Things that Annoy Me

Posted on | March 16, 2011 | 5 Comments

I’m not functioning on all cylinders these days.  And it seems like the least little thing can annoy me to the point of stabbiness.  So, in honor of my annoyed state, I’m going to share with you a list of things that piss me off… in no particular order:

1. You know that saying about when life hands you lemons? That pisses me off. Because honestly, the very LAST thing I want to do when I’m having a crappy lemon-filled day is to put myself around knives.  Or sugar.  Both of these could have a terrible TERRIBLE effect on my physical and/or mental well being.  Plus, I’m not a huge fan of lemonade to begin with but making my own lemonade? That’s just dumb.  Crystal Light has it in a very nice powdery form that takes a lot less work.

2. People who judge other people for being gay vs. straight, working vs. non-working parents, breast feeding vs. formula feeding, Republican vs. Democrat, Christian vs. non-Christian, black vs. white, male vs. female, or any other damn versus.  Don’t we have enough stuff to worry about with earthquakes and tsunamis and nuclear meltdowns? Are you really so very bored that the only thing you can focus your attention on is the fact that someone has a different lifestyle or opinion than you? Because if so, I can certainly pawn some of my “To Do” list over to you. I don’t have the time to bother with that crap and if you do? You need to get your head on straight and find a better way to spend your “free” time.

3. Girl Scout Cookie Sales.  It bugs me.  I don’t want to have to tell cute, adorable little girls “no” for the one billionth time.  Look, some people can NOT have cookies in the house. How about a healthy alternative? How about cookies and something else that is healthy? Or maybe just the option to donate cookies to a homeless shelter or to the military like a local troop did. Because THAT I can get behind.  Expanding my ass at the behest of a cute little girl in pigtails is NOT something I need, thank you very much.  Sell me some carrot sticks or something. Or better yet? Just don’t put the girls out there to stare at me with those big sad puppy dog eyes when I quite rightly say “no thanks” because I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.

4. People who ask “how are you” and don’t stop to hear your response. Do not ask me unless you want me to respond. I am perfectly fine with you just saying “hello” and moving on with your day. I will not ask you how you are doing unless I expect you to respond so don’t look at me funny when I say “Oh, you know… hanging in there” like I wasn’t supposed to say anything. YOU ASKED!

5. Teenage drivers smoking cigarettes.  I have an unnatural urge to park my car, get out, rip the cancer stick from your hand and then slap you with a pickle.  Quit smoking. It’s not cool.  You smell bad and you look stupid. Plus, you can’t even walk and chew gum, how do you expect to drive and ash that damn thing?

6. The pre-teen-esque girls recently hired by my son’s daycare.  You weigh less than my child.  There is no way you are qualified to care for seven toddlers at the same time.  You look at me like I’m crazy when I sit on the floor and read a book to them when I pick up J in the afternoons.  I watched you stare helplessly as a little boy pulled a chair off the table, turned it over, and almost impaled himself on the underside before I whisked him away to play with something else.  Don’t you have a mother waiting at home for YOU? Please grow up, learn how to care for children, and THEN come pretend like you are capable of handling a class full of boys.

Maybe I need to call it a day and have a non-alcoholic beer. I’m feeling very… cranky


5 Responses to “Things that Annoy Me”

  1. Jess@Straight Talk
    March 16th, 2011 @ 7:37 pm

    Ooooh that would really get me about those teen girl workers. Not nice.

  2. Sara
    March 16th, 2011 @ 8:06 pm

    “Oh, you know… hanging in there!” is my standard response to everyone, clients, UPS driver, everyone. What’s sad is that I don’t meet new people often so everyone who says “how ya doing” to me pretty much knows they’re going to get a response. And what it’s going to be. 🙂

    Children taking care of children drives me bonkers too! I flat out refused to take Oliver to one daycare on that fact alone – all the workers seemed to be in their early 20s at BEST. Thank God his current daycare hasn’t lost their minds and started hiring teenagers.

  3. Mom on a Line
    March 16th, 2011 @ 8:07 pm

    One of my favorite things to say when someone asks “how are you doing” and they don’t really want to know is “living the dream”. It usually catches them off guard and if they are smart, they ask “what dream”. Depending upon the day, it could be “your worst nightmare”, “the American dream” (whatever that might be), etc. It is much more entertaining for me.

  4. Sara
    March 16th, 2011 @ 8:08 pm

    Apparently I’m in an annoyed state too!

    P.S. One of my pet peeves is a list that skips #6. *wink wink*

  5. Law Momma
    March 16th, 2011 @ 8:09 pm

    Oh there was a number 6. I took it out because it was too nasty. But I’ll change the numbering JUST FOR YOU! 🙂

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