Gray Days

Posted on | February 27, 2012 | 14 Comments

It is a gray day in Macon.

The sky is cloudy, dripping rain like the tears I’m not allowed to shed, not at work, not at home. 

We made our way out of bed slowly this morning, J and I, tip-toeing through our morning quietly, wondering when the axe would fall, when the news would come.  Because the news is coming.  It seems the world turns in anguish today, cradling the soft sweetness of her soul in it’s arms, knowing that she is soon to leave.

I took a shower in the hottest water I could stand, scalding the hurt from my skin, whispering prayers of peace and comfort into the spray.  She is leaving. Stepping out onto the cold floor shot an awakening into my eyes, a jolt stronger than coffee, a reminder harsher than other Mondays. 

She is leaving.

My heart aches to be at her side, holding her hand, soothing her passing.  My soul yearns to walk with hers again, to rewind time, to play side-by-side on the warm beaches of our youth, building castles and searching for shells.  I ache to hear her voice on the phone, see her words, feel her warmth.  She who has been my rock for nine months; she who has been the voice I turned to when everything was falling apart. 

Because she knew what it meant for everything to fall apart.

Because she knew that one of us would be whole again; one of us would see our child grow and learn and become the person, the adult he would grow to be.  One of us.

But not her.  

She is leaving.

It is a gray, gray day in Macon, and my heart yearns to lay with hers.


14 Responses to “Gray Days”

  1. Mom-nom
    February 27th, 2012 @ 9:20 am

    I’m so sorry, dear. I know this pain, all too well. Prayers for all of you.

  2. Gillian Victoria
    February 27th, 2012 @ 9:27 am

    Prayers for our most lovely friend. Prayers for YOU too.

  3. Jana A (@jana0926)
    February 27th, 2012 @ 10:02 am

    Oh, my heart hurts for you and for your dear friend’s family. Love ya.

  4. Jessica Escobar
    February 27th, 2012 @ 10:07 am

    My sweet I’m so sorry. For her, for you, for her sweet baby, for her family. I know the hurt and it kills me that you have to wait. That you will suffer the loss.

  5. Heather Griffitts Clark
    February 27th, 2012 @ 10:37 am

    I am so sorry that you have to go through this, losing a trusted friend too young is unbearable difficult. More than that, my heart aches for your friend, her husband and her sweet girl. No child should lose a parent this way. No parent should leave before they are ready and only after a long and happy life.

    My prayers to you, my prayers to them. It may not seem like it, but God is with you.

  6. MaconMom
    February 27th, 2012 @ 12:03 pm

    Thinking of you and your friend, her family and all everyone hurting. My heart aches for all of you. sending hugs

  7. Dawn Pigg
    February 27th, 2012 @ 12:40 pm

    Thinking and praying of and for you and your friend and your respective families. I am so terribly sorry for everyone’s loss.

  8. Maija @ Maija's Mommy Moments
    February 27th, 2012 @ 1:09 pm

    Thinking of you. Wishing things were different. And sending thoughts and prayers to you and your friend.

  9. Meredith
    February 27th, 2012 @ 2:11 pm

    I’m so sorry for your pain, you and she and her family will be in my prayers. Losing a friend so unfairly is heartbreaking. Peace to you all.

  10. Kristinayellow
    February 27th, 2012 @ 5:42 pm

    I’m so sorry; this kind of pain is so deep. Hug J and know that your prayers made a difference to her and her family.

  11. beachmum
    February 27th, 2012 @ 7:10 pm

    so sorry. *hugs*. no words. only sorry, thought, hugs and prayers.

  12. Justice Jonesie
    February 27th, 2012 @ 8:28 pm

    Oh, so sorry to hear all of this. I haven’t stopped by in a while and am sorry to hear about this. Big hugs to you, J, and your friend’s family.

  13. Allison
    February 27th, 2012 @ 8:45 pm

    Prayers for you & your dear friend. The Lord will take care of all.

  14. TheNextMartha
    February 27th, 2012 @ 9:12 pm

    Lots of love, hugs and prayers.

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