Decidedly Messy but Oh So Happy

Posted on | August 12, 2013 | 30 Comments

In the days, weeks, and months after divorce, I was convinced I was totally broken. I was ruined for all eternity, never to love again… never to be in a relationship again… never to feel that sweet rush of comfort that comes from just having someone beside you; someone who gets you, knows you, and still inexplicably wants to be around you.  I never thought I’d feel whole enough to give any part of me to someone else ever again.

But lately, everything is different.

In May, a good friend and her husband planned a semi-blind date for me and one of their friends.  He was divorced, I was divorced, and they thought we had similar senses of humor.  So we went out for dinner and bowling and it was… a mini-disaster.  I didn’t really like him.  He didn’t really like me. I was sick and tired and I just felt like there was no real point in trying to get to know someone. I wasn’t going to love again. I wasn’t going to welcome anyone else into my life ever again. So what was the point?

The next day, we were both at a birthday party and I thought it might be fun, maybe, to just… give it a try. Just talk to him a little… just see what, if anything, we might have in common.

Turns out, we had a good bit in common… similar taste in music and food and sports and similar theories on life and how it should be lived.  We agreed on kids and traveling and adventure and, well, almost everything (except politics… nobody’s perfect!;))

Slowly, we started seeing more of each other.  Slowly, I started sharing more of myself, more of my life, more of my heart with him. Slowly we started making plans beyond “next weekend” or even “next month.” And I realized, slowly, that this wasn’t just the summer fling I kept trying to convince my friends I was having.  “It’s just fun,” I’d tell them, “It’s not serious.” I’d brush off all their comments and jokes and tried desperately to convince myself that we’d be done soon… that he’d be gone soon… that he’d leave me or I’d grow tired of him …soon.

Soon never came.

And now I find myself three months into this, whatever it is, and so crazy happy that the cleaning lady in my office told me I looked like a totally different person. The thing about falling for someone is that you start to see yourself the way they see you… you start to feel like you can do anything, be anything, accomplish anything.  When I’m around him, I remember the me I was before I was broken by divorce.  I remember the fun and the laughter and the joy in just being happy… being with someone not because you think you need to be or have to be… but because you want to be.

And no, for the record, it did not take a man to make me happy.

It took this particular man, this pretty spectacularly crazy, awesome, sweet, funny, handsome, delightfully amazing man, to remind me that I already had everything I needed to be happy.  It took his eyes to show me what I should have already seen… I am whole and healed and ready to just be me again. Me. Without the cracks and tears and destruction of divorce.

It took seeing me through his eyes to realize that I can be happy with where and who I am.

And I am.

So… you know… thanks, Banks… for being you. And for reminding me that I’m a crazy, weird, strange, sometimes awesome, mess of a woman.

(Though NOT as big of a mess as you, my dear…)





30 Responses to “Decidedly Messy but Oh So Happy”

  1. Joanna
    August 12th, 2013 @ 9:32 am

    love this.

  2. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2013 @ 9:36 am

    Thanks, lady!

  3. TheNextMartha
    August 12th, 2013 @ 9:34 am

    Yeah!. <3

  4. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2013 @ 9:36 am

    🙂 I’m a nerd for writing this, but man… it’s hard not to find anything else to write about! 🙂

  5. Deborah Cruz
    August 12th, 2013 @ 9:44 am

    So happy for you! YOU deserve this happiness. You deserve to see how special and amazing you are. This is how my husband became my husband, through his eyes, I could see the real me. Go you! You be happy!

  6. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2013 @ 9:48 am

    Thanks… it’s good to feel content again. 🙂

  7. Adrienne Jones
    August 12th, 2013 @ 9:45 am

    It’s pretty great when the clouds part.

  8. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2013 @ 9:49 am

    It really is, isn’t it. 🙂

  9. Rick O
    August 12th, 2013 @ 9:54 am

    Big Hugs!!! 😉
    when I started dating Miss-Liz-A-Bit, I told her that it would last less than 90 days (after all, I hadn’t lasted more than 90 days in almost a decade) … that was in June of 2008

  10. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2013 @ 10:04 am

    Exactly! I was all.. this is a two monther. And then… 🙂

  11. Jessie
    August 12th, 2013 @ 9:55 am

    Yay! I was hoping you would write about him, mostly because I love your perspective on life through your writing. You have a way with words.

  12. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2013 @ 10:04 am

    Thank you so much! 🙂 He’s going to mock me for this. Though perhaps not as much as the friends who set us up will…

  13. Caitlin MidAtlantic
    August 12th, 2013 @ 10:37 am

    Aw!! I’m so happy that you have re-found yourself with the help of this great guy!

  14. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2013 @ 10:38 am

    Me too. 🙂

  15. Dal
    August 12th, 2013 @ 11:10 am

    Awww! Must be some friends – to see what was really underneath (both of you), how well suited you’d be for each other! We know what a great catch you both are!

  16. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2013 @ 12:17 pm

    I’m in shock. No “Now you really ARE that girl”? No mocking? No shaming? Man… it’s like I don’t even know you. 😉

  17. jana
    August 12th, 2013 @ 11:25 am

    This makes me insanely happy! But you already know that, gobviously. xoxo

  18. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2013 @ 12:17 pm


  19. Roxanne Piskel
    August 12th, 2013 @ 11:52 am

    I am SO happy for you. Not because you’re in a relationship (which IS happy), but because you see yourself as the amazing, beautiful, and simply WONDERFUL woman you are. You deserve all the best. XO

  20. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2013 @ 12:17 pm

    YES! Exactly. That’s exactly why I’m happy, too. 🙂

  21. Kelly Joyner
    August 12th, 2013 @ 12:34 pm

    My husband says that he kept waiting for the morning when he would wake up and NOT be in love with me anymore because that’s what always happened to him. (We were both divorced and 30 when we got married). 21 years later… he’s still waiting!

  22. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2013 @ 12:36 pm

    LOL I can just hear John saying that…

  23. Kelly Joyner
    August 12th, 2013 @ 12:35 pm

    And I shared this on my FB as an inspiration for those I know who are divorced and think they are never going to love again. Beautiful words.

  24. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2013 @ 12:37 pm

    Thanks, friend. 🙂

  25. Andrea B.
    August 12th, 2013 @ 2:26 pm

    What a beautiful post! Such beautiful news for a beautiful person! I’m happy for you. I’m happy that soon didn’t come and that your eyes are opened to seeing what you needed to see. I wish for you continued happiness.

  26. Law Momma
    August 12th, 2013 @ 2:28 pm

    I’m pretty happy soon didn’t come, too. 🙂

  27. cindyw
    August 12th, 2013 @ 9:29 pm

    This makes me so happy for you. 🙂

  28. Law Momma
    August 13th, 2013 @ 10:33 am

    🙂 Thanks… me too. 🙂

  29. lawmhcgirl
    August 13th, 2013 @ 1:20 pm

    YAY!!!! Was so happy to read this. Have been following your journey, which you have shared with such honesty, and this has made my day, despite that I only know you from the interwebs. I feel like a friend has turned a corner. Very happy you have found some much derserved happiness lawmomma.

  30. Robbie K
    August 14th, 2013 @ 7:53 pm

    YAY! Doing a happy dance for you! Love that you are happy and found someone to share it with.

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