Almost (Not Nearly) Famous

Posted on | September 29, 2011 | 9 Comments

If you had asked me what I wanted to be when I was a little girl, I would have said in the alternative, a world famous pediatrician, a world famous missionary a la Mother Teresa, a world famous actress or a world famous writer.  The tie-in? You got it… world famous.   I read a post a while back by Diana over at Hormonal Imbalances about how she wanted to be famous, too, and it made me laugh.  Maybe that’s what we all wanted once.  Maybe that’s a testament to our society full of big name stars and athletes.  Maybe that’s what this world holds most dear… fame.  Or maybe that’s just what we think is really cool when we’re little.

I was thinking about Diana’s post on the way to work this morning as I listened to The Avett Brothers’ Mignonette.  There’s a line in one of their songs that says “If your love laughs at your dreams, well it’s not as bad as it seems…Either way one of them has got to go” and all of a sudden, I was a ten year old misfit again, holed up in my room scratching out novels about life during the civil war or falling in love with ghosts.  When did I become the love who is laughing at my own dreams? When did I become the person in my life who tells me that I’m not good enough?

“Either way, one of them has got to go.”

For the majority of my adult life, I have surrounded myself with a wall of imperfection.  I’m not thin enough.  I’m not pretty enough.  I don’t write well enough.  I am too tall, my nose is too big, my jean size is wrong.  I’ve built this wall so thick and so tall that the ten year old dreamer in me is trapped.  She is slowly starving to death.  She is clawing at the walls and no one is listening. There is a fine line between understanding reality and suffocating the very light that makes you shine.  There is a fine line between grasping truth and squeezing your dreams until they shatter. 

I have not walked the line very well.

There are people in my life who have thrown caution to the wind.  They follow their dreams to the end of the earth… writing, singing, drawing, sculpting, researching… DOING what makes them happy.  I have a friend who recently played at The Kennedy Center with his band.  THAT is living, folks.  That is doing what it takes to be the you that you are supposed to be.

As a child, I wanted to be famous.  I wanted to be big and important.  I wanted to be special.

And along the way, I lost sight of what was behind all of that.  I lost sight of what all of it really means. Because what I really wanted to be was simple… I wanted to be well-loved.  And the truth of the matter is,  I AM famous… to my child.  I am big and important in my office.  I should be special to myself.

I have laughed at my dreams, but it’s not as bad as it seems.  Either way, one of us has to go.

And from here on out?

The dreamer stays.


9 Responses to “Almost (Not Nearly) Famous”

  1. Amy
    September 29th, 2011 @ 8:45 am

    ahh, the Avetts sure can make a person introspective 😉 Love this post!

  2. Heather Griffitts Clark
    September 29th, 2011 @ 10:35 am

    Isn’t it amazing the perspective when get when we define who we want to be famous, big and important and special to and for?

    And – as far as writing goes – I think you are more famous outside of your known friends than you give yourself credit for 🙂

  3. Chunky Mama
    September 29th, 2011 @ 11:36 am

    Great post. 🙂

  4. Taming Insanity
    September 29th, 2011 @ 1:18 pm

    You’re special to me.

  5. Anonymous
    September 29th, 2011 @ 2:58 pm

    And you are special to me… even if you do think Indiana is close to Georgia. 🙂

  6. Anthony from CharismaticKid
    September 29th, 2011 @ 1:32 pm

    Excellent. That is my entire goal with my company. To let kids find their purpose and goals early on.. so when they are all grown-ed up, they know how to TACKLE it and make big moves quickly… instead of simply being confused as to where to go and what to do in their lives.

  7. Stephanie
    September 29th, 2011 @ 2:48 pm

    Thank you! Everyone needs this reminder sometimes and I’ve been needing it the past few weeks. Your blog is one of the highlights of my day, THANK YOU THANK YOU for sharing honestly and eloquently.

  8. Diana S.
    September 29th, 2011 @ 3:10 pm

    This post reminds me how all of us feel the same way at one time or another. For me, it was moving to El Paso, being so miserable, going to BlogHer and having the wind knocked out of my sails, and then putting on my big girl panties and going for it anyway. But realizing if nothing happened – I was still me. Still a mom. A wife. A blogger. A friend. And all of that was ok.

    Thanks for the shout out lady. <3

  9. Kristinayellow
    September 29th, 2011 @ 9:55 pm

    You are world-famous-to all of your readers, but most importantly, to J. I’m glad you realizing that you should live your dreams and not be afraid to do something that makes you happy. It’s scary to put yourself out there and easy to let others dictate our path…walk your own and enjoy it!

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