It’s Just a Swollen Lymphnode

Posted on | September 5, 2014 | 22 Comments

So… rationally, I believe I’m okay. Irrationally, I am thinking through a plan of action in the off chance that Dr. Google is correct and I should avoid going into any light of any kind, ever.

On Tuesday, I spent the day on a military base with 40 of my favorite people. During the morning, I went to pull my hair up off my neck and felt something strange. I rubbed on it, pushed it, pulled it, and did everything short of try to pop it like a pimple and when I realized it was out of place, I began asking everyone else to do the same. It was decidedly a lump, though some called it a horn of pure meanness, and I decided I’d call my doctor the next day. While waiting for my 2:30 appointment on Wednesday, I googled possible scenarios… you know “Death and lumps,” and “swollen lymph nodes that equal total annihilation of life.” Just reasonable stuff. I became convinced that I had about six hours left to live which would just get me in to the doctor in time for her to sadly announce that if only I’d gotten there sooner there would have been a course of treatment.

In all seriousness, I wasn’t that worried. It was just a swollen lymph node. They’re pretty common when you’re sick.

Only I wasn’t sick.

So I went in and my doctor ran her hand over my neck and I saw the surprise in her eyes as she felt it again. And again. And a third time.

Then she sat down and asked me a string of questions about how long it had been there, if it hurt, and if there were anything I’d done that could have caused it.

With an apologetic smile, she told me she was sending me for an ultrasound.

“It’s non-invasive,” she smiled. “It’ll just give us a look at what’s going on, just in case. I don’t want you to worry, but I had a woman come in once with swollen lymphnodes and it was lymphoma.”

You know it’s a party when the doctor talks cancer.

So I went the next day for my ultrasound, still convinced it was nothing or everything, depending on the moment. The technician was kind and when I left, gave me the impression that everything was probably fine… though she didn’t give me results. I felt good. I felt like I had worried for nothing and went home and snuggled my child without a care in the world.

This morning, I felt better than I had all week. I was all smiles and jokes… I was going to live and that’s pretty great, right?

My phone rang at 9:00 am.

My doctor’s office was referring me to a general surgeon.

“The ultrasound showed enlargement… and things…” the nurse sort of stuttered as if she didn’t really know what the ultrasound showed, she was just reading a message left by the physician. “If you don’t hear from the surgeon by Tuesday, call us back, though, and we’ll get you in.”

And just like that, everything fell apart.

Rationally, I know I’m fine.

If only I lived in a rational world.

Comments

22 Responses to “It’s Just a Swollen Lymphnode”

  1. Lisa
    September 5th, 2014 @ 11:00 am

    Sending you prayers and well wishes that it is nothing!

  2. Law Momma
    September 5th, 2014 @ 11:11 am

    Thanks!

  3. Jana Anthoine
    September 5th, 2014 @ 11:01 am

    Breathe. It’s going to be ok. Doctors are dramatic and have terrible bedside manner… we all know that. I’m here to hold your hand. xoxo

  4. Law Momma
    September 5th, 2014 @ 11:11 am

    I’m okay. I’m sure it’s nothing. #mantra

  5. TarynB
    September 5th, 2014 @ 11:32 am

    Sending lots of love and prayers your way!! (Wine never hurts, either!)

  6. Law Momma
    September 5th, 2014 @ 11:46 am

    Excellent point. ::runs to store::

  7. Laura Wegener Paxton
    September 5th, 2014 @ 11:33 am

    Praying that all turns out well!!

  8. Law Momma
    September 5th, 2014 @ 11:46 am

    Thank you!! me too.

  9. Sharon
    September 5th, 2014 @ 1:30 pm

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. It is probably nothing, but better to be sure. Good for you for following up on it.

  10. Law Momma
    September 5th, 2014 @ 2:49 pm

    It’s the waiting that’s frustrating. I wish they would have called and said “You will see a surgeon. Today at noon.”

  11. Betsy
    September 5th, 2014 @ 2:24 pm

    I had one of mine biopsied with a needle after an ultrasound and it turned out to be nothing. I too convinced myself of all things bad after dr google. I hope yours turned out the same. Thinking of you!!

  12. Law Momma
    September 5th, 2014 @ 2:49 pm

    Yes… I feel sure it’s nothing. But I would just like to know for sure!

  13. Alecia
    September 5th, 2014 @ 3:27 pm

    Prayers to you sweetie. The waiting is the worst part..right?

  14. Caroline
    September 5th, 2014 @ 4:16 pm

    From someone who has had that conversation, even if it is cancer, you will be okay. Cancer is no longer a death sentence. There are many more survivors today than people who pass away from cancer. I received the worst news one could possibly receive (zero chance of survival past five years) in February 2012 when my son was two years old. As of March 13, 2013, I am cancer-free. I will obviously be praying that it is not cancer, but please don’t think of cancer as a death sentence. Nowadays, it is considered more of a chronic disease like diabetes. Don’t stress, pray, and allow people to help you!

  15. Kersten Larson
    September 5th, 2014 @ 7:50 pm

    Lots of positive thoughts and prayers for you.

  16. pinkflipflops44
    September 5th, 2014 @ 10:10 pm

    (((())) I will be thinking of you!

  17. Lola M.
    September 8th, 2014 @ 11:46 am

    Praying you will be okay … not matter what it is.

  18. Thushari
    September 9th, 2014 @ 1:09 am

    Sending many prayers your way. The waiting us horrid, isn’t it?

  19. Kir
    September 12th, 2014 @ 10:27 am

    Sorry I’m late to comment, but I wanted you to know I’m thinking good things and know you’re going to be just fine. XO

  20. theresa
    October 14th, 2014 @ 12:31 am

    You never updated on this, I hope that means all is well with your health.

  21. Law Momma
    October 14th, 2014 @ 10:28 am

    Yes! Perfectly fine. πŸ™‚ I posted on the facebook wall, but you’re right… forgot to update here.

  22. Law Momma
    October 27th, 2014 @ 8:28 am

    I’m fine! I’m fine! Totally normal swollen lymphnode. πŸ™‚ Sorry… should have posted sooner.

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    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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