Just A Moment

Posted on | May 6, 2013 | 6 Comments

We played hard all day, planting flowers, kicking soccer balls, riding bikes and racing cars. We painted pictures, drew with chalk, built cities out of colored blocks and then bowled them over with a small Avengers ball.   Lunch was had on a blanket across the floor, picnic style, as we watched his favorite cartoon and dinner was meatloaf, at his request.

Around 7pm, we were sitting on the sofa watching a movie and he had his head laid back against the sofa cushions.  I was exhausted from our day but in all the good ways that a parent gets exhausted from spending the day at the beck and call of their child.  He looked over at me and grinned then frowned a little.

“Mommy?”

“Yeah bud?”

“I like living with you,” He patted my hand and I smiled, tousling his hair lightly before he continued. “But I don’t like living with just you… I think we need someone else to live here, too.”

My heart sank, dipping down and around the pit of my soul as he told me in his sweet voice that he thought “maybe daddy should live here, too.”

See… it doesn’t matter what I do to protect and fend off the outside world.  It doesn’t matter how hard I play with him or how often we giggle.  It doesn’t matter.  Because when he goes to his friends houses, their  daddies are there… and his is not.

And that reality finds him even through the colored block towers and thick black soil.  That reality hovers around his shoulders, waiting to sink and drown him with the truth that his daddy is not here.  I sat and watched his eyes for a moment, realizing that… for now… the heaviness of that reality is still hovering.  For now, it has not wrapped itself around his shoulders.  For now, it is still kept at bay by a tickle fight or popsicles on the porch.  And though I realize that one day, his questions will need a full and formal response.  For now, for three years old, for the sake of both of us… I tucked away the daggers in his questions and just smiled my patient, mother-knows-best smile.

“That’s silly, buddy! Daddy lives with (his girlfriend) and she’d be sad if he lived here.”

“She could come, too?” He asked, always with an answer… ever a lawyer’s child.

“But we don’t have enough beds…” I shrugged.

“Oh.” He looked around and nodded. “You’re right! Oh well.”

And for that one moment he was satisfied.  For that moment he was okay with how things were or are or will be for our family of two.

Maybe, just maybe… for a moment, so was I.

Comments

6 Responses to “Just A Moment”

  1. pinkflipflops44
    May 6th, 2013 @ 9:42 am

    (((())))

  2. Law Momma
    May 6th, 2013 @ 10:03 am

    Thanks, you. 🙂

  3. Roxanne Piskel
    May 6th, 2013 @ 11:16 am

    I have had almost this exact conversation. I think you fielded it very well. Hugs to you LM.

  4. Law Momma
    May 6th, 2013 @ 11:17 am

    *sigh* What else can we do, right?

  5. Jackie Henson
    May 6th, 2013 @ 11:54 am

    I had this too with my daughter a few months ago, at six sometimes diversion no longer works, the question waits for an answer. I have gotten better at answering when it comes up.

    It is never an easy road for parents and kiddos but you are an awesome mom and the questions/answers will get easier for the both of you as time goes on.

  6. Law Momma
    May 6th, 2013 @ 12:23 pm

    Oh I hope so. I hope I have better answers as he gets older. 🙂 (I dare not even WISH for fewer questions…)

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    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
    Based on a work at http://www.law-momma.com.
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