Read at your own risk…

Posted on | January 7, 2011 | 4 Comments

What a week.

I don’t even know what else to say about this week. I feel like life picked me up and drop kicked me back into my first few weeks of motherhood. I’m worn out, I’m frazzled, I’m stressed to the nines and I haven’t slept in what feels like a century.

What a week.

I don’t do well with no sleep. I never have. I’ve always been one of those people who just really needs eight hours. I’m much more pleasant when I sleep and I don’t cry nearly as much as when I’m exhausted, swear! The thing about me and sleep deprivation is that the tireder I am, the dumber my choices become.  It’s like my brain cells just disappear with the lost sleep and I start making decisions like my name is Heidi Montag.  Take, for example, food. When I am tired, I can not process food. On a normal day, I can think “Self, what should you eat?” and then my self will answer with something pithy and we’ll have a good chuckle and eat something semi-healthy. On a tired day? Our conversation is more like this:

Me: “Self. Uh. Hungry. Gahhhhh so tired.”

Self: “shut up you whiny B. I hate you.”

Me: “Why are you so meeeeean to me?” *sniff, sniff*

Self: GAH I hate you so much. Fat ass.

Me: ::SOBBING::

Self: At least all your boo-hooing might burn some calories. I HATE YOU! Go to sleep!

And then I just don’t eat because I don’t want to hear anything else from that snarky POS. Only a couple of hours  will pass and then I’m REALLY hungry. Like so hungry that Self has just passed out from starvation in the corner so she’s totally not gonna know about the fact that I’m shoveling fists fuls of freaking dry roasted peanuts at a caloric rate of nine gajillion per fistful into my mouth.  And washing it down with something healthy like… I don’t know, moonshine. Poor Choices.

I also tend to do stupid things, like burn myself… which I did on the lasagna pan. You know, the pan full of lasagna that didn’t need to be cooked because there are like fifteen other things already in the fridge but I was too whiny to reheat any of them.  Stupid things like giving my child, who has been sick with the runs on top of everything… BEANS for dinner. Good call, mom. Stupid things like giving my son Thomas the Train bath soap crayons to play with, thinking he would find them fun and cheerful and not realizing that, hello, he’s not even two years old and he’s always and only had Johnson’s stuff which is totally baby friendly and YEP, there go the fists into the eyes. And then there was screaming because yes, Thomas the Train bath soap crayons are NOT baby-eye friendly and they apparently burn very badly if they get in your eyes.

I don’t even think this post makes any sense. But what I do know is that there are seven different tins of hot chocolate in my kitchen. Seven. I think I have a problem. I can’t stop buying it. Husband may shoot me in the face if I even so much as look at hot chocolate in a store ever again. So given that I’m tired. And that there are seven tins of hot chocolate in my kitchen. And that my decision making is so far gone that this seems like a viable dinner option… I’m opting for hot chocolate for dinner instead of that mean lasagna that gave me a blister on my arm.

Happy sleeping, folks. I’m so very sorry about this post. Honest. If I ever read it again I’ll probably cry. And go buy more hot chocolate.

Comments

4 Responses to “Read at your own risk…”

  1. Heather
    January 7th, 2011 @ 2:22 am

    I hear ya on the sleep thing. That was probably one of the top two contributors to my PPD. I was never a caffeine drinker — not soda, not coffee, not tea. Actually, this may be blasphemous, but I’m not even a big fan of hot chocolate — I’d prefer chocolate milk! I need a pseudo normal amount of sleep to function, because i don’t have the caffeine to fall back on.

    AND to boot — I am a ridiculously light sleeper. It’s awful, and I am ashamed to admit that a few nights this week I slept in a separate bedroom from my husband because he sometimes snores, and it just drives me nuts, especially if he fell asleep before me…

    The light sleeping made the newborn phase a disaster for me, because I had all the jumpiness of a new mother, on top of the sleep deprivation, on top of the light sleeping. I had such bad anxiety, I couldn’t rest when I knew I could/needed to. It was awful.

    It’s better now, but I still find that my mood and how I feel about my proficiency of motherhood is almost directly proportional to how well rested I feel…

  2. Bee
    January 7th, 2011 @ 5:30 am

    If the standard is writing with honesty and heart, you have done so with this and every other post. Kudos and God bless.

    ~ a new mom and 2nd year associate (read: tired, weepy mess).

  3. Jessica
    January 7th, 2011 @ 6:40 pm

    I’m glad to know it’s not just me who walks around like a bumbling idiot when I’m sleep deprived. I feel like I have very early onset alzheimer’s with the forgetfullness and stupid choices I make due to my lack of sleep.

  4. Jess@Straight Talk
    January 7th, 2011 @ 7:53 pm

    Oh honey you need a break. A good relaxing break. No work. No responsibilities (I mean be at home obviously) but make time for yourself and just clear your head. Think.

    Maybe a drive to the mama’s house where she could watch J for a bit and you could just veg out?

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    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
    Based on a work at http://www.law-momma.com.
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