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There’s a moment in my day, every day, when I look for my husband. The moment varies; sometimes it’s in the morning when I wake up, sometimes it’s in the evening when I get home from work. Some days I think I hear his voice, singing from the shower and on some days I think […]
Parenting is a Tough Gig
I want what is best for my son. It seems like that should just go without saying when you’re a mother, but the more I read in the news and the more people I meet in my life, the more I think that perhaps I am living in a box. I want what is best […]
Walk Feminine, Talk Feminine…
In viewing my life as the parts of all my sum, something has suddenly occurred to me… I think I’ve forgotten how to be a woman. When I was a girl, it never occurred to me that I would ever be anything other than who I was at any given moment. I was happy and […]
Paving a Future
Things move fast around here: time, toddler feet, swirls of emotion. And I am running, always running, to stay ahead… of something. I have to be one step ahead of J, one step ahead of my boss, one step ahead of the collections agents. But I can’t seem to ever get even a half step […]
The Eye of the Storm
In every hurricane, there is an eye. There is a soft spot in the middle where you find your feet firmly planted back on the ground, even though the world around you is still hectic and hazy. Sure, there’s a cow upside down in the sky over your head, and yes maybe there’s your neighbor […]
To Jude on his Second Birthday:
Two years ago, I woke up with a very funny feeling. I went about my morning, vacuuming the hallways and the corners of our little house, until around 8:30 when I went to wake up your father, who still lived with us then. It was silly really, but I felt certain. I was scheduled for […]
When My Bankroll is Getting Small…
One of my favorite Christmas movies is Irving Berlin’s White Christmas. (Lord help me if they ever try to remake THAT.) I love the silly plot lines, I love the happy endings, and I love the music. If you haven’t seen the movie, at one point, Bing Crosby’s character is singing to Rosemary Clooney. The […]
Lies, Bills and Punching Bags
I’m sorry. I did something this week I sort of promised myself I wouldn’t do. I sat down to write on Wednesday and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t put into words what I was going through and so I just talked about J. And then I did the same thing on Thursday. Because […]
Enunciate, please.
Last night, J woke up in the middle of the night. First, he called for a different pacifier. Then he called for more milk. Then, he started saying something on repeat that sounded almost exactly as though he were saying “F_CK.” I listened closer. Still sounded like that. I took the pacifier out of his […]
Something Wicked This Way Comes
Over the past few weeks, something terrible has happened. It started so slowly that I didn’t really notice; just a small change here or there, nothing to alert the press to… No reason to call for service, no reason to get maintenance on the line. It was just a blip here and there. I started […]
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