Posted on | September 6, 2010 | No Comments

I had an epiphany yesterday. And you all can laugh at me, but it really caught me by surprise.

I am more than a mother.

A few days ago, one of my blogger friends posted about singing in her car and when I read it, I realized I hadn’t done that in so. long. I realized that I couldn’t even remember the last time I put in a CD… hell, I didn’t even know where my cds were! So yesterday afternoon, I left J with Husband for a quick trip to the grocery store. I pulled out my dusty old CD case and popped in a CD labeled “Orlando Fun.”

No. It was not a Disney CD. It was a mixed CD of songs I used to listen to when I was younger and a touch crazier. By the third song, I had the windows down and the volume turned all the way up and I was J-A-M-M-I-N-G Jamming!!! Seriously. Full on, tapping the beat on the steering wheel, wind blowing knots in my hair, and so off key that somewhere, angels were crying. And you know what? I loved it.

More than that, I needed it. I needed to remember that feeling I used to get when I would go to a concert with my friends, all tramped up, with faded stamps on my hand from the night before. I remembered what it felt like to feel gorgeous and young and deliriously high on being alive. And it felt … AMAZING.

I realized that what’s been missing (besides my medication, ha!) is taking the time to remember that I am more than just J’s mom. I am me. I am all the things I used to be, all the things I am, and all the things I will be later. I can still be fun. I can still crank up the radio and sing. I can still put on make-up and go to a concert … and it doesn’t have to be one where everyone is seated.

I don’t have to listen to NPR and read the newspaper. If I want to? I can still put in Snoop Dogg, strange looks be damned. I can roll down the windows and dance in my car. I can get dressed up and go dancing. I can learn something new… I am NOT an old dog!! This “epiphany”has me wanting to make my first “List” checkmark “11. Sing a karaoke duet with husband in a bar.” I want to put on some “fancy” clothes, do up my make-up and hair, and drink a little too much. I want to have more FUN.   

I think I got in this rut of thinking that because I’m a mom, I have to be more respectable. I have to be more civilized. I have to be… momish. But why can’t I just invent what mom means to J? He doesn’t have any other moms… I’m it. So whatever I am? That’s what “Mom” will mean to J. So this mom is going to be a little more fun. A little more daring. A little more… me.

And in the long run? I think we’re all going to be a lot happier.


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