Posted on | September 26, 2013 | 7 Comments
Last night, J and I made the not-so-long journey back to church, our first Wednesday night since they came to a close in late Spring. J loves to go because he gets to see two of his “old” friends from daycare, and I love to go because they cook dinner for my child and also I get a little much needed mid-week refresher on how to catch my breath.
Our new minister is fantastic. He says things in a way that just makes them clear to me… in a way that a lot of ministers miss because they’re so caught up in being Biblically poetic. This guy? He just gets it. So I happily parked myself in the back of the classroom (old habits die hard) for his lesson on “Redeeming my Time.” The lesson started out with a short video on motorcycle repair. Yes. Motorcycle repair. Because, as the people in the video clearly explained, people are just like motorcycles. You can be chock full of awesome. You can have the best job and the best spouse and the best kids and the fattest wallet, but if one thing is off, then all of you is off. As the motorcycle repair guy put it… “You can have the best motor on the planet, but if the wires are bad, you’re not going anywhere. ”
My wires have been bad lately. Nothing made that clearer to me than the first words out of my minister’s mouth which shot point blank into my face and splattered all over my heart:
“Is there anything more frightening, more devastating, more deceptive and dangerous than being unaware of yourself?”
For the past few weeks, I have been fully unaware of myself and my needs. I’ve been caught up in being the attentive attorney, the patient mother, the loving girlfriend. I’ve been knee deep in cleaning house and cleaning car and mending and sewing together the pieces of my life… and I’ve been neglectful of myself. I’ve been unaware of myself.
The truth is, I NEED to write. I crave words on paper or on screen the way a newborn craves milk. And I’ve been pushing it aside and putting it away all my life. I’ve been living unaware of myself and my needs.
I’m finished with neglecting what I need to be the best me, the right me… the me I’m supposed to be… the me I was created to be. I’m not perfect; I have mountains and mountains of flaws… but, I’m pretty much the only me I’ll ever have. And that’s worth taking care of, right?
What are YOU neglecting? What have you pushed aside for the sake of someone or something else? What would it take to get yourself back on track… back to being aware of your worth? Is it as simple as putting pen to paper?
It is for me.
At least for now.