Posted on | January 4, 2013 | 2 Comments
You know how you can hear a song a million times but then one morning you’re listening to it while getting ready for another day of monotony and suddenly it just… connects? Suddenly it makes more sense than it did every other time you heard it. Suddenly the lyrics dive bomb into your consciousness and you find that you can’t actually shake it off as a catchy tune any more…
That’s what happened this morning.
See, I have this Spotify list of “Theme Songs” that are basically songs that every time I hear them, they make me smile a bit or they remind me of places or people who I love. This morning, while getting dressed, I plugged my iPhone into the speakers and jammed out to that list and then it hit me somewhere in between the Indigo Girls’ Hammer and a Nail and fun.’s Some Nights… what DO I stand for? What is it that I am doing with this life that was created for me? What exactly am I accomplishing with my day to day breaths and heartbeats?
Raising a child? Yes. That’s obviously of utmost importance.
Paying my bills? Well, yeah… that’s crucial.
But still I couldn’t shake that one question: what. do. I. stand. for?
At thirty-five, isn’t that a question I should be able to answer? At thirty-five, shouldn’t I be able to say something… anything… that captures my heart and soul and that I’m tirelessly working towards DOING something about?
Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of beliefs. I have a lot of opinions.
But what is it, precisely, that I am standing for in my every day life?
I think, if anything, we should all have that one thing… that special belief or promise or hell, vice, that is the cornerstone of the houses we build along our paths. When I look at my life, my beliefs and my opinions, I find that they waffle more than they should, they waver and change; they balloon out and fizzle with all the grace and panache of an elephant on a tightrope. I find that when I examine the cornerstones of my everyday houses, they are wobbly and unsure, strangely formed and often cracking.
So I have to ask… what do I stand for? What churns my soul into action? What hastens my pulse and bolsters the wings of my imagination? What is it that I am here for? What is it that I should stand up for, speak up for, throw my arms out wide and embrace?
Because I can’t just go through life ignoring the needs of others around me, the needs of my community, my child, my planet. I just can’t go through life, stumbling over cracked and crumbled dreams and wondering if I should have spent more time, more energy, more love on any particular discarded project. I don’t want to reach forty-five and still wonder what the hell it is I am investing my energy in that will create a world where my son feels safer, or more alive, or more proud to be my child.
It’s a new year. It’s the perfect time to invest my soul in making a difference, somewhere, in projects that fill the bare spots of my soul. I believe that one person can make a difference and I believe that I can be that one person, at least to someone outside myself.
Maybe THAT is what I stand for… maybe I stand for making a difference….
Maybe I should get out there and do something about that… do something towards that.
What about you? What is it that YOU stand for that will leave a trail of happiness in your wake? On January 1, I posted a wish for the new year and it is simple: I wish for all of us, that this year raises a smile that starts in each of our individual souls and spreads out from our hands into the world.
Let’s make 2013 about more than just survival… let’s make it about living… with great, great joy.