Posted on | March 14, 2014 | 3 Comments
Y’all… I am absolutely giddy with excitement.
In just a few hours, I am snapping J into his car seat and climbing into Banks’ car to head to Disney World. And yes, I’m excited to go to Disney but it’s so much more than that. I think I’m mostly excited because… well… for the first time in J’s life, I feel like we’re about to take a real “family” vacation.
When I got married, I had dreams of this moment. Packing up the car, singing songs, being a family unit on the way to somewhere amazing. I imagined how much fun we’d have, acting silly and just being together in a way that only families can be…. fighting, making up, annoying each other… the works. Then I got divorced before any of that could happen. And though J and I have gone on trips, it’s not as easy with only two. It’s hard to stop for the bathroom if he’s fallen asleep. It’s hard to entertain him while watching the road. It’s just…
Not the same.
After divorce I worried that I’d never get to that place… that I’d never find my way to a family unit. There would be laughter, there would be trips… but would it ever really feel like I’d imagined in my head? Would my child ever really have what I had… the murmur of voices from the front seat, the lull of the car, the roar of the traffic as I dozed off… knowing when I awoke, everything would be just as it always was. I wanted J to have that peace of mind, that sense that wherever we went, we were a unit. And I’m sure he would have had that with just me because I am his family.
But then who would I have?
Today, when we set off for Disney, it’s not just J and I anymore. There’s a third. There’s someone to drive most of the way, someone whose neck I may reach across the seats to rub as the night wears on. There’s someone to fight with me over the radio channels, someone to diffuse the tension that may arise between myself and J. There’s someone to glance over at me as the sun sets and smile, someone to grab my hand across the aisle between us, someone to share this moment with… these moments with… these magical moments that slip by so fast.
I am giddy to be going to Disney today with J, but it’s possible that I am more giddy that Banks is coming with us.
Because “for the first time in forever” (dare I go all Frozen on you?)
I feel like we’re a family.