Posted on | October 9, 2012 | 8 Comments
I had terrible body image in high school and I mean terrible. I distinctly remember counting the grapes out when I packed my lunch so that I didn’t eat too many calories and looking back, I was TINY. So one of the main things I wanted to work on when I had a child was being happy with my body the way it is and instilling confidence in my child about his body. I never wanted to be the mom who was constantly complaining and dieting and being miserable about how I look.
But despite my lofty expectations, I looked around at my life and realized I WAS that mom. I was always complaining about not having time to work out. I was always complaining about the fact that I’d gained weight, the fact that I was over my pre-pregnancy weight and out of the shape I used to be in. Becoming a single parent seemed to give me the excuses I needed to give up on finding time to work out, finding time to be healthy.
And honestly? I have been really freaking miserable.
It seemed like such a daunting task though. How could I possibly find the time and the opportunity and the child care necessary to actually get out and do something about the body I was lugging around with me? At first, I tried to do the 30 Day Shred and I kept it up for about a week before something got in the way one day and I lost my focus. Then I tried to take J and go for walks… and then it rained and I stopped. I was finding every excuse to be lazy… my period started, my son was sick, my back hurt, J needed me to lay down with him to sleep so I might as well just go to bed. I was full on becoming the exact mom I didn’t want to be. I was teaching my son exactly what I didn’t want to teach him… he was learning through my actions that becoming a parent meant losing yourself. I was teaching him that moms don’t really need to be healthy or attractive or in shape.
And I am NOT okay with that.
Luckily, I had a one year review with my boss and she asked for suggestions of things that might improve my job and she listened. She really listened.
Now I and every other member of our firm have a fully paid membership to the gym across the street. I’ve worked out two days in a row and I’m going again today. I want to be better about taking care of myself. I want to teach my son that it’s important to put yourself first on occasion… especially when it’s your health. So I’m putting myself a little ahead, I’m putting my health a little ahead … because it’s important to me that I become the role model that my son deserves. It’s important to me that I teach him how to care for his body by showing him that I care for mine.
I’d like to lose 20 pounds but even if I never drop a single pound, I want my actions to show my son that taking care of his body is one of the most important things he can do.