Calling in Sick… to life.

Posted on | January 7, 2013 | 3 Comments

Today is one of those days when the only right and proper thing to do when you wake up is to pull the covers fully over your head and pretend that it’s still the weekend.

Christ on a cracker, guys, I’m OVER my so-called life.

My sweet, charming, adorable child has been possessed by demons who tell him that, no matter what I say, it is actually completely okay to scream at your mother and tell her what to do. (Read: “You WILL get me a cookie” or “Yes I CAN do that!”) My sweet but crazy puppy has almost fully uprooted the plant by my door and replaced it with every stick she can find, including some which I honestly believe she jumped up and ripped from the actual trees.  My gutters need to be cleaned. My house needs to be cleaned.  My laundry needs to stop multiplying and my dryer needs to freaking dry clothes for a change.  Most of my dates have all but driven me BSC with their wishy washy behavior and the one guy I actually like is not nearly as enamored with my awesomeness.  I’m running 9 miles on Sunday and 13.1 in just over a month.  The oil needs to be changed in my car.  My office is full to the brim with paper that needs to be read and responded to but you know what?

I just. don’t. want. to.

Being a grown up is SO overrated.

What I’d like to be doing today is sitting on a beach somewhere with my feet propped up, a good book beside me, and unlimited drinks until my required afternoon nap.  Isn’t that what we were supposed to be doing when we hit 35? I feel certain that six year old me, way back in 1983, believed that I’d have people to do this work for me while I wrote best selling novels and cured cancer.  I am 99% sure that what I’m supposed to be right now, who I’m supposed to be right now, is sublimely happy, irrepressibly wealthy, and inaccessibly absent from the day to day grind of “Hello? Yes? I’m so sorry. Let me check.  I will review that and get back to you before the end of business today.”

What happened to the days of blowing bubbles with your toes buried in thick blades of grass, hair billowing out behind you?  What happened to riding bikes and making wishes on dandelions? What in the hell happened to Saturday morning cartoons?

I just want two weeks.  Two weeks to forget that I have any responsibilities.  Two weeks to remember what it feels like to laugh until my sides hurt, sing until my voice cracks and splits with volume, and spin with my arms out-stretched until I fall down giggling, totally unaware that there’s anything evil or wrong or bad in the world.  I just want a two week vacation… without email… without my son… without my dogs… without remembering that I am someone with so very very many responsibilities.

Where do I sign up for THAT?


3 Responses to “Calling in Sick… to life.”

  1. jana
    January 7th, 2013 @ 7:24 pm

    Oh my… I know I have an extra body in my house to (theoretically) help (ha) with some of these things, but I can identify with where you’re coming from. I wish I could take some of your responsibilities from you and let you “vacate” for a while. Maybe one night away will help a little? 🙂

  2. Laurie
    January 8th, 2013 @ 8:09 am

    Hate to offer advice and not a hand (since I’m in Texas) but get a housekeeper who will do your laundry. My motto is I will feed my family beans and rice daily before I would give up my housekeeper! Budget that into your life! Everyone needs a wife – get one!

    Also, read Love and Logic for your sweet baby. I had a very strong willed little boy. The book and videos helped me with him and now he is much sweeter and more respectful at age seven. The books are positive and loving.

    Hugs and I feel your pain!

  3. Alecia
    January 9th, 2013 @ 7:59 am

    I can totally relate to this…I just want two weeks too. Two weeks to get up and go to sleep when I want to and my body wants too. Two weeks to read a book, watch movies, bask in the warm Caribbean sun. I hate cold weather!

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