Slow Motion Monday

Posted on | September 26, 2011 | 14 Comments

Ever have one of those slow “NOOOOOO” moments?

You know, when you’re doing something totally normal that just somehow goes awry?

Because that just happened to me.

I was minding my business, working on fixing a terribly written brief that’s due today. (And I can say it’s terribly written without remorse because I wrote it… and it’s atrocious.) All of a sudden I realized “Hmm, I need to pee.”  Once you’re a mother, those “urges” come on suddenly and they don’t play around. They mean get to a bathroom STAT or you’re going to be hunched over with your knees crossed hoping to God that nothing leaks while you sidestep down the hall.

So I went to the bathroom. 

I made it there in perfect time, there was no spillage, nothing to worry about.  I plopped the seat cover down on the toilet and plopped my ass on the seat cover to pee.

And then it happened.

For whatever reason, the toilets in our office are weird shaped.  The front sort of slopes down, I guess to make sure that everything flows in an orderly fashion towards the back of the pot.  I guess.  But apparently, if you are not positioned properly…

Well, let’s just say it happened in slow motion.  I shifted.  Just a bit, just to be comfortable.  And the stream of pee hit the slope of the toilet just wrong.

And it splashed out. 

On my pants.

On the floor.

On my shoes.

I peed. All over myself.

In slow motion.

Because it’s Monday.


14 Responses to “Slow Motion Monday”

  1. Anonymous
    September 26th, 2011 @ 10:26 am

    Oh no! What a way to start a Monday. SO SORRY!

    But hey, at least it was your own pee? And not someone else’s? And tomorrow can be a new, peed pants-free day?

  2. Anonymous
    September 26th, 2011 @ 10:42 am

    I’d say “oh sh!t” but … well …. it was pee.

  3. Jemillie
    September 26th, 2011 @ 10:46 am

    Im at the library and your post made me laugh so loudly that everyone stared at me! Good way to start a Monday eeh? Hope the rest of your day goes well!

  4. Anonymous
    September 26th, 2011 @ 10:49 am

    I was at work a few weeks ago doing my business. The toilet seat is slightly broken, so I was carefully holding my weight so the seat didn’t slide…I was too careful. I readjusted too much and the seat slid out from under me and I pretty much fell off the toilet. Yeah, I can relate 🙂

  5. Jennifer Hajer
    September 26th, 2011 @ 10:54 am

    gah. That sucks. The bright side is that you did not crap yourself. That doesn’t dry clear. 🙂

  6. Cookiecrums123
    September 26th, 2011 @ 10:57 am

    Oh my! on the bright side…. it was pee and not poop. Hope your day improves!!! 🙂

  7. Heather Kaplin
    September 26th, 2011 @ 11:11 am

    If it makes you feel better, I have a cold, and if I cough or sneeze to hard, I sometimes pee a bit 🙂

  8. Mrs. MidAtlantic
    September 26th, 2011 @ 11:21 am

    I’ve done the same thing, with the weird angle and the splashing. It’s not pretty. Clearly, men designed toilets.

  9. Cate
    September 27th, 2011 @ 6:36 am

    ARGH! But, just in case it makes you feel any better (and I hope it does, because the only other person I told was my doctor; i.e., not even my partner)… I recently discovered that one of the joyous side effects of the medication I’m currently taking… is (NPH: wait for it!) INCONTINENCE! And there was NO WARNING! (can you even begin to glimpse how I was feeling due to ALL THE CAPITALS in this message?).

    And, even better, I had to wait a few weeks for my appointment to get the meds changed. On the bright side, it was at home and I had been drinking a fair amount of water…

    Have I shared too much??? Hmm, perhaps I should tell my partner when he gets home; now that I’ve shared it with the interweb…

  10. Anonymous
    September 27th, 2011 @ 7:20 am

    LOL! What the hell kind of medicine doesn’t tell you that a side effect is incontinence!!!!! That’s hilarious and also I’m sorry. Peeing on yourself totally sucks.

  11. Cate
    September 29th, 2011 @ 1:24 am

    It did! But I only discovered this when I read the *fine* print…

    Enough time has passed (no pun intended) that I’m beginning to smile about it… almost

  12. Lisathehomeceo
    September 27th, 2011 @ 1:49 pm

    been there. done that. sucks. so sorry.

  13. L Dickerson
    September 27th, 2011 @ 9:33 pm

    Ugh. That sucks. Although I haven’t had that particular Monday moment, last week I did manage to trip in front of an entire conference room full of opposing counsel. It was a spectacular fall if I do say so myself, complete with people on the opposite side of the room standing up to see me in my glory on the floor. I was not blessed with grace.

  14. Breedlove E
    September 28th, 2011 @ 7:53 am

    i have done that SOOO many times at my work it makes me angry. You are not alone!

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