Still. So. Tired.

Posted on | October 20, 2010 | 10 Comments

Apparently lethargy is contagious.

I don’t know who started it but between J and I, we’re like the little engines that can’t. It doesn’t seem to matter how much sleep I get, I am always craving more. And J is the same. He’s so tired that he falls asleep on the way to daycare in the mornings and on the way home. He even falls asleep during meal times on the weekends!

I don’t really know what we’re lacking but we need to figure it out. I’m going to bed no later than 9 and sleeping until 6:30 or 7. That should be plenty of sleep. And I’m drinking my water so I just can’t figure it out. The hypochondriac in me is convinced it’s carbon monoxide poisoning but since we live in an apartment and everyone around us seems fine not to mention the fact that Husband and AJ are fit as fiddles, I can easily drown that fear out.

Maybe it’s this constant struggle I’m having? The tug-o-war between home and work? Is it possible that my child is so in tune with how exhausted I am that I’m actually making him exhausted? Who knows. I just know that in the mornings when I take him in to daycare now, he just sort of sits on the floor and stares blankly at me. His teachers say he’s fine after I leave but any time I visit he just wants to crawl up in my lap, lay his head on my shoulder, and rest. 

And to be totally honest? I don’t mind the extra love.

But the weird thing is that when it’s actually night time, he wants nothing to do with it. He would rather scream, cry, and play his new favorite game “See how hard I can pull Mommy’s hair before she makes me stop” than actually lay down and rest.  Night time has become a huge power struggle between him, me and Husband. There are so many tears and not all of them are J’s. He’s pretty good while I read a story and give him his bottle but the minute the bottle is finished and it’s time to get serious about sleeping, he’s on the attack. It takes me the better part of an hour and Husband a little (okay, a lot) less to get him calmed down. And I don’t mean normal fussing, I mean full on, can’t hardly breathe, mad at the world bawling.  By the time he is finally quiet and sleeping, I’m so worn out that I couldn’t even tell you what is going on in any of my favorite television shows. (That’s a big deal, promise. I’m a TV junkie normally.)

I’m wondering if maybe he just misses me as much as I miss him? Because it doesn’t take nearly as long for him to fall asleep when he’s with Husband. I don’t know. I just know I’d like for my time with J to be less tearful and more fun. Especially when we have so little time together.


10 Responses to “Still. So. Tired.”

  1. amy
    October 20th, 2010 @ 11:40 am

    winding down at night is hard when you are learning to walk and talk and eat etc. He is trying to master a lot of tasks, and learning about choices. We went through the same thing…'ll get better. Neither of mine ever wanted to miss anything, going to sleep at night was hard.
    And you, sweet sister? You are probably trying to recoup all the lost sleep from the last year or so 😉 Sounds like you and J are quite in tune with each other….enjoy that snuggling! I miss it. My little man is always on the go now (as you well know)!love ya……

  2. Anonymous
    October 20th, 2010 @ 12:14 pm

    I've been reading your blog for almost 6 months now, and it seems like most of your posts are about how tired/overwhelmed/not happy you are. Not that it matters, because as a mom, I totally get it. BUT, if you go back and take a look at your blog posts as a whole, I think you will see a pattern. All this to say, maybe its time for a change in your life? I hate to see you so unhappy and tired all the time. Are there any things you can do to get more sleep or make things easier on your family?

  3. Mrs. MidAtlantic
    October 20th, 2010 @ 12:46 pm

    Are you getting enough fresh air and exercise? That always help me!

  4. Dre
    October 20th, 2010 @ 2:14 pm

    I am feeling you here, but have no answers. I have been going to bed when my boys do (8:00-8:30ish) and sleeping until around 7. Sooo much sleep yet I can't shake the tireds. My little guy was still sleeping when I called to check on him at 8:30 this morning and he almost always falls asleep on the way home on daycare days. Maybe the change in weather? But Savannah isn't really that cold and gloomy. I don't know. Just keep sleeping and your body will get the rest that it needs. It is hard work trying to be a lawyer and a momma, I know. And I suck at it.

  5. KLZ
    October 20th, 2010 @ 2:25 pm

    I would miss TV so much. I mean, I miss it a lot but I still…sort of….know what's going on on 2 or 3 shows.

    Why don't you have hubby put him down every night for a week or so and see if that gets J into a bedtime routine?

    Or, alternately, take a day off just to sleep?

  6. Anonymous
    October 20th, 2010 @ 3:01 pm

    Lately, my husband can get R to sleep much easier than I can. There's just so much for R to do and see, he gets distracted so easily, even if he's so tired. So maybe part of your bedtime routine is that your husband gets him to sleep. You could still do story and bottle, and then pass him off to hubby. No need to stress yourself out over bedtime if its easier for husband.
    It also looks like you're stressing yourself out needlessly over worrying whether all of J's behavior is because he misses you. Of course he misses you to some extent…but I think the behavior you are describing for him is normal, and not because he thinks you are abandoning him or because he has only spent a few hours with you on a weekday. Don't keep telling yourself that its all your fault because you work…because it's simply not true. And if he's getting quality time with your husband (getting him to sleep for instance) you shouldn't view it as a failure on your part…it's important for him to have time with J as well. Yes, J loves and needs his mommy. But you don't need to put the pressure on yourself that you are the ONLY one that J needs, or that someone else can't help fill his emotional needs.
    As the poster above stated, you've got a lot going on right now. And your posts do convey a lot of discontentment. I think you also need to consider whether the fatigue is depression-related. When I have gone through periods of depression in my life (no judgement here — the periods I'm referring to required professional help for me) I felt like I couldn't get enough sleep.
    I want to send you a hug over the computer. You seem so stressed, and so down. Your love for your son is amazing and clear in every post, but you need to take a step back and realize that you are doing a good job (and not just a "good enough" job, which is how I think you view it), and you need to cut yourself some slack.

  7. disastersindomesticity
    October 20th, 2010 @ 3:21 pm

    My son actually slept through the night last night (which is rare) and I'm still exhausted. I think my body is still trying to catch up. Perhaps yours is too?

    My husband puts our son to sleep fast these days as well. So we just switched up the routine so he's putting him to bed most nights, and I give him and bath and read to him. It's made things a lot easier because I don't have to fight with him.

    Good luck!

  8. ~*Jess*~
    October 20th, 2010 @ 4:05 pm

    Children can absolutely zone in to what you're feeling and they manifest it. Hang in there mama.

  9. molly
    October 21st, 2010 @ 4:21 pm

    I'm tired all the time too. But my 5-month-old doesn't sleep very well. I'm up once a night, at least. And now my toddler is regressing with sleep due to starting daycare.

    Right there with you. Exhausted, depressed, pretty unhappy with myself (not my life).

    Ugh, it's a never-ending battle.

  10. Diana @Hormonal Imbalances
    October 21st, 2010 @ 8:13 pm

    I'm fried. 24-7. And I don't work, so what's that about?

    But so is Bella, and lately I've noticed she's got bags under her eyes, she's just a tad paler than the rest of the kids. She sleeps but not real well, her naps are awful.

    We took her to the Dr. and they are running blood tests to check her iron levels and other stuff. Maybe think about that for J? Just a thought.


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