Building a Village

Posted on | November 13, 2017 | 3 Comments

I was talking to a good friend of mine today about our town being “clique-ish.” Okay… talking is the wrong word. I was complaining.

And I was complaining for the same reason most people complain: I don’t have a clique.

Maybe it’s because I’m lazy, or maybe it’s because I’m mostly exhausted all the time, but I see all these people having fun with each other, their kids running around together like long lost brothers and sisters. Every time those images flash up on Facebook I think “Why am I not in a group like THAT?”

Not too long ago, the couple who set Banks and I up went on a camping trip. They went with a group of other families and the pictures were fabulous. It looked like everyone had a wonderful time, and it turned out we knew most of them. My first reaction was one of jealousy. That was a group I could be in, right? I could pack up a back pack and brave the wilderness, yeah?

But then I remembered….

I don’t sleep on the ground. Ever. Also? Bugs.

One “clique” down.

There are country club cliques and private school cliques and church family cliques and somehow, I always feel a little on the outside of all of them. I’m no longer a country club girl. My kid attends public school. I’m lousy at remembering to get up on Sundays for church.

It’s not that I don’t like the people in those groups… it’s just… it never seems like I’m the right fit for their groups.

I couldn’t hear my friend laughing at me as I complained, but I knew she was.

“You have to build your own,” she told me.

And I realized she was right. It’s not about fitting into little pre-fab cliques. It’s about pulling and choosing your village from among all the groups around you. I’m not going to lie, it’s going to be hard for me. I’m really exceptionally lazy when it comes to leaving my house for things other than house fires and work. But I think if I want to put down the roots I’ve been longing to plant, it’s time to step outside my comfort zone and look for people to build MY village with.

Maybe I can put out a personal ad?

“Desperately seeking friends. Women with children have first priority. Must love to laugh. Beer-drinkers preferred, though any alcohol consumption is fabulous. A love of sports is a definite plus. Must love people who are indecisive, moody, messy, often irrational, and overwhelmingly nuts in all the best ways and some of the worst. Applicants may apply via walking across the grocery store to let me know that I have failed to zip my pants, button my shirt, or that there’s something in my teeth.”

If only it were that easy.



3 Responses to “Building a Village”

  1. Michelle A Meazell
    November 13th, 2017 @ 2:54 pm

    I would totally be in your clique!

  2. Sharon
    November 14th, 2017 @ 12:10 pm

    Making friends as an adult is tough, and having children can make it both easier and harder. Easier if it just so happens that the parents of your child’s friends are people who you would also choose as friends. Harder because free time goes out the window once you have friends.

    I hope you find your tribe. 🙂

  3. KeAnne
    November 15th, 2017 @ 11:12 am

    I SO get this and wish there were an easy solution :-/ I see the moms in my subdivision hanging out all the time and can’t figure out how to break into their cliques. Something tells me, though, that we don’t have much in common.

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