Can I Just Title this post "Untitled?"

Posted on | August 29, 2010 | 4 Comments

There are more growing pains in the Law Momma household and they have absolutely nothing to do with J. These growing pains are creating all sorts of drama, arguments, and the always popular blame game.

I’m talking about the growing pains of growing up. And they involve Husband and me.

We fell into a pretty blah routine in Macon: I took care of most things around the house during the week and Husband helped out around the weekend by watching J so I could clean or sometimes helping clean. We both worked but Husband hated his job and when he was home, he was HOME. He wanted to be there. He may or may not have wanted J and I there all of that time, but for the most part, he just wanted to be away from work.

Things are different in Savannah.

For one, Husband loves his job. And I mean absolutely L-O-V-E loves his job. He talks about it all the time. He thinks about it when he’s not talking about it. He tells stories about people he works with. He reminds me constantly how glad he is to be here in Savannah with a job he loves.

Don’t get me wrong, I am VERY glad that Husband loves his job.

But I don’t know how to deal with how much he loves it. I mean, he wants to work overtime and on the weekends. And I tried to explain to him that if he works every weekend and I work every weekend, then we’ll never have time together as a family. Because let’s face it, I’m going to have to work weekends when my case load picks up at work. It’s a given. And how do we juggle both of us needing to be in the office on the weekend? Do we switch days? Do we take J with us?

I just don’t know how it all will work.

And honestly? I’m having a hard time adjusting to the change. I am having a hard time understanding that Husband has to work longer hours and work on the weekends because I’m not used to it. I’m used to being able to say “I have to work late” and knowing that Husband can pick up the slack with J. I don’t know that I really WANT to learn to deal with it, either. It annoys me. Can I say that? It’s an inconvenience. It makes me feel like executing a gullet punch of epic proportions on him… and I don’t have a good reason.

Do I not want him to have a career? Do I not want him to love his job? What is the matter with me? Why can’t I just be happy that he’s happy without wondering and worrying what it means for MY happiness? Are we all this so inherently selfish or just me? Ugh. I just want someone to be available, you know? Because I’m so scared that when my work load picks up at the office, I am not going to be available. In fact, it was my biggest fear about taking this job and moving to Savannah.

I am so worried about what all this means for our little family. Because if Husband works weekends and I work weekends… when do we have family time? When are we all together? If I work Saturday and Husband works Sunday and we’re both working 40 plus hours during the week… what is left for J? Because when I was growing up, my father worked 40 plus hours during the week and played golf on the weekends. He wasn’t around as much as I might have wanted, but it was okay because we had my mom.

Who will J have?

I know, I know. I’m creating problems where there aren’t any yet… it’s my nature. I want to do what is best for J and ultimately, these jobs and the salaries they bring, are good for him. But time wise, are we shafting him?

I’m sorry. I’m just feeling all down in the dumps… the depths of despair, if you will… these days. I feel like I am sucking at my job and sucking at motherhood and sucking at being a wife… just sucking. And it’s stressing me out. One of these days I’ll get this whole thing figured out, right? It’ll seem easy one day?

Anyhow, I’m writing this on Sunday night because we’re off to the hospital tomorrow morning at 5:30 to get tubes in J’s ears. Wish us luck!


4 Responses to “Can I Just Title this post "Untitled?"”

  1. HarmSkills
    August 30th, 2010 @ 12:44 pm

    good luck with the tubes. you need a day/night/weekend off girl. take some time for yourself.

  2. KLZ
    August 30th, 2010 @ 3:00 pm

    I'm raising a glass to the tubes. I'm sure that the procedure will go well and that they'll make things much easier for your little family.

    Have you read Small Moments Mondays today? I think it's a good reminder that sometimes, little moments are all it takes to regroup.

    You guys'll get there. Deep breath.

  3. Brittany
    August 31st, 2010 @ 6:53 pm

    Change is always difficult but you will fall into a routine and all will be ok. Hope you're having a good day today. I have 3 blog awards for you:

  4. DIAPERS in the DESERT
    August 31st, 2010 @ 8:17 pm

    Your days will get better. You are amazing. It takes a little while for someone to get into the swing of things and find their niche at a new job. You will be great. Your an amazing mother, wife, and blogger. It will all work out- Just breathe. One day at a time….. Hope the tube procedure goes well.

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