Never Underestimate the Importance of Mascara

Posted on | August 27, 2014 | 4 Comments

I have a confession to make…

If I don’t wear mascara, I look like a rabid albino monkey.

There. I said it. ::breathes sigh of relief:: I mean, I hate that it’s true. I hate that having reddish blonde eye lashes means my eyes sort of sink back into my head without artificial accents, but it’s the truth. And it’s awful. Especially on days like today, when I can’t find my make up bag to save my ever loving life.

I know that I had it yesterday.

I know that I had eye lashes on my face yesterday, which means that I screwed my mouth sideways and squinted into a mirror and put the mascara on just so, and gave myself those lashes.

So where is it today?

Who knows.

And that’s sort of how my morning has gone. It’s been one missing thing after another. At one point, I couldn’t even find J because he was hiding under the dining room table. It took him making a ghostly “whoooooooo” sound for me to even locate him and that, my friends, is just sad. He’s five. He’s not exactly an expert hider.  Traditional games of hide and seek usually take only a few minutes because he will do something like crawl under the covers of the bed, creating a lump of covers and then announce “YOU’LL NEVER FIND ME HERE!” as though I a) can’t see; and b) can’t hear.CV9Dm

So it was a morning of losing things…my mind, my mascara, my child. And when I finally got to work it felt like such an epic achievement that I wanted to just reward myself by turning around and going home again. Instead, I made a pot of coffee, basically mainlined the entire thing, and found myself seated at my desk and somewhat caffeinated enough to work. On my first trip to the bathroom, I stepped out of the stall and did a Dowager Countess of Grantham double take. Honestly. If I hadn’t just peed, it would have scared the pee out of me. I actually didn’t even recognize my own reflection. THAT’S how important mascara is, people.

Sigh. My mind is gone. My coffee is now gone. My mascara is gone and thus my eyes are gone.

I look like a rabid, albino monkey… and it’s only Wednesday.

Please send make up. STAT.

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Comments

4 Responses to “Never Underestimate the Importance of Mascara”

  1. Guest
    August 27th, 2014 @ 12:38 pm

    I have very fair skin with dark hair and light eyes. If I don’t wear makeup, people always ask if I’m sick with a look of pity. I get it.

  2. Law Momma
    August 27th, 2014 @ 12:52 pm

    YES! I had four people ask me if I “felt okay” this morning before I happily found my mascara!!

  3. Roxanne Piskel
    August 28th, 2014 @ 7:38 pm

    Mascara is the one type of makeup I pretty much always wear. I think I look tired without it. And my lashes aren’t quite *that* light.

  4. Laura
    August 29th, 2014 @ 7:42 am
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    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
    Based on a work at http://www.law-momma.com.
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