Replaceable Me

Posted on | August 5, 2010 | 6 Comments

For a while, I was really the only person J wanted to be around. And I complained about it. I said things like “I wish I could teach him to call for Husband when he starts talking” and “Can’t someone else make him happy for once?”

And then I got my wish.

All of a sudden, no one and I mean NO ONE can get J to sleep except Husband. When I try, he cries and cries and cries and looks at me like I decapitated his favorite stuffed animal and ate the stuffing. But when Husband lays his hands on him? Instant. Peace.

So I got my wish.And I’ll be honest…

I hate it.

You’d think I’d relish the fact that I don’t have to bother with night time anymore. You’d think I’d be all “Hooray! Me time!” You’d be wrong.

Despite the fact that I wanted some free time, now that I have it, I actually feel terribly like I’ve been replaced. How foolish is that?? Can I never win as a mom? I don’t want him to be fully attached to me, but oh how I’ll cry when he ceases to be. This bedtime thing has really thrown me for a loop. I don’t like feeling not needed. I don’t like knowing that I can’t do what my son needs me to do to make him happy.

I do want Husband to have his time with J… or do I? Am I really this selfishly attached to my kid that I don’t want him to love anyone else? That can’t be healthy. Because this bedtime thing? This is just the beginning. There will be times when he says “don’t kiss me good bye, mom” and there will be girlfriends (or boyfriends) and someday, if we’re lucky, he’ll find someone to spend his life with. And I will cease to be needed.

Oh wow. That hits right in the gut.

 I can’t think about that now, I’ll think about it tomorrow.

I am being ridiculous. It’s perfectly okay and actually awesome that J wants Husband to put him to bed. It does NOT mean I’m being replaced… I’m just no longer in charge of sleeping. For now, I’m going to focus on the fact that he DOES still need me… even if it’s no longer for bedtime.


6 Responses to “Replaceable Me”

  1. Lynn
    August 5th, 2010 @ 11:02 am

    My son went through the same phase a few months ago. The only person he wanted was DH and if he thought I was going to try to take him away he would scream and hold on even tighter. I totally know how you feel on this one! The good news is that it only lasted a few months and now he's my #1 fan again. It was hard for a while, but it should pass. Just remember, you're his only mom and nobody can replace that.

  2. lunablue
    August 5th, 2010 @ 3:54 pm

    He's taught himself that your boobs will distract him! And that he needs some chill dad time! What a big boy! (He totally loves you. And likes you to have "me" time.)

  3. Eliza
    August 5th, 2010 @ 4:49 pm

    I am definitely selfish when it comes to Teva. I want her to need and love me for my own selfish reasons!!! It's great that she loves her daddy but when she reaches for me it makes me so happy. It's sick really.

  4. KLZ
    August 5th, 2010 @ 6:27 pm

    Can I please share a big glass of something alcoholic with you about this?

  5. Mama Hen
    August 6th, 2010 @ 12:15 am

    I am a new follower from Top Mommy Blogs! 🙂 I look forward to following your blog! Come and visit Mama's Little Chick and Mama's Little Nestwork! Come join my new blog network of amazing bloggers! Have a great night!

    Mama Hen

  6. D
    August 6th, 2010 @ 1:52 am

    Something that we always need to remember is that our babies – at any age – will go through phases where they need one of us, both of us, or none of us. But my mom and I are closer now than ever. And my husband and his mom have an amazing relationship as well. It will be okay! (((hugs))))

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