Hormonally Challenged

Posted on | August 18, 2010 | 11 Comments

Everybody has off days. Days when you feel like everyone else on the planet has things SOOOOO much better than you. Days when you watch the uber thin, platinum blond secretary from across the hall fancy dance her way to her Lexus with her stupid perky boobs looking all… perky… in her designer outfit and you just briefly think about flooring the gas pedal and plowing her over while screaming “TAWANDA!”

Yesterday was so that day for me. Every where I turned, someone was silently reminding me that I had not blow-dried my hair. Or straightened it. Or really paid close attention to my make up. Or my outfit. And dear Lord my shoes. Halfway home I was tempted to roll down the window and throw them out of the car.

They are ugly. And they must be destroyed.

I felt ugly yesterday. All day long.

Perhaps it was because I have a head cold and am currently holding onto my brain by a string like it’s a cheery red balloon. Perhaps it was because I took two benadryl before bed last night and had some crazy ass dreams that would frighten, well, anyone. Perhaps it was because it it was Tuesday.

Who knows honestly. All I know is if I had seen one more “young” woman I was going to scream. I felt old. Decrepit. Dare I say… frumpy. And I don’t want to feel frumpy. I’m too young for frumpy!!! On Sunday, I didn’t wear make up or even take a shower and when I saw myself in the mirror that night I think I died a little. It was UGLY. Like U-G-L-Y, I aint got no alibi, ugly. I was… haggard. So yeah. I’m now frumpy and haggard. Just call me … I don’t know. Who is famously frumpy and haggard? You know, other than me….

I need a big, group, SIGH.
The only thing that got me through the day was knowing that all of this will pass and I’ll wake up tommorow or the next day feeling much better about life. Why? Because all of this is just a passing hormonal crap shoot.

Doesn’t PMS totally and completely SUCK? Pass the ice cream.


11 Responses to “Hormonally Challenged”

  1. lunablue
    August 18th, 2010 @ 11:52 am

    Um, yes it does, I guess. I was just an hour or two ago wandering around Walmart at 2am, happily buying clearance miley cyrus clothes when I had come in for cheesecake and athlete's foot cream. I was singing a sad song to myself under my breath, passing PMS gas, had stuff spilled down my shirt, and was dropping everything constantly. That is of course only a portion of the story, but that is also pms. INsanity.

  2. lunablue
    August 18th, 2010 @ 11:53 am

    also you are very cute and CAN actually pull off no makeup

  3. Krista @ Not Mommy of the Year
    August 18th, 2010 @ 12:07 pm

    Ohhhh… yeah. Been there. I can't tell you how many times I've come home, looked in the mirror and thought, "OMG, how long have I looked like THAT? And why the hell didn't anyone tell me I was scary looking today.

    Sorry you had a bad day, but you're gorgeous. Don't let the blond secretary with perky boobs get you down. And, now you have an excuse to go get new shoes.

  4. Beauty
    August 18th, 2010 @ 12:49 pm

    I hate those days but at least we can find comfort in knowing that everyone has them. Even the blonde secretary!

  5. LA @The Reel Family
    August 18th, 2010 @ 1:41 pm

    Nothing made me feel as frumpy as the day the news announced that leggings were the "new" mom jean… and that was all I wore because elastic waists and post-baby bulge work. I died a little inside. It will get better. Promise.

  6. Cristy
    August 18th, 2010 @ 1:47 pm

    Those days do totally stink! Just think though: you never notice that happening to other women right? You always think they look fine right? Well, that's what people think of you. You are your toughest critic, so give yourself a break!! ; )

  7. Dre
    August 18th, 2010 @ 2:38 pm

    I have those days ALL THE TIME. Maybe if I actually put on makeup I wouldn't scare small children. And maybe if I still didn't look pregnant it might help. You are a stronger woman than I am… I would have floored it into the blonde. Maybe not. But this thought used to make me feel better… I had a boss who had this picture on his computer of a stunning, flawless (physically) woman in a bikini. The caption read: "The Sad Truth: Someone, Somewhere, Is Sick Of Her Shit." Hope you found that ice cream.

  8. Anne
    August 18th, 2010 @ 3:10 pm

    I have those days too…::passes the butterfinger blizzard::

  9. Nikki
    August 18th, 2010 @ 5:45 pm

    Hon, you don't have to be pms'ing to have those days. Why, just today I went to the mall to get a new outfit for a party I'm going to this weekend. Everything I tried on didn't look right, was too tight, too short, too weird. And why do I care so much about this new outfit. Because the party I'm going to is an egagement party for a friend who always said she wouldn't get married, wouldn't have kids because she didn't want to "quit life" and I just want to make her see that I still have a life. SIGH!

  10. ~*Jess*~
    August 18th, 2010 @ 7:57 pm

    Crazy lady you ARE beautiful and you're a rocking attorney.


  11. Elizabeth
    August 19th, 2010 @ 2:46 am

    I have had more days than I would like to admit where I looked in the mirror and scared the crap out of myself.

    You are not alone!

    -Permanently At Lunch

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