The Eye of the Storm

Posted on | August 24, 2011 | 10 Comments

In every hurricane, there is an eye.  There is a soft spot in the middle where you find your feet firmly planted back on the ground, even though the world around you is still hectic and hazy.  Sure, there’s a cow upside down in the sky over your head, and yes maybe there’s your neighbor on her bicycle pedalling through the clouds, but you are still very much in touch with solidity.  You know it’s fleeting.  You know that at any minute your pocket of sanity is going to pass you by and you’re going to get swept up in to the funnelling madness again.

But for that one moment, everything is okay.

This is that moment for me.

This is me, standing arms outstretched, knowing that while there is a second half to this brutal soccer match, I have survived the first.  This is me, watching the world spin in chaos just out of my grasp, knowing there’s nothing I can do but stand here and wait for the winds to pick up again.  This is me pasting on my determined smile, tucking J into the safety of my arms, and drawing in a deep breath.  This is me preparing for battle. 

This is me.

It’s not over.  There are so many storms left to weather.  But if this is the eye, if this truly is the eye of my storm, then at least I know it is silly to begin to rebuild.  This moment is not about picking up the pieces and trying to fix what’s been broken.  This moment is about coping, it is about holding firm, taking the time to snuggle close to J and know that we have almost made it through.  It’s about cuddling him tight in my arms, tucking my head to my chest and rocking him gently through the remaning mess until we find ourselves in the sunshine again.

And there is going to be sunshine again.  For both of us.

There will be a time when the bills can all be paid.

There will be a time when my job makes sense to me and I feel good about what I’m capable of doing here.

There will be a time when I can breathe again without fighting off the shudder of a sob.

This is just the eye, this is just the momentary, fleeting calm before the world flips and turns on me again.  But it is also the promise that someday? Someday we’ll be on the other side, throwing in a lifeline to the people still struggling through.

So this is me, tying up my hair, buttoning on my overcoat, and preparing to trudge through the remainder of this until I find myself on the other side.  It’s not going to be pretty.  I’d wager a large sum that there are still a lot of tears left to shed.  But this is me, turning my back to the winds I’ve weathered, and facing head on those still left to muddle through.  Windswept, chapped cheeks and lips from the fray, patterns and pieces of my heart and soul blown off and lost in the fight.  But I’m still here.  And I’m still clutching tight to the one thing that really matters.

This is me.


10 Responses to “The Eye of the Storm”

  1. Jana Anthoine
    August 24th, 2011 @ 5:16 pm

    Yup. Make that hurricane your bitch. Enjoy the eye and go headfirst through the rest. Hurricanes always have an ending… usually with brighter skies and cooler temperatures. And always with a fresh start.

  2. Andrea Sharp
    August 24th, 2011 @ 5:34 pm

    wow, this really hit me. I can totally relate with my life right now. Always cling to the thought process that no matter how bad things get, there are always clear skies on the other side, it is just a matter of getting thru the bad stuff.

  3. Nikki Hall
    August 24th, 2011 @ 7:08 pm

    Wow! This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you! You are a daily inspiration to me.

  4. Heather Griffitts Clark
    August 24th, 2011 @ 7:31 pm

    You write so beautifully, LM. Take a breath and get ready…you’ll do just fine when the winds pick up.

  5. Anonymous
    August 25th, 2011 @ 1:07 am

    Your writing only gets more incredible. Be strong.

  6. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2011 @ 1:16 am

    Oh Jess, flattery will get you everywhere. 😉

  7. Taming Insanity
    August 25th, 2011 @ 7:42 pm

    I like you, phenomenal girl.

  8. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2011 @ 1:16 am

    Mutual, I’m sure. 🙂

  9. Joel
    August 26th, 2011 @ 12:36 am

    “..Someday we’ll be on the other side, throwing in a lifeline to the people still struggling through…”

    YES …. have you ever heard of the old medical school adage “see one, do one, teach one” ?? That’s what I have been doing lately.

    Its strange – but God keeps throwing people into my path who are going through the exact same thing you and I are.. so I am throwing them the lifeline. I am “paying it forward”, doing everything I can to support and help those who are just now entering the devastation that accompanies divorce.

    It’s great therapy for me, it helps those who are experiencing the grief you and I have walked through, and its just the right thing to do.

    On a side note, we should all pray for those who live on the east coast… our broken hearts can and eventually will heal.

    One week from now, Irene will have killed dozens of people. They are alive today. But they will be dead next week. You and I are likely to be alive next week still blogging about this crazy world we live in. I pray for the safety of those in the path of this storm.

  10. Rachel Rankin
    August 26th, 2011 @ 2:31 pm

    first time reader here… i found this incredibly moving, just thought you should know.

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