Yeah… that would be a better synopsis of the day.

There will be flashbacks of Saturday.  They will come and go for the rest of my life, I just know it.

Suffice to say that there was a moment when I considered putting a naked toddler out in the back yard with the dogs because it was the only thing I could think of to keep from having to clean up one more ounce of poop off the hardwood floor or drop of pee off the now permanently stained sofa.  To make matters worse, he soaked the spot where I normally sit on the sofa, which means that every time I got frustrated and went to sit down, I soaked my backside and yelped like I’d been stung by a bee.

Every time my child goes to  take a bite of food or sip of drink, every muscle in my arm contracts and I have to physically restrain myself from slapping it out of his hand.  I don’t want him to eat.  I don’t want him to drink. Because Oh. My. God. I am so tired of poop and pee.

You new moms who think changing diapers is bad? You just don’t know.  Diapers are designed to contain the best they can.  Diapers have lovely side flaps that let you take them off without risking dumping the dump down on your unprotected feet, or sofa, or floors.  Diapers are AWESOME compared to this hell. I am considering buying 18 boxes of underwear just so I can cut the sides off when he craps in them.

In short? J is frustrated.  I am frustrated.

I have no idea how to teach him to recognize the signs of needing to poop or pee and as a result, I hear the most ridiculous things coming out of my mouth.  Things like “does your bottom feel full” and “sit here and grunt and squeeze.”

HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN HOW TO POOP?!?!?!

I’ve said the words “Do you need to go tee tee in the potty” so many times that I’m considering creating a baseball-esque sign to teach J so that I can just stop talking about it. Like a brush brush, slap slap, tug on the ears kind of thing.  It’s so bad that I now have to bribe him just to go to the bathroom.  Every time. This morning, he made me carry him from the sofa to the potty because he’s so damn tired of walking that route.

I know it’s going to get better.

I rationally know that he will eventually get this and we’ll move towards the world of wiping butt with toilet paper instead of baby wipes.  I rationally know that.

But irrationally, I’m wondering how much he’ll hate me if I just tell his teachers he has a medical condition and invest in Depends for life.

Comments

28 Responses to “There Are Only So Many Words for “Piss” and “Crap””

  1. aim
    August 12th, 2012 @ 9:44 am

    you know, maybe he isn’t ready? Walker didn’t do it until he was almost 4…..and he did it of his own accord. when i tried to force the issue, it was our first major control battle, so i just dropped it. Don’t know if thats helpful at all for you though?!

  2. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2012 @ 9:52 am

    I don’t think he IS ready… but they moved him up at school and he “has” to be in underwear in that class. So I feel obligated to do the same thing at home that they’re doing at school.

  3. Jennifer O.
    August 12th, 2012 @ 10:06 am

    Do you know when J wants/needs to poop? If so, I recommend getting velcro training pants. This makes it easier for you to get them off and cleaned before washing them. Head over to potty training concepts website. They have a wealth of stuff you can buy. Do you reward J if he is successful? It can be as simple as a Cheerio or a check on a potty chart. Get so many checks and he can earn a reward, just an idea…Good luck, this too will pass…

  4. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2012 @ 11:22 am

    No. Neither of us have any clue until it comes out.

    Ugh.

  5. Lisa Capasso
    August 12th, 2012 @ 10:19 am

    I know daycare said he was ready–but the amount of resistance you are getting at home may mean he isn’t. Isn’t he only two? Both of my boys weren’t potty-trained till four (although my daughter pretty much trained herself by three).

    Easy solution–send him to school in underpants (and changes of clothes), since they claim he is ready and not having accidents. Keep him in a pull-up at home. When he’s ready he’ll let you know. If he keeps having accidents at school, then he isn’t ready.

    Its incredibly difficult to force anyone else to eat or use the bathroom. This is not a fight you have to have, just because daycare says so.

  6. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2012 @ 11:21 am

    Amen. and I now fully agree.

  7. Morgan
    August 12th, 2012 @ 10:26 am

    Take it slow. If the teachers have minimal potty accidents at school, let him do that… and gradually build from there. When kids want to go to the bathroom like adults, they will. It is pretty simple, you just can stress it and make it happen in one day. I have two boys, 2 and half and 3 and half, both potty trained. Do we still have accidents, yep. But they did made the decision to do it, not me. I just showed them where to put it, if they had to go. 🙂 It will happen, just don’t rush it, trust your mommy instincts!

  8. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2012 @ 11:21 am

    Yeah. I can’t do this… he’s getting so discouraged and I don’t want him to look at this as a terrible thing.

  9. Amy G.
    August 12th, 2012 @ 10:31 am

    You’ll probably get tons of advice on this subject, so I’ll just lob in mine.
    1. Get a little porta-potty and put it in the family room right next to the couch/chair/wherever. Put a bunch of towels down. Maybe make him sit on the floor instead of the furniture. And then as soon as he starts to pee, just pick him up and put him on the potty. Having to run to the bathroom is too far. Even when he starts to pick up on the signs, it’s because its coming — now! Not 10 seconds ahead of time. Maybe one second.
    2. Boys definitely are harder to potty train than girls. They don’t seem to care that they are wet/dirty. For my son, I had to find the right motivation. For him, it was a Buzz Lightyear backpack. I hung it up on a high kitchen cabinet, where he could see it but not touch it, and told him it was his when he used the potty every day for a week (or whatever time period you are comfortable with). Having a constant view of his motivation was very helpful.
    3. If you put him in thick training undies and some stretchy sweatpants that are easy to get on/off, when he does have his next accident, less ends up on the floor. Yes, you’ll be washing pee-soaked cotton, but it’s better than pee all over the floor in my opinion.
    Just my two cents worth. Potty training is not fun, but doesn’t last forever. It just feels like it! Hang in there!

  10. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2012 @ 11:20 am

    I love these ideas! I promised J a new puzzle if he could go one week at daycare without an accident.

  11. Jenna
    August 12th, 2012 @ 10:40 am

    They moved him up…and he can move back down. No shame in that at all. I’m in the thick of potty training with my little man too – he’s great when he’s naked, but with clothes on it’s another story. I love Nature’s Miracle Stain and Odor Remover (I got it to clean up after the finicky cat who forgets to use the litter box) but it works wonderfully on toddler accidents too.

  12. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2012 @ 11:20 am

    Yeah… that’s kind of how I’m leaning. I just sat him down and asked him if he wanted to stay in big boy underwear or go back to pull ups and he said “Wear pull ups” so we’re off to the store in a bit to pick some up. I’m not going to traumatize him over this… he’s not even three yet.

  13. Molly
    August 12th, 2012 @ 12:39 pm

    I always ask my kids to fart for me.. they loved that. And when training I had a strict two accident rule, after that it was diapers (pull ups) for the rest of the day and start fresh the next. Good luck!!

  14. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2012 @ 2:00 pm

    I like that rule. We would have been back in pull ups by 9am.

  15. Darlene Hebel
    August 12th, 2012 @ 1:45 pm

    We are doing the potty training thing now too. My son turned 3 in June. We got potties at 18 months because he showed interest…he went a handful of times and that’s it! We now have another lil one on the way and my mom and sister were constantly asking if I plan on changing diapers on 2 kids. It’s not for lack of trying but we had full on battles at the mention on word potty… so we stopped trying. Then about 2 wks ago we took away the diapers and put big boy pants on! We had what I call “on purposes” they weren’t accidents…I had 3 days of wanting to jump off the roof..but we stuck with it and now we are doing good with minimal accidents. When he went on the potty we just got overly excited every time and it just caught on. Bribes and other rewards didn’t work for him. But this time we knew he was ready and just didn’t want to. I don’t think J is ready. I agree with the other reader, send him to school in underwear and extra clothes… let them worry about the mess.. Use pull ups at home and let whatever happens happen. Schools are very quick to push potty training, but some boys aren’t ready at 4. Good luck Mama!

  16. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2012 @ 2:02 pm

    We went at lunch to buy pull ups. He just doesn’t even know yet that he has to go… it’s very hard on him and hard on me, too, though I’m a big girl and can handle (if I must). But seeing him so discouraged when he used to get excited about peeing on the potty? Yeah… not worth it.

    At least not yet.

  17. Laurie
    August 12th, 2012 @ 2:22 pm

    All three of my boys potty trained in one day. Why? Because they were ready! If your sweetie isn’t ready then it isn’t time! Go back to your normal routine and enjoy life. He’ll definitely potty train when he is ready! Don’t stress!

  18. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2012 @ 2:29 pm

    Thanks… that’s exactly what we’re going to do. He just doesn’t know what he wants…. he wants to wear underwear but he doesn’t want to pee in the potty. So we’ll wait.

  19. Sarah
    August 13th, 2012 @ 1:07 pm

    I was going to suggest waiting too. I know that’s frustrating though but probably less frustrating than the poop/pee you’re dealing with right now. I’m sorry!

  20. Carm O
    August 12th, 2012 @ 2:37 pm

    Sounds like he is not ready. Just wait. 🙂

  21. Delia
    August 12th, 2012 @ 4:27 pm

    We taught C to pee standing up and that helped. The first weekend we pt at home we were outside almost all day. I didn’t let him sit on the furniture and he had to stay on the hard floor. C hides when he poops so we knew it was coming but he still had accidents. I put a bunch of cheap toys on the mantle and he got one for every poop in the potty. But J may not be ready – when I asked C if he wanted his underwear or pull-ups, he cried at the possibly of wearing a pull up. That was a clue that he was ready. I say go with the other suggestions – send 4 changes of clothes and keep trying at home. But try to consistently take him to pee and sit to try and poop. He’ll get it – it just takes time! And it isn’t easy, that’s for sure!

  22. Jana
    August 12th, 2012 @ 5:33 pm

    I had a VERY slow potty trainer. But one day, he just got it. On his own pretty much, after months of pushing from me. Frustrating, but I think it’s totally true that they do it when their bodies and minds are ready. One day they just “know.”

  23. Heather
    August 12th, 2012 @ 11:47 pm

    My boys always have to poop after their “tummy hurts.” That might be a way to explain it to him. But I agree with your instincts, he’s probably not ready. He will be someday soon, but maybe not this weekend 🙂

  24. Julia Hembree
    August 13th, 2012 @ 12:38 am

    That is tough! You are getting so much great advice and only you can know what is best for you and J. What worked for my son was I always let him go to the bathroom with me, so the potty wasn’t a mystery. When he started showing interest, I got three potties. One for each bathroom and one to follow us around. Living room? Potty came. Kitchen, his room, wherever. And here’s our big trick; he was ALWAYS naked. That way there are less accidents, you remove the getting to the bathroom and removing clothes steps. Once he masters just going to the potty, you add in the parts about doing it in a bathroom and clothes.
    I also did “potty candy,” an m&m everytime he went. Lots of positive reinforcing and making it no big deal if it didn’t work.
    He was fully trained at 29 months. Hang in there! He will get it. You are doing great!

  25. Melanie
    August 13th, 2012 @ 11:48 am

    My son will be 3 on Sept 8 – and is starting preschool then and also “had” to be potty trained. He had shown interest for a long time…we tried training last Christmas – and he wasn’t ready. We tried again in March – still didn’t want to do it. I say that because he did seem ready – it was just that he wanted to do it sometimes – and wanted to be “lazy” and ask for a diaper if he was involved in an activity and couldn’t be bothered to stop lol. So anyway — he has been trained for a little over a month now. Attempt #3 took. I researched and read, and here is what worked for us — a potty chart. He wanted a big-boy bike SO BAD. So I made this lovely chart, printed pictures of his “prizes” on it – and HE ROCKED IT 🙂 The bike was the end prize – once he was fully day trained (cause night time – not even going there yet!!!). But along the way, after XX number pees, he earned a prize. Then after XX more pees, another prize. Same for poops – but that was our hard spot, so he earned them more quickly for those. Other than the bike, prizes were from dollar tree and only cost me $10 or $15 total — hot wheel cars, coloring books, etc. We put stickers after every time he went so he could track the progress – i.e. one more pee and I get a prize. Do I get my bike now, he kept asking. Two weeks it took. After the first two tries were similar to your experience below, I was THRILLED with our third go-round. Highly recommend a chart when you guys are ready!!! Good luck mama 🙂

  26. Stacey
    August 14th, 2012 @ 7:46 pm

    Stop! Just stop! He’s not ready. Don’t let anyone try to push you into potty training before he’s ready. Nightmare of frustration for you both.

  27. Cari Skuse
    August 15th, 2012 @ 10:54 am

    I agree with seeing how J takes it. If he doesn’t get too frustrated keep at it, just slowly. It takes a LOT of time with boys! I know, I have 3 that were very hard to get to go to the bathroom and I have a 4 year old nephew that JUST got potty trained.
    Every kid is different. Find what motivates him so that you have that extra help to get him “into it”. For my oldest it was stickers. I gave him a sticker every time he went. He then put it on the plastic potty. For one of my twins it was lolly pops. He responded well to this as his reward for going potty. The only problem with that was that he would then share it with his brother who refused to even try to potty train!
    I also sat with them while they tried, and after they got the hang of it I let them do it in peace (but still helped with the cleanup).
    And what someone said about the clue that “their tummy hurt” was also our clue that they needed to go.
    Good Luck! It takes a lot of patience to get a boy to where he can be independent. But then you will look back and laugh about it, even though it seems so far off now.

  28. Patsy Buccy
    August 15th, 2012 @ 3:35 pm

    Ok I’m not a mom, and haven’t read all the comments but an older lady friend once told me she put a couple of Cheerios in the toilet and had her boys sink them …. Said it worked every time..

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    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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