Exiled from the Mom Club?

Posted on | April 10, 2010 | 22 Comments

I’m starting to wonder if I’m doing anything right with this whole parenting gig.

I mean, I fully understand that there are no user manuals, but how do all these other parents seem to have a leg up on me? Where are they getting their information and why aren’t they sharing? I feel like there’s a club I forgot to join or something,  because I am clearly missing crucial data.

For example, on Wednesday, I took J to daycare. I was running a little late, but not terribly so. When I got there, one of the teachers was giving breakfast to one of the little girls in J’s class. I made a comment about how big she was getting and the teacher looked at me and smiled. Then she shares some information with me that perhaps I should have already known.

“Yes. She usually eats breakfast and lunch in her highchair. You could send more solid food for J if you want to…”

And the tone of her voice indicated that this was not really a request. It was more of a chastisement. As in “you’re not feeding your kid enough solid food, crack whore of a mother.” I kind of blushed a little, I’m sure. I asked her if that was the norm for kids his age and she smiled knowingly.

“Yes. Most of the kids his age are having solid food for three meals a day. In addition to bottles.”

WHAT?!?! How come no one told me??? I’ve been happily breastfeeding my kid and giving him one Stage One jar of baby food a day. How come no one felt the need to share that I wasn’t feeding him enough? I mean, yes, Dr. Bob’s office gave me a print out with solid food feeding instructions, but I thought that was just a suggestion. I didn’t realize it was orders!

So I’m left wondering what other information I’m not privvy to. Like maybe J is supposed to know how to ride a tricycle already. Or count to seventeen in Spanish.  I mean, I know he’s supposed to be sleeping more than he is, but I certainly can’t staple his eyes shut. (Don’t look at me funny… it’s crossed my mind in the wee hours of the morning but it’s illegal, right?)

Oh well. My kid weighs 20 pounds. He’s healthy. He laughs … a lot. And that’s all that really matters. Although, if there are other things I need to know, you guys will tell me, right?


22 Responses to “Exiled from the Mom Club?”

  1. Katie
    April 10th, 2010 @ 2:34 pm

    Mom guilt is the worst! You are doing a fantastic job, the daycare lady shouldn't have shamed you.

  2. Katie
    April 10th, 2010 @ 2:35 pm

    Oh and if you find out the secret password for the Mom Club, will you tell me?

  3. Kris
    April 10th, 2010 @ 2:45 pm

    The secret password is "guilt." Duh. We've all been there, and we've all been shamed by a "well-meaning" person who suddenly makes you aware that you have been doing it ALL wrong. Shake it off. Your 20 pound keeping-you-up-all-night adorable little boy is perfect.

  4. Cindy
    April 10th, 2010 @ 2:55 pm

    People always think they know better, but you know your baby! Your little one is adorable, just research it and make a decision 🙂 My little one is a long and lanky thing, people try to tell me that she should be eating solids, or formula, blah blah…I just smile and say thanks (but no!). You are doing fine Momma!

  5. My Mercurial Nature
    April 10th, 2010 @ 3:32 pm

    Meh…don't let other people skew your ideas on what is best for YOUR baby. No one knows him better than you!

  6. km.ward
    April 10th, 2010 @ 3:55 pm

    Good lord! You have a 20 lb 8 month old?? That's awesome! you have nothing to worry about!! People and thier little "I know better" comments can stuff it! I'm not part of any "club" but my baby bible is The Baby Book, by Dr. Sears. It's a 3 inch thick brick of knowledge with everything you need to know, and even stuff you didn't know you needed to know from birth to 2 years old!! I.love.this.book. Then, when you have a moment….you should read a book called "Hell Is Other Parents"… it will make you feel better 🙂

  7. Anne
    April 10th, 2010 @ 5:11 pm

    Meh. This is round 2 for me and I still have no idea what I am doing. I say do what works and J will be just fine!

  8. Ali
    April 10th, 2010 @ 5:49 pm

    Hi, don't stress you are doing a great job, I am on number 2 and neither of my children have taken a bottle so I work full time and my little one only drink 2 oz. of milk while I am away from her. Every kid is different, trust you as a mom, don't take crap from anyone!

  9. Tiffany
    April 10th, 2010 @ 7:32 pm

    If he's 20 pounds and doing well at checkups, don't let anyone tell you how much he should be eating…you do what you think is right for him and do not worry about what everyone else is doing. He is clearly healthy.

  10. Shash
    April 10th, 2010 @ 8:23 pm

    I didn't start feeding my kids any solid foods until they were around 8 months or so, I think … it's been a while… they're 11, 9, 7 and 4 yrs of age now. I do remember solely breast-feeding my first until he was over 7 months and then I only added cereal to his diet.

    Sounds like your boy is doing just fine!

  11. HarmSkills
    April 10th, 2010 @ 11:47 pm

    my son is almost 13 months old and only weighs 19 lbs. he hates the solids. which of course makes me a feel like a big fat failure of a mom. today he ate like 10 goldfish, five bites of pineapple and two bite of food from a jar. go figure.

  12. Suzanne
    April 11th, 2010 @ 1:43 am

    For the record, Baby Evan is 12 months this week, 23+ pounds and has eaten no baby food. He doesn't eat solids either. So I grew that little monster using just my boobs, thankyouverymuch, and my LC, pediatrician and a nutritionist say I'm doing a great job. Don't let her attitude give you one second of guilt.

  13. JillyB
    April 11th, 2010 @ 3:21 am

    Keep doing what YOU are doing for YOUR child! J is so blessed to have you as his momma. Don't let anyone 'mom guilt' you…it's a wicked trick and should be outlawed! J is happy & healthy and let me tell you there was no rush in this house to get to the solid foods…the difference between a breastfed baby's diaper and a solid food baby's diaper will make you cry.Oh, the stench!

  14. Shannon
    April 11th, 2010 @ 3:26 am

    I too must've missed the memo that stated all kids were supposed to do the same thing at the same time…it really bugs me when people compare one kid to another. Everyone has their own parenting style and others just need to deal. Think all moms suffer from a lil'guilt now and again. My Gillian Grace is only a month older than your sweet boy and she's about 22 lbs and extremely happy too! Sounds like you are doing everything right…just ignore those know-it-alls!

  15. Jennifer
    April 11th, 2010 @ 5:39 am

    Love this post! You are sooooo right. my oldest is 16 and I still feel there are things people are not telling me. Yeah, it does not get easier.

  16. ~*Jess*~
    April 11th, 2010 @ 1:42 pm

    Remember the gunner from your 1st year class? I know you do. Some people are just gunners. It is what it is. My kid was in the -3% for weight. I fed her and she still was. Kids are all different. Ms. Holier than Thou teacher can eat it. Oh well. He's a total cutie, appears totally healthy (well aside from those pesky colds probably gotten from those magical moms that bring their sick kids to school), so I think you're doing justttt fine.

  17. Law Momma
    April 11th, 2010 @ 1:59 pm

    Jess… OMG the gunners. I love it. I never thought of it that way but now I will just see that guy with his hand raised everytime some parent or "well-meaning" teacher says anything about my kid! Thanks!!

  18. Mama Pea
    April 11th, 2010 @ 2:46 pm

    Ha! This post is funny. If J is happy and healthy, then you must be doing something right. I've had a few similar comments from daycare, about what "all the other mothers" or "all the other babies" are doing, but I have to wonder if maybe the daycare workers just want all the babies basically doing the same thing on the same schedule because that's easier for them.

  19. magically ordinary
    April 11th, 2010 @ 3:27 pm

    The one thing you need to know… is it sounds like you are doing a great job! (And, don't let all the freely given "advice" bother you!)

    You have a happy and healthy child! You are doing everything just right!

  20. KLZ
    April 12th, 2010 @ 12:04 am

    If anyone tells you how to get into the Mom Club please let me know.

    I think the password might be "judgment".

    You're doing a great job – and working full time to boot! Your little guy is healthy and full – it's not like you've been making him go hungry.

    Enjoy your last piece of weekend!

  21. Jayme
    April 12th, 2010 @ 12:22 am

    Psh. My one kid didn't take any solids until she was 18 months! I thought I'd never be done nursing her- and she was #4- you'd think I'd have had figured out how to get your kid to eat by then

  22. myronickmusings
    April 13th, 2010 @ 8:57 pm

    Ignore them. My daycare teacher tried to tell me at 4 mo. to start K on solids after my ped. recommended delaying til 6 mo. I agreed and we waited til 5 when I knew she needed more. We do what we know is best for K. Our ped. told us she didn't need 3 meals of solid food a day til 9 mo. and that formula/breastmilk provides all the nutrition she needs right now.

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    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
    Based on a work at http://www.law-momma.com.
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