I’m up to my ears in poop over here….

Posted on | March 30, 2010 | 13 Comments

Oh. My. God.

Monday came dangerously close to destroying me. Seriously. It all started on Sunday afternoon when Husband went to work. Every other Sunday he has to work from 2 -10 pm. It’s normally not a big deal but this Sunday… it was a big deal. J had an upset stomach. I didn’t think much of it; just chalked it up to the solid food we tried on Saturday disagreeing with him. But when 4:00 rolled around and he was still fussy and inexplicably still pooping, I decided to take his temperature.

Holy Mother of Fevers. How did I not notice that my kid was burning up?! His fever was well over 103 at that point. I gave him some Tylenol and thus began one of the longest nights of my life. Suffice to say that he didn’t want to have anything to do with his crib or with lying down sans Mommy. When Husband got home around 10:30, we were both sprawled out on the sofa watching The Blind Side.

Flash forward a few hours and we were still battling with J to get him to sleep for longer than thirty minutes without screaming. At 2:30 I was folding laundry just to have a break from the pitiful creature who had stolen my son. At 7:00 am he woke up “for good” and we resumed our position on the sofa to wait for the doctor’s office to open. By this time, he had pooped over 10 times in 24 hours. A little on the excessive side, dontcha think? He was also randomly vomiting all over me, the sofa, the coffee table and probably the dog, too.

I managed to get an appointment at 10:00 am to take J to Dr. Bob. Around 9:00, J fell asleep so I sat and snuggled with him until about quarter of 10 when I thought we better get ready to go. (Dr. Bob’s office is only about 5 minutes from my house.) It was then that I realized my day had taken a turn for the worst. To be specific, I was on the phone with my sister and all of a sudden it dawned on me. It was like getting knocked in the face with an anvil.

Husband was at work. With Husband’s car. And tucked into the backseat of Husband’s car… was the car seat.


There were words. There were non-Lent friendly words. And they were pouring out of my mouth like freaking Niagara Falls. I’m pretty sure I scared poop out of the dog. I called Husband at work and yelled uselessly into his voicemail. It wasn’t his fault. I mean, yes it was in his car, but who looks in the backseat for a car seat before leaving for work? We normally bring J and the car seat in… together. But I still yelled because it felt good. I was lost. I didn’t know what to do. And then I remembered the car seat we had gotten at a baby shower for J when he outgrew his infant seat. Good news? It was one of those convertible ones that can be used rear-facing or front-facing. Bad news? I was gonna have to install it in under ten minutes.

Didn’t happen.

I was sweating like a whore in church, muttering profanities, and clipping belts and latches and random and assorted do-hickeys together. All the while, J was inside so I had the door open and a baby monitor in my hand, hoping nothing crazy happened to my son. I finally got the car seat situated where it seemed immobile and I went to get J. I sat him down in the seat only to realize I hadn’t raised the shoulder bands and they were WAY too short for him. So I had to take him back inside, take the whole thing out of the car, turn it upside down and try the whole process again.

Take two of putting J in the car…. and all I smell is poop. Yeah. He’d pooped. Again. So we went BACK in the house and changed yet another diaper. We finally got to Dr. Bob’s office about thirty minutes late, which was still pretty good in my mind. We had to wait a while as a result of being late but we finally got back to the room. The nurse weighed J and took his pulse oxygen. About that time I looked down at my hand and noticed that it was streaked with dried poop. It would have been bad enough to just have the dried poop on my hand but no. That wasn’t enough for my sleep-deprived self. I stuck out my hand in front of my face, looked blankly at the nurse (the same one who “found” the mushroom) and said “I have poop on my hand.”

Did she need to know that? No. Did I need to tell her? Not on your life. And yet the words just came out. She sort of looked surprised and gestured to the sink and said “Well. That’s not good. There’s a sink with soap.” And it registered to me that yes, I did need to wash my hands. Couldn’t figure that out without announcing my cleanliness failure? Nope, apparently not.

The rest of my day was a blur of more poop, more vomit, more profanity, and zero napping. I went by the office and picked up work but couldn’t get much of it done because J didn’t like the idea of doing anything outside of my arms. When Husband got home I made a beeline for The Fresh Market where I bought wine, beer, Cadbury Eggs, chocolate milk, and a giant slice of chocolate cake… you know… just the staples.

I’m so glad Monday is over I hardly know what to do with myself.

One good thing about Monday? If you missed it, check out the giveaway… it’s a good one for people looking to get back in the workforce, move up in the workforce, or just get a revamp on an old and dusty resume. Don’t forget to enter!


13 Responses to “I’m up to my ears in poop over here….”

  1. Jayme
    March 30th, 2010 @ 11:11 am

    We just went through that vomiting poop-fest with Ryan- so not fun! Hopefully J will get through it faster than Ryan did- he'd just come off of a round of chemo so it was hard for him to bounce back.

  2. Anne
    March 30th, 2010 @ 12:15 pm

    That does not sound fun! At least you had your staples for comfort — and hopefully today is better.

  3. KLZ
    March 30th, 2010 @ 1:05 pm

    Oh, poor Momma. Sick kids is really hard. As is car seat management…trust me, I hear ya.

    The worst part to me? Doctors. Why are they never worried? Why do they only seem bothered that you're calling when you are fully supposed to? Why can't they understand that when you're covered in poop that last humane thing to do is punish you for being late?

    I'm sending healthy thoughts your way. And if that doesn't work, I'm sending wine-y thoughts your way too.

  4. Ms. Diva
    March 30th, 2010 @ 1:06 pm

    Oh you poor thing!!!! As I am old here comes advice – just roll with the sickness and the poop and the vomit. Don't fight it, accept it. Settle in for a few days of doing nothing but being. It helps (so does wine!!) EVERYTHING else can wait and will still be there when J is better.

  5. disastersindomesticity
    March 30th, 2010 @ 1:13 pm

    It's so hard when LOs are sick. Not only do you have to deal with things like excess poop or a stuffy nose, they don't understand what's going on and why so you have to comfort them 24/7. It just sucks everything right out of you.

    Hope J feels better soon!

  6. Denise
    March 30th, 2010 @ 1:35 pm

    Oh dear. What a terrible day. Your humorous, spot-on description had me nodding and laughing and wishing I could send cold beer through blog comment. Hang in. (And, despite your lack-of-sleep, sick child and full-time job, you still managed an awesome blog post. Hats off to you.)

  7. Rebekah @ Mom-In-A-Million
    March 30th, 2010 @ 1:50 pm

    Ugh. I hope the little guy feels better soon and you don't suffer lifelong trauma for having poop on your hands.

  8. Cybil
    March 30th, 2010 @ 2:10 pm

    Um – Yuck! I know that I somehow would have felt the need to proclaim the poop on my hand as well. Hoping the little guy feels better soon!

  9. Mama Pea
    March 30th, 2010 @ 2:19 pm

    Hey Law Momma – I just recently discovered your blog. This day sounds terrible, you must be glad it's over. Sleep deprivation + car seat installation + poop on your hand…. yucko. Poor you and poor J. I'm pretty sure if I found dried poop on my hand I would react the same way!

  10. Shannon
    March 30th, 2010 @ 4:16 pm

    You poor poor lady! Here's hoping your Tuesday's looking up and your lil' one is feeling better.

  11. Crazed Mama
    March 30th, 2010 @ 7:22 pm

    "sweating like a whore in a church" Baaaaa!! LMAO that is the best line EVAH!

  12. metta1313
    March 30th, 2010 @ 8:37 pm

    Hope your Tuesday is better than your Monday. AND yes, that was an awesome post…the things that make good posting fodder.

  13. Not There Yet
    March 30th, 2010 @ 9:29 pm

    Oh my goodness! Poor guy… hopefully J got some med-sin is feeling much better!

  • Creative Commons License
    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
    Based on a work at http://www.law-momma.com.
  • Twitter

  • Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner


  • Grab my button for your blog!