Posted on | January 4, 2017 | 4 Comments
This morning, I dropped J off at tennis camp and set off towards work.
It was just another average sort of morning… I got up, I ate breakfast with Banks, I complained about how slow J was moving towards the inevitable task of putting on socks and shoes. (If you’re a parent of a boy, you can feel my pain on just how many times a morning I say the words “Socks and shoes.”). It was just an average sort of morning.
But as I pulled onto the highway to work, blasting a playlist from a few years back, I suddenly realized something I hadn’t felt in quite some time:
I felt… happy. Content. Possibly even delighted with my average little life.
I’m 30 weeks pregnant with a second little boy.
I’m married to the most frustrating, lovable, obnoxious, and wonderful man.
I have a 7 year old who, for the most part, is one hell of a human being.
And I’m deliriously happy with my average little life.
Do you know how wonderful that feels? Have you ever lived through a spell of life that’s so heartbreaking that you wonder if you’ll ever breathe normally again? Because that’s what divorce and single-parenting was for me. It was a heavy, dark cloud of confusion and fear and worry. It was waking up every day grateful but also so frightened of the hours that spread out before me. It was wondering if I was unlovable, wondering if I was broken, wondering if I was breaking my child with the weight of my wondering and worry.
And as I smiled my way through the drive to my office this morning, it occurred to me that there are a lot of men and women going through that same thing this morning. There are a lot of people who woke up wishing for an average sort of life… one with a partner who treats them as an equal, who loves them as an equal, who speaks to them as though they are wonderfully and prayerfully made. So to those people… to those friends of mine who are hunkered down, weathering the aftershocks of a husband or wife who left, wondering if there’s life after the aching emptiness… I have to tell you… there is.
There is wonderful, glorious, beautiful life out there.
There is deliciously average life just waiting to be embraced with both arms… when you’re ready to stretch them wide again.
This morning I dropped J off at tennis camp and set off towards work.
And in the midst of my exhaustion and commute, I took one long lifetime of a moment to realize that I am so very happy. It is my hope for each of you that you find your own average little happiness just waiting to be owned in 2017.
Happy New Year!