Mysterious Ways

Posted on | March 11, 2014 | 3 Comments

Seventeen years ago, I lost a friend to drunk driving. I’ve posted about it before and I’m not going to go into great detail here except to say that when you lose someone tragically, that loss stays with you. It drapes around your neck like a shroud of sorrow and mostly, mostly, you can set it aside and press the feelings down until they fade into the slightest reminder of sadness. Mostly. Then you wake up and everything seems off, everything seems confused and mysteriously sad and it takes you more than a few moments to recognize that the date on the calendar is blackened with seventeen years of grief, built up and pressed down… built up and pressed down.

For years, this week has marked an ending for me. For years, this month has marked a time of reflection on loss, thirty days to remember those who left too soon.

It’s marked the end of my innocence, the end of my belief in invincibility, the end of my youthful sneer and snarl of importance. It’s marked by a hatred of cancer, and the loss of my confidante through divorce. It’s a month marked by loss. And then last year, in mid-May, I was introduced to Banks. And what I didn’t know at the time was that his presence in my life gives me something special… something he never intended to give me. Something maybe someone else… maybe two Jennifers gone too soon, planned to share with me.

You see, I lost one Jennifer to drunk driving on the 10th or 11th of March (technically the 10th, I didn’t know until the 11th), and I lost another Jennifer to cancer on the 1st of March. Two Jennifers. Two special people who made a lasting impact on my life. Both gone in the same month, fifteen years apart.

I like to think they’re up there, getting to know each other.

I like to think they’re conspiring and giggling and somehow working together to help me get through the month of March… a month that has been marked by loss and sadness for seventeen years.

It wasn’t until mid way through our relationship that I found out. It wasn’t until just this week that I realized how much I needed it.

Banks’s birthday is the 12th of March.

And finally, thankfully, I have something to smile about in a month marked by loss.

Comments

3 Responses to “Mysterious Ways”

  1. Jess
    March 11th, 2014 @ 1:00 pm

    Oh friend, this makes me so so happy.

  2. Law Momma
    March 11th, 2014 @ 1:28 pm

    Pssst… me too. 🙂

  3. Jackie Henson
    March 15th, 2014 @ 12:53 am

    this made me smile so much, so happy for you LM 🙂

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    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
    Based on a work at http://www.law-momma.com.
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