Happy “ever after” in the Marketplace

Posted on | January 15, 2015 | 26 Comments

So approximately five years ago, I sat down and created my very first blog… inspired by the fact that I could actually post my thoughts and ideas and what not to the internet. It was sort of… underwhelming… at first. I posted and joined Twitter and found other blogs I enjoyed. I wrote about J and how stressful life was. I wrote about moving to Savannah and starting a new job. And really, I think like fifteen people made up my “loyal” following. Of those fifteen, ten were family and friends and the other five were new bloggers like myself.

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I didn’t expect any more.

I didn’t ever really think anyone would give two sh*ts about what I have to say about, well, anything. And that’s good… because for the most part no one does. I just wanted a place to write my thoughts… somewhere other than the tired, leather or canvas bound books that I’ve been toting around my whole life. I wanted the possibility of feedback, you know? That tiny sliver of hope that someone would read and tell me I’m not crazy. That someone would read and say “That chick has interesting thoughts” or maybe “hey, she’s not a bad writer!” I wanted what all bloggers want, I think, affirmation from someone else that what I’m going through isn’t foreign. Or maybe that what I say and how I say it is … unique? Special? Yes. I wanted to feel special. And beyond that, I wanted someone to put an arm around my shoulders and say “It’s cool. I’ve been there.” Because I didn’t have that in my daily life. I had a stressful job and though I tried to hide it, a stressful marriage. I had no one sitting beside me and telling me it would be okay.

So I poured out my thoughts here, in this little corner, and white washed them as best I could, hoping that having someone else read it might just make it so.

But it didn’t.

My marriage fell apart.

This kid is totally missing out on magic, right?

And suddenly everyone wanted to read this train wreck. Suddenly everyone was paying attention to my tears and my worries. Suddenly I had that elusive “audience” that people talk about.

But for what?

It wasn’t necessarily for my writing. It wasn’t for my deep thoughts. It was, quite simply, for the drama of watching someone fall the eff apart.

Slowly, maybe a little too slowly, I built myself a life after that. I put on my big girl pants and wrote my way through the rebuilding of a soul and a heart post-divorce. Slowly, I found a world outside the confines of my blog… outside the need for that soul bolstering affirmation that it seemed only a stranger could give me. Slowly… so slowly but ever so deliciously, I found love. Real and true and stupid messy love.

And I don’t write maybe as often as I did five years ago. I don’t pour my heart out the way I did when my husband moved out or when my child cried for his father. I don’t turn to this space nearly as much as I used to.

As a result, that “audience” faded. The drama was gone. The crazy had muted.

The woman was healed.

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But some of you stayed. Some of you kept… no KEEP coming back to read my thoughts and words and ideas. Some of you … just stayed.

And though I’m not sure why or how or what for, I do have to say thanks. Thanks for the mini-affirmations, the moments you give back to me, the moments you say “I read what your saying and I HEAR you.” Thanks for giving this pseudo writer what she always wanted… feedback. Even in the smallest ways. Even in the tiniest of nods. Because it’s what every writer wishes for… a reader.

And so my life goes on over here… it’s not glamorous. It’s not all that dramatic. It’s not worthy of a thriller or even a dramatic novel. Hell, over half the time it’s not even worthy of a blog post.

But you know what? It’s my life. And I’m happy to still be sharing it with you.

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Comments

26 Responses to “Happy “ever after” in the Marketplace”

  1. Andrea Tajak
    January 15th, 2015 @ 9:17 am

    I starter reading your blog because an old high school friend suggested it. She was a new mom studying to be a lawyer and found your blog relatable (she was a blogger at that time). I am neither a close friend nor fellow blogger but have followed you for these last 5 years (holy cow it has been 5 years?!) and look forward to each post. You write the way I wish I could. Happy 5 years from a reader in Michigan. Here’s to 5 more.

  2. Law Momma
    January 15th, 2015 @ 9:27 am

    Wow! I bet it’s way colder in Michigan than here!!! Thanks so much for reading. xoxo

  3. Jo
    January 15th, 2015 @ 9:26 am

    There may have been people reading for the drama. For me, my marriage fell apart around the same time as yours and I started reading a lot of single mom blogs to feel like I wasn’t alone. None of my friends got divorced with babies – who does that?!? Thank god for the blogs! Very few of the blogs I started reading back then are still around. Most of them remarried and stopped blogging, which was understandable but kind of disappointing. I continue to read your blog because I hope I will find what you have found and it is nice to see that it is possible. And because you’re a good writer, which unfortunately is rare. Thanks for continuing to write, even without the drama!

  4. Law Momma
    January 15th, 2015 @ 9:28 am

    Thank YOU for reading and yes. You will find someone, I just know it. xoxo

  5. Thushari
    January 15th, 2015 @ 9:59 am

    I discovered you while searching for “single mom” driven blogs, mainly for support and fellowship as I don’t have any single parents in my life. I love your style and think you’re a gifted writer!

  6. Law Momma
    January 15th, 2015 @ 10:03 am

    hey thanks! We single parents have to stick together! 🙂

  7. Ldubb01
    January 15th, 2015 @ 10:31 am

    Lovely post! Actually I started reading maybe two years ago, and for some time I had no idea you were divorced! I started reading and found it interesting how you balanced motherhood and a career. That’s what I identified with and the fact that your son was just a bit older than my twins. One day you mentioned something about being divorced and I was shocked and had to go back in history to read the story. So please don’t feel like that was the thing that was most compelling to your audience. And as I’ve come to deal with struggles in my own marriage in the last year, it’s been somewhat comforting to know that if things don’t work out…well they might actually end up working out another way. So the happy stuff serves some of us pretty well:)

  8. Law Momma
    January 15th, 2015 @ 11:12 am

    Good! More happy for everyone! 🙂

  9. Delia James
    January 15th, 2015 @ 10:37 am

    I’m the worst at leaving comments, mostly because I read on my phone and it never fails I screw up a comment when I try to leave one. Stupid fat fingers. Just wanted to tell you that even though I don’t comment much anymore I still read every post and I smile every time I see your smiling face in a picture.

  10. Law Momma
    January 15th, 2015 @ 11:12 am

    Thanks so much!!! I’m the same way. I read on my phone and don’t leave much by way of comments so I totally get it.

  11. michelle
    January 15th, 2015 @ 1:11 pm

    I’m bad about commenting, but I do try to tweet at her =)

  12. Sharon
    January 15th, 2015 @ 12:22 pm

    I stumbled across your blog a couple of years ago–so long after your divorce–and I’ve kept it in my reader because, as a lawyer and mother myself, I can relate to a lot of what you write. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

  13. Law Momma
    January 15th, 2015 @ 12:46 pm

    Thank you so much for reading!! 🙂

  14. michelle
    January 15th, 2015 @ 1:10 pm

    Someone pointed your site out to me while I was starting my own divorce path.. I’ve stayed watching you transform every since. I’m glad you’re here and sharing. Thank you.

  15. Law Momma
    January 15th, 2015 @ 2:59 pm

    I’m so glad you’re here! 🙂

  16. stephanie perry
    January 15th, 2015 @ 1:43 pm

    I’ve been reading your blog for several years- it’s weird to think that I’ve been following the life of a stranger for such a long time. I was here pre-divorce and have always found your writing to be lovely and your ideas thoughtful. Thank you for continuing when your personal life was difficult and for allowing us to be a teeny, tiny, voyeuristic part of the love you share with Banks and J.

  17. Law Momma
    January 15th, 2015 @ 3:00 pm

    Thanks so much for reading! It means more than I could ever say.

  18. Jana Anthoine
    January 15th, 2015 @ 3:33 pm

    WHEEEEEE! Without you writing that first post, would we know each other? OMG I can’t even think of it. Love you!

  19. Lauren
    January 15th, 2015 @ 3:35 pm

    As a fellow attorney working mom, I’ve always appreciated your POV and love to read your posts when they appear. Glad you are happy!

  20. Lola M.
    January 15th, 2015 @ 5:16 pm

    I just want you to know that I do continue to read your updates as they come in through email! I enjoy each one. You have a lyrical way of writing and I would much rather be allowed the privilege of your sharing the every day ordinary than anything else out there. 🙂 With so much drama and ugliness in the world it’s easy to forget that 99% of us are living ordinary lives … and it is good.

  21. TarynB
    January 15th, 2015 @ 11:23 pm

    I come here every day, just to check in and see if there is a new post. I came by here the first time because we were going through our divorce mess at the same time. I am proud to call you my friend even though we haven’t met (yet.) I know you are there for support even from a distance. I am so thrilled that you and Banks and J are so so so happy! Xoxox

  22. Anna
    January 16th, 2015 @ 12:19 am

    I was trying to think how I first found your blog… and I have no idea. But I am also a reader pre-divorce, and the only real commonality I have with you is that I’m a mom to a young child (actually two of them, one who is 5 and one who is 3). Like many of the other commenters today, I just really enjoy your writing style, so that is what keeps me coming back day after day to check in on you and your life. Keep writing.

  23. NinjaPanza
    January 16th, 2015 @ 10:24 am

    Well, as you can tell, I don’t get on to read blogs as much as I used to, but then I binge and comment on 5 posts at once. 🙂

    You’ve been in my various readers for years; our sons are close in age. I’ve always liked the way you “spill” your thoughts… (get it?) and I feel like you write the things I think, but seemingly with more ease and better articulated than I do. 🙂

  24. Alecia
    January 16th, 2015 @ 3:58 pm

    I am so glad you keep posting too. I am in the audience and cheering you on!!!

  25. Roxanne Piskel
    January 16th, 2015 @ 10:46 pm

    It wasn’t the drama that kept me, but the way you weave words and the reflections on life you share with your readers–your voyeurs. I read a lot of myself in you. I was post-divorce when you were going through yours and I found so much comfort in your words. I found that “hey I’m not alone” feeling with you. And I am forever grateful for that. I am grateful for you. And I’ll always be here. XO

  26. Ruth
    January 24th, 2015 @ 12:17 pm

    I’m a week and a half late to this party, but wanted to thank you for your writing. I started reading shortly after the blog started. My son is a couple months younger than J. Your honesty, your way with words, how you can make beauty out of the basic have kept me here for five years. You have a gift that you generously share!

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    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
    Based on a work at http://www.law-momma.com.
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