Posted on | November 1, 2013 | 6 Comments
You know how sometimes, you wake up after a bad night of sleep and your kid is grouchy and you totally eat left over pizza for breakfast? You know how you roll into work begrudgingly on time, with your fancy lawyer shoes on, and your make-up just so, and you have four voicemail messages from the night before and too many emails to count? You know how you could just roll your eyes and hunker down into the depths of despair, as it were, and be oh-so-woe is me about all the world?
Only then, you get to your desk and on the right side of your computer is a framed picture of your kid in all of last year’s 3 year old curls and glory and beneath it is a photo tucked into another frame, this one of you and your significant other, and suddenly you realize that dammit, your life is so freaking great that one night of crappy sleep just isn’t enough to change that?
I feel overwhelmed with blessings, these days.
I feel just… overwhelmed.
And it makes it hard to write here because I’m so used to being broken and spilling out my tears for the rest of you to read and nod or read and judge. I’m used to feeling like my words are needed for some form of catharsis… some brand of therapy to mend and stitch and piece together my heart and soul and mind. I’m not used to feeling so… overwhelmed by happiness. And it feels dangerous to admit it, as though by saying “Look at me! I’m happy!” I will somehow jinx the happiness or rain down the bewitching forces of negativity to tell me that I should “shut up” or “stop being so braggy.”
I don’t feel like I’m bragging though.
I feel, well, like I’ve earned this. I’m wearing my happy like a badge of honor, spit-shining it every morning and giggling to myself that “My GOD, I am blessed. And lucky. And oh-so-happy.” And yes, maybe saying it out loud will bring bad news. Maybe shouting it from the roof top will make it less special, less of a private joy and more of a public “nanny nanny boo boo.” But I don’t care.
Because I’m overwhelmed with happiness.
And it feels just right to say that here.