Getting Stuck
When I am knee-deep in work or a phone call and J want’s my attention, he works himself into a very tight space and then calls for me: “Mommy! I’m stuck! I need your help!” He’s never really stuck, he’s always quite able to get himself out of whatever situation he’s in, but he refuses [...]
Empty.
Every time I sit down to write, the only words that come out of my fingers and onto the keys are… Divorce. Broken. Hurt. Alone. Afraid. And I start to think, start to wonder if maybe I talk too much, write too much, and think too much about him and the space he left behind. [...]
The Taking Away
When you get engaged, the giving begins. As a woman, you first receive a ring and then you receive showers full of toaster ovens, china patterns, and various and assorted nicknacks. Then you are given a party which begins with the giving of an oath and the exchanging of rings. At the end of the [...]
A Day in the Life
At 2:20 in the morning, a plaintive mourn echoes through the house “Mooooommmmmmma?” I’m up. I shuffle to the nursery to pick up J and snuggle him close to me. “Momma bed?” He asks, his head laid against my shoulder. Sure, kid, I’ll take you to momma’s bed… anything for sleep. I shuffle back to my room. Laying [...]
Borrowed Time
Driving home from my first day of work, I felt like there was someone sitting in the back seat holding a ticking time bomb to the back of my head. I could hear the ticking as clearly as if I were a child again, pressing my head to the large gold wrist watch on my [...]
Being Alone
I’m scared to be alone. Not in a global, emotional way… I don’t have any problem not having a significant other. I am scared to be alone in my house. When I’m alone, I start to think about things that I shouldn’t think about. I start to have dreams at night about things I don’t [...]
You can call me Plumber Jane…
We moved here on Thursday of last week. Although I had a washer and dryer in Savannah and brought them here with me, the dryer wasn’t working properly. I went out and bought a new dryer (with money I didn’t have) and waited for it to arrive so I could begin doing the mountains of [...]
Stepping Off the Platform
Tomorrow morning, I will take my son to the place he calls “school” for the last time. He will play with his friends all morning, not really understanding that he will not see them again after tomorrow. He will lie down for his nap, secure in the knowledge that all is right in his world. [...]
Black and White
I saw an unfamiliar name in my email inbox but there have been so many unfamiliar and supportive emails coming in lately, that I didn’t think twice before opening it. There before me, in black and white, was my signed and file stamped Complaint for divorce. I went out and got the lawyer. My (insert [...]
When Hope Dies
We’ve moved into casual conversation land. I don’t know when it happened or how I feel about it but yesterday Ex called to check on J and we managed to have a conversation that didn’t end in my wanting to curl up in a ball and die. That’s got to be progress of some kind… [...]
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